A
male
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*oyWonder2006
writes:what should i do?im 27 my girlfriend is 23 i've been with this girl 3 years. somedays are easy some are hard.for my birthday i always get a card and kiss and told i love you but thats it i always say " your not gonna say happy bithday " and she says " no " its the same at xmaswe split up a year ago for a few months and i missed her so much so we got back together. and 4 months ago she got pregnant and ever since. she been very nasty to me tell me what i can or cant do with the baby and its not even born yet like. my family are going to a theme park next year 3 months after the baby is born and i said i would like to take the baby.i got told " no you will not " i said yes i want to take the baby. she told me that she will never let me go so i made a joke about " while u sleep i will take her " she told me she will phone the police and tell them that i kidnapped the baby.my mom died of cancer last year and i said when the baby is old enough to understand about death i would tell her about my mom. i got told the baby only as 1 grandmother and thats all she needs to know.i love this girl so much but i dont think she loves me i know girls go mad when they are pregnant. but she was the same before she was pregnant but now shes pregnant its like i get told what i can or cant do.what would u do?talking to this girl is not an option cause, she just sits there and blanks me total. i dont wanna dump her because of the baby but truth is i would of dumped her if she was not pregnant.
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male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (16 October 2009):
There is a chance here that she's depressed. Unfortunately, it's hard to break if she won't talk. Bear in mind also that she is pregnant, so her emotions will be all over the place anyway. Do you know of anything in her past that has left her very hurt?
A
female
reader, k_c100 + ♥, writes (16 October 2009):
 Well from the way she is behaving you would actually have more rights to the baby if you broke up with her than by staying with her! If you were not together as long as you pay towards the baby you get visitation rights - therefore she cannot stop you from seeing the baby and she has no say over what you do with the child while it is in your care.
But if you really do want to try and make this work for the sake of the baby and try and save your relationship then you need to sit down and talk to her, regardless of whether you think talking is pointless or not. She is acting like a child in this situation - she wants to make all the parenting decisions and doesnt care about your opinion. So you need to literally just tell her that if she doesnt accept that you are partners and that you are raising this baby together then you will leave her. I know it seems like a threat but you need to express the seriousness of the situation. She might be thinking she can treat you like crap and leave you out of all the parenting decisions and you will just put up with it. so she needs to know that if she continues to behave like this then it is over!
I agree that you should tell the baby about your mum - it is only right that she understands why she only has 1 grandma. But I dont think telling the child about death is right - there is no need to talk to a child about death, it is something they will figure out in their own time and ask you about it when they want to. Telling a child the full details about death is unecessary and will only give them nightmares!
And as for taking a 3 month old baby to a theme park? Are you mad? Have you ever seen a 3 month old baby? All they do is eat, sleep and poop. And occasionally vomit! It would be the worst place to take a baby - it couldnt go on any rides obviously, so you would just be sat with the baby on your own while your family are enjoying the rides etc. You would have to be within a few hundred yards of toilets at all times to change the baby, you would be carrying round a load of supplies (nappies, bottles, baby wipes.....the list goes on). Why would it be a fun day out for you or the baby?
I think this is what you need to do - read some parenting books, get advice from any parenting services etc. Read some books on psychology too - child development is a major area that has been studied and it will help you as a parent to know what is best for you child. When you are confident with your knowledge on parenting (yes a lot of it is learnt on the job and reading a book will never teach you how to be a good dad, but it will prepare you a little!) then you need to sit your girlfriend down and talk to her in a nice, calm manner. Saying that girls go "mad" when they are pregnant will only get her annoyed - women dont go mad when they are pregnant, they just become more emotional due to their hormones which they cannot control.
It seems to me you have your ideas about what you want to do with the baby, she has her ideas and you are not meeting in the middle. Both of you need to learn to compromise - that is the key to making things work! And you need to not talk down to her and try and keep her happy at all times - I get the feeling when you try and talk to her and she "blanks" you that is because you immediately say things to get her annoyed and that makes her shut down. If you can learn to communicate better together and learn to compromise then you just might be ok. If you dont know where to start with that then maybe see a relationship therapist together - they are fantastic on giving you ideas and tips on how to communicate better with each other.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): well all i can say is if u really love her then tell her how much u do nd maybe give her some space for a while maybe tats all she needs is space im not saying break up with the girl but jus give her space maybe call her but not all the time but if u give her sum space she would probaly want u to hold her, ect.
well i hoped this helped :)
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