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My girlfriend told me she doesn't like girls anymore then broke up with me

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Faded love, Gay relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 December 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 22 December 2013)
A female United States age 26-29, *edhead123 writes:

My gf of 6yr recently up n told me she doesnt like girls anymore but she loves me. I asked how is that possible and she said it faded. So we ended up breaking up and getting bk together and she started acting distant from me.

I came home fromwrk to find her n the room with a dude n the door locked but she claims they were just talking. Which I know is a lie. I just dont see how u say u love me so deep but hurt me.

We are now sseparated and now my younger brother tells me once while I was at wrk she brought over a dude and was hugged up and went in our room with him for a long time. I was so shockd that it happend and that he was just now telling me. So I ask him more about it and he says she always talks about how she needs sum dick n how good it was in front of him when im gone.

It hurts so bad because we have a daughter together and now she doesnt let me see her at all when ive been there since birth. We are gay by the way.. but then later my bff told me she once tried to make amove on her twice but sheknew itwould crush me if shetold me so im like WTF is goin on.

I just feel the love was never real and I miss our family so bad. I cry everyday and pray god to help me.

I could really use any advice plz. Weve been together since high school 09-13

View related questions: broke up, crush

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A female reader, Euphoric29 Germany +, writes (22 December 2013):

Dear OP,

This is a horrible story and I am so sorry for you. Especially it's so unfair that you can't see your daughter anymore. But there's no legal advice that I could give you about how you could change that. Unless you are in a state where gay marriage is legal and you're married?

Healing will take a lot of time, because this is a very deep wound. So my advice is to take your time to grief, you don't have to get over this right away, it's your right to be hurt and do whatever gives you some comfort. Be very kind to yourself, and patient. Don't beat yourself up and don't even think of blaming yourself of anything that has happened.

And speaking of your ex (who will stay your ex, I hope, because she is a liar):

It's a weak excuse to say "I love my gf, but I just need some dick". No woman "needs" dick. But some people WANT to cheat and therefore blame it on their partners "shortcomings" to feel better. To say "I need some dick" is a very cheap way to say "I'm entitled to cheat on you, because I need something you just can't provide me with". There are a tons of versions of this excuse. Men/women saying they just need some diversity every now and then, or have a fantasy their wife/husband just won't agree to live out with them.. blabla.

I just wanted to say this in order to defend bisexual women a bit.. not all of us date a girl and break her heart because we suddenly find out we have an incurable need for dicks. And even if this was the case with her, she could have still been honest and upfront with you. And not also hit on your best friend, which is horrible.

What I find a good thing about your story, is that you seem to still be quite young. You have time to find a new partner who will commit to you. And have a new family, where it's legally defined what your rights as a parent will be. Maybe even give birth to a child yourself? Please make sure of parental rights and other important legal agreements in the future and never rely on common sense or fairness when it comes to this anymore. I learned the hard way, for instance with room mates, that you sometimes need to insist on a contract.

Big hug!

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A female reader, llifton United States +, writes (22 December 2013):

llifton agony auntas a gay woman, myself, i feel your pain. i've dealt with quite a handful of women who dabbled in the gay dating world for a while with me. but they never would have ever settled down and been happy with a woman. i suppose it was just for fun until they found the guy they wanted to settle with.

here's the thing. if this woman claims she "needs some dick," she doesn't love you. if she did, she wouldn't feel as though she was missing something. when you love someone, you can't imagine anyone else but that person; mentally, physically, or emotionally. and it doesn't matter if your gf is straight or bi. what should matter is her love for you.

here's an example. my gf had never been with a woman before me. and she claims that she doesn't know if she will ever be with another woman after me if we seperate. however, she knows she loves me with her whole heart and as long as she is committed to me and i make her happy, she will never feel as though she's missing anything sexually or emotionally. that she is completely satisfied in all ways. basically, as long as she loves me, whether i have a particular appendage or not is completely irrelevant. it's not a penis or a vagina she's after in particular. it's the person it's attached to that matters. make sense?

anyway, all that being said, the point is that if your gf loved you, she wouldn't feel this way. and she wouldn't treat you like that. you deserve so much better.

don't put up with it. she's blatantly cheating as well as disrespecting you. you don't have to find a woman who is 100% gay. however, find yourself a woman who is 100% all about YOU. and never settle for less.

good luck.

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