A
female
age
18-21,
u-4eva
writes:My girlfriend always flirts with everyone and doesn't seem to get the point of if we are together she shouldn't (or does that sound protective) but anyway I don't like the fact she flirts and if I do she does get really paranoid and starts a fight with me. I don't know whether to end it because I can't take anymore of this or whether to talk to her about it? If I do talk to her about it, what do I say??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I'm going through something similar right now- I've had this girlfriend for about a month and its been going ok. She has a LOT of guy friends though...you know- "they're like brothers to me." That is the worst phrase to hear because it means a bunch of dudes trying to get in her pants. My girl generally does her most hardcore flirting when I'm not around- at least she's kind enough to not do it in my face. It's a hard thing to figure out how to deal with: On one hand, freaking out about it makes you a bi*** and shows your insecure. But you have to draw the line when it's flagrant. The biggest power that you MUST HAVE is the power to WALK AWAY if you feel like the line has been crossed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2007): your gf probley doesnt notice it when she flirts and its normal to get jealious
i say you talk to her about how it makes you feel and how it hurts you and also how it is effecting your twos relationship
life can hurt but if you try it can work out peacfully
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): I'm a lot like your girlfriend (or so I have been told) and I have pissed off some boyfriends. And from my own experience I guess I liked the attention but at the same time I figured it was harmless. Because I wasn't thinking, "oh that guy is hot I am going to go flirt with him." No not at all. It was just how I chose to express myself with everybody just for the attention(and nothing more) and since I figured I didn't have "bad" intentions (I wasn't gonna cheat or even try to pick up guys)I assumed I wasn't hurting anybody.
With that said, I don't think you are wrong in wanting her to modify her behavior. My ex boyfriend made it a huge point to talk about it with me. And even my own friends brought it up. I cared enough about this guy to respect and consider his concern. And he really made me realise my fault. He just pointed out my behavior and asked me to consider how I would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. And that really opened my eyes up a lot. And I realised that my behavior was very hurtful and inappropriate and that it would hurt me if my boyfriend acted that way. And that made me change.
So I say go ahead and talk to her. Ask her how she would feel if you did that to her. Be stern. If she is worth your time, she will listen and try to make you happy. But if she still doesn't get it, she might just still be very immature and might need to go through several relationships before she realises what she is doing. I know it took me several relationships and lots of growing up to do before I even was capable of understanding why what I was doing was wrong. But I may have realised it sooner if my previous boyfriends had spoken up more.
So for your sake, I hope your talk works things out between you guys. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): unless you are secure enough to handle it and/or laugh it off, I wouldnt stay with someone like that. its too distressing rude and inconsiderate and only creates a huge vacume of mistrust that can never be filled.
I went thru it and when I finally learnt to laugh it off and realized that it was "him" who was insecure and not me and I didnt really react to it, he wanted to break up. He thrived on my reaction. I am happy its over now even tho I really wanted it to work and to be happy. I think its better for me to find someone who wants a simple not complicated relationship and just be at peace and happy.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 You know, my boyfriend use to do the exact same thing and I would always get mad. So I talked to him about it and let him know that it made me feel uncomfortable when he was flirting with girls in front of me. I don't believe in trying to get the attention from others when in a relationship. Some is nice, but flirting should always be out of the question. Just talk to her and let her know how it makes you feel when she does this. If she cares for you, she will quit and realize that you don't enjoy her actions in front of other guys. If she doesn't quit, then maybe she isn't the one for you. She should respect your feelings though.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (22 August 2007):
Sorry to start the answer with a question but who's the paranoid one? If she just flirts but it's you she always ends up going home with then you might not like it but if you make too much of an issue of it you could lose her. She may even flirt with others just to get more attention from you, so maybe if you don't react she will direct her attentions more to you. It all comes down to whether you feel you can trust her, and if not whether that is because she is genuinely going to mess you around or whether it is just because you're over-protective. If it's the latter then talking to her about it as though she's in the wrong could break you up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): You haven't even talked to her about it? You need to talk to her. Tell her that she freaks out when you do it, so tell her to put herself in your shoes. Tell her you can't handle it much longer and it may ruin the relationship. You aren't being too protective. she shouldn't be flirting with other guys when she has a boyfriend.
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