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anonymous
writes: Last week my girlfriend suggested that we should take a break (no time limit) claiming that she feels a little smothered and she needs her space. We have been together for almost two years and we had been doing very good. She says that she loves me and I am the perfect person for her, but she feels like she has been hurting me a lot lately. Also she mentions that sometimes two perfect people are not meant for each other. When I asked her if she wanted to see other people, she said no. I know she loves me and I love her to death. I really want to fix things up and be with her all my life. I feel very confident but I don't know how to handle this. I don't want to hurt her or have things worsen. What to do? Thank you very much
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reader, availablegod  +, writes (5 April 2011):
man..i am about to get the same treatment in a fortnight.
her sister committed suicide a few years back..and she had been repressing the pain all along. She lives 600 miles away from me now because of her job. and she is going to come home in a couple of weeks specifically to talk to me. and I know what this talk might mean. I have been getting signals for a month now and this has been the hardest time for me..my life was already in a place where I didn't want it to be in..and this just seems like the icing on the cake. I have been having a sinking feeling in my stomach all the time for the past 1 month...she is saying that she thinks that she is hurting me a lot because of her own personal problems..but i think otherwise..I love her more than anything else in this world..I have no idea what's going to happen now
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reader, spignise  +, writes (19 November 2009):
All you can do is give her space. I know it sounds hard and it is but if you do everything for her then she will not do anything herself. We know you love her now she has to prove it. Occupy your time with other things and do not reach out to her, if she chooses not to reach out to you than it is her loss. Becasue she is the one that wants time apart then she has to be the one to make it right. But be prepared for the worst, and remember if you love someone let them go if they come back then she was always yours.
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reader, jlbregalview +, writes (10 August 2009):
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years and it has always been a little rocky...we fought alot but always came back to each other...until recently when he told me he wanted a break...i wasnt expecting it even though i probably should have...i assumed we would fight like we always did then say sorry and it would be ok but obviously, he has had enough. he said he still loves me, he isnt looking for anyone else, and he doesnt want me to worry too much or get too upset. i think i have been a little pushy about it and pressuing him too much but i cant help it..im just so worried! plus im going on vacation for a week and im scared that by the time i get back he will have moved on...i know i should give him is space but im so afraid to lose him because he has always been there for me at my worst and im afraid that i wont find someone else who will put up with me and i will end up alone...i have listened to other peoples stories and i just hope mine ends with us loving each other as much as we did when we first met. but i guess until then i should give him his space...i dont want to pressure him because if you think about it..do you really want to force them into a relationship? i mean would you really to be with someone who truly doesnt feel the same way anymore?
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reader, hoss7071 +, writes (15 June 2008):
I just had this happen to me yesterday. In the EXACT same manner you described. Play it cool man, that's the only way to see these things through. I know your question is like two years old, but this is important.
Don't play the jealous, insecure boyfriend. example: calling/texting..etc. to see if things have changed. If she wants a break, then give her the break by allowing her to instigate a conversation when she is ready. SHe may not be able to work out her issues, with you contacting her right now.
Second thing, always have in the back of your mind that she may want to see someone else for awhile. This is FINE!! If the relationship was meant to be, she will end up back with you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): hello all i just got the same thing from my girl the " i love you but want a break thing" initially i thought it was ok but then now she is on the so czlled break i miss her a lmot and can't stop thinking about her. she claims not to be happy anymore but initially in our relationship she was, personally i was not too happy with her because no matter how i tried to make her happy she just would not acknowledge it or appriciate it, which is surly do to the fact that she is not happy. Do i turn the pages or wait on her. if she does come back do i accept whole whole heartedly or keep some reserve for any supprises to come.
please get back to me on [email address blocked]
thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): Just hang in there. My fiance told me she wanted to date other people, but that she still loved me. I was upset at first (almost suicidal), but I told her it was okay and that I still love her and just want her to be happy. She came running back to me a couple of days later and told me I'm the only one she wants to be with. Trust me, if she wants space, give her what she wants. If the love is there it won't go away. If it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be.
God bless
Love and peace be with you all
p.s. I owe a lot of my insight to this website. I hope it can help many of you out there who don't know what to do. It will give you the right mentality and knowledge to prevent you from pushing your mate further away.
www.StopYourDivorce.com
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): READ THE WHOLE DAMN THING... ha it is long, but it is the best advice for the situation, and will make things much better in the long run!
Wow... this is so true in my life right now... My girlfriend said exactly this... "Im confused, I still love you, but I dont know what I want..." the three most confusing things to come in one sentence! Actually it drove me crazy for a whole week until I got to actually see her and how she acted around me... We have been in a relationship for almost a year, and I have become so attached that its crazy... Just recently I have been going through this problem with a girl in a relationship that just started off wayyy too fast, and it scared her, as I have found out.
1.) Back Off and give her space... she wants to know what it is like not to have you all over her every move... every moment calling and texting her. She is scared of what she is missing, and although she loves you, "you are being too pushy!"
2.) Be confident and be yourself... things get a little dry after a while after you do the same things over and over again, and my approach is going to be the only thing that could possibly work, GO OUT AND DO THINGS... don't sit around and worry about what she says... Make things interesting.
My girlfriend also said that she wished somebody could tell her what to do... her exact quote was "part of me tells me to leave and figure things out, but the other part of me says that I would be stupid to leave you." *This thus far seems to be a good sign!
When she tells you this, most likely you have been a good boyfriend and it is out of your hands for now...
1.) Tell her you love her to death and that the only decision that is right is what makes her happy... Tell her what she wants to hear, that you want HER to be HAPPY!
2.) Once again, give her more space... let her text you and call you, DON'T GIVE IN, if she doesn't want to talk to you then she may not want to be with you. Love doesn't work one way, and if she doesn't want to try then it wasn't meant to be.
Now her and I go to different colleges, and I stayed all summer at her house, and every waking second that I got away from football I spent with her. Hmmm... maybe thats why I am so attached... but anyways, She said to me, "I feel guilty breaking up with you... What are you going to do this summer? Where are you going to go if you want to come back in town? (my parents live in Alabama while I am living in Indiana)
1.) Don't let her feel bad for you... I told her specifically not to feel guilty and that I have friends back in town I could stay with... I told her that it would mean everything to me if I could stay with her, but if things didn't work out that I would have to be in my college town getting ready for football next year and that I could find other places to stay.
2, 3, and 4.) DON'T LET HER FEEL GUILTY, DON'T LET HER FEEL GUILTY, DON'T LET HER FEEL GUILTY... this will rid her of that option out of the relationship, not to mention if she doesn't break up with you because of that, then that is not love...
At the end of the week I went to stay with her for the weekend on a strict no love basis ha... sounded terrible to me, no kissing, no hugging, just hanging out... not normal for us. But I followed through... KINDA. I ended up in her dorm on a Friday night after a day of hanging out with her and her friends. I acted like myself, like I did before we started going out, which brings me to my next point, show her what you were about before this situation came, be the same funny, nice person you were before! Well push came to shove and there was touch going on before the night was over, followed by more reasons for her to be mad at me and say that she still didn't know... You CANNOT get frustrated, as all women will act this way when they are confused...
The next day we woke up and things were kinda quiet... I ended up going to her track meet (that she told me not to go to) but was happy when she saw that I did come... (Be there for her when she is doing something that is important to her!!!) She still denied me any real acknowledgement such as a hug or any show of love, and on the way home I almost lost it... I thought for sure things would be over before the weekend was over... she kept ignoring my texts and things that I would tell her that I was worried about what was going to happen. I really thought it was over. That night we went to eat after her meet and ended up just going back to her house... we sat around and watched television for an hour or so while I curresed her, massaging her feet, her legs, and her head, running my fingers through her hair I kissed her on the forehead. That night she told me loved me and went to bed.
The next day we got up and went to church with her family, and things seemed to be kind of tensed... she didn't want me to be close to her hugging on her or anything... That is where it got confusing, so I decided to go out on a limb... When we started to argue she told me that I was lucky to have her... I told her that she has the chance to break up with me and she just said shut up and ignored it... We didn't talk much that day, but when I was about to go back to school she told me that she loved me and that everything would be ok...
Getting back to school I was somewhat relieved and sure enough I got a text that said RULE NUMBER 1... THE GOLDEN RULE... "You know babe, if you werent so pushy, then everything would be better, and I would stop being mean to you for no reason. I love you and I want to be with you, but you just cant be so pushy." This was the first good advice I have gotten out of the girl since we met... or any girl that I have ever associated with and coming from the girl that I am in love with, I will keep that in mind and just go back to being myself... as things get deeper you are more in check to change to her "likings" but that isn't really what she wants!
For now I will keep doing what I do best, and showing her a good time while being myself. There is no way of telling if we will be together in the future, but if it is love then we will! IF YOU REALLY LOVE HER YOU WILL DO WHAT MAKES HER HAPPY... and tell her that her Happiness is all that you ever look forward to! She is the reason you are in this situation in the first place, and is the reason that you are trying to work things out! Be Patient, things will work out for the best!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): dude i just totally got that from my gf she says she loves me too and i love her too but you know we only have like a week and a couple of days together so i don't i feel like she dosn't love me anymore, but she says that is because she just feels bad cause she used to date the same guy for like 5 years... so idk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Hey everyone, I just got a similar speech from my girlfriend and boy am I hurting. I'm writing this not to give advice, but to hopefully ease my pain and perhaps comfort some of you other heartbroken people. I have been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years and now she says she loves me but doesn't know what she wants and needs a break to think about things. She says it isn't because there is someone else or anything like that. My 5 yr. girlfriend telling me she wants a break is hurting soooo much, I am in a lot of pain ladies and gentlemen. BUT, I have just decided that I guess I need to give her this space because I don't really have any other option. I found some of the lady's comments on this page helpful, in that they say that she probably does just want a break, not a break up(she would have said break up if that was the case!). Also, what people have been saying concerning it working out the way it is supposed to(ie. if she doesn't come back, it was not meant to be) is also true. So I guess all of us who have been told that we are on a break need to just let it be. Everything is as it should be and we need to let things unfold the way they are supposed to, whatever that means. I am going to do that, but in the main time, I am going to be missing my love of my life like crazy and hoping that she realizes that we belong together. I wish everyone the best in their relationships, whatever that means. Take care everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Wow, my friend! I myself am going through the same thing. It happened last week. She needs space, but still loves me. We have been dating for three wonderful years. From my situation she feels she needs some time to grow and explore herself, and not be so dependent on me. I am crushed and at a lost. But because I love her so much I am giving her the space she needs. I am sacrificing my pain for her love. As much as you want to call her or hang out, I say don't! Give her some time to be with friends and do her own thing. Let her call you when she is ready. Just be there for her as a best friend. Its hard, believe me I'm going just as crazy as u are! God Bless!
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reader, silvergoose  +, writes (14 September 2007):
yea man i got the same talk there a week ago today and i feel completely shattered about it...she says she loves me and about 5 weeks ago we were supposed to go on a months break but she rang me the next day says she couldnt do it,we live about 3 hours from each other and were always back and forth weekends and whenever we could for last 2 years but she has a sore back so recently i decided i would do the weekend runs for a while, but i decided to move down there by christmas and she agreed then a while later she stresses out about absolutly everything in her life (she's a bit of a worryer) but if the girl asks for space then thats all can do,hopefully she realises what she is missing if its out of your hands then what will be will be !!!! nothing is forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): yea man i got the same talk there a week ago today and i feel completely shattered about it...she says she loves me and about 5 weeks ago we were supposed to go on a months break but she rang me the next day says she couldnt do it,we live about 3 hours from each other and were always back and forth weekends and whenever we could for last 2 years but she has a sore back so recently i decided i would do the weekend runs for a while, but i decided to move down there by christmas and she agreed then a while later she stresses out about absolutly everything in her life (she's a bit of a worryer) but if the girl asks for space then thats all can do,hopefully she realises what she is missing if its out of your hands then what will be will be !!!! nothing is forever.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): I'm was in a similar situation. We were together for almost 2 years, but she wanted a break. I had become to clingy. Less then a week after the break she said she wanted to just be friends and she needed time to herself. It's been a month since then and I'm hoping that in the coming months we can make things workout. Just give her the space. If she loves you things should be able to workout.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): I am going through the same as you but the only difference with me is that when I met her, she wasn't over her ex yet and after being with her for 6 months, she said that she needed some herself time and that she loves me a lot and that she believes that this relationship can last, just that she needs time to be flirtatious, not think about anyone else and probably completely get over him.
Now, there is not much you can do other than just find something to do and see if she wants to come back to you, if she does, your relationship probably will be stronger, if she doesn't then just move on and try to think what's best for yourself, don't put your life on hold because of what is happening.
What do you guys think about my problem?
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reader, sweetcherry +, writes (4 December 2006):
 Oh my.. people! she wants her space!.. time to think..! i know because im in the same place! Recently i have been feeling hurt in the relationship because my bf has issues which need to be sorted out till we can go back to normal. Basically a few days ago he told me it was over because he felt he wasnt good enuf for me and that i could be with someone who will treat me right. But then he said he didnt mean it, he loves me and that he never wants to leave me! He never plans anything special, just moans every time about his problems then calls me to find out every detail of my day??? HELLO! GIRLS have their OWN life.. jeez.. i told him i need space!! i DONT mean its over! nor that im seeing someone else.. if i was i would have said ITS OVER NOT I NEED SPACE! I just need some time to get my life together, concentrate on studying and friends, i need time to think about "us" i just feel the spark is gone. Just give her space she needs.. she will call you when she's ready and be there for her dont be an asshole, plan something special together. Some space in a relationship will do you guys good.. seriously go out with your mates, enjoy life as you would if you were single but no dating. and you will realise why she wanted her space.Hope it helps xoxox
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reader, malaysianfeet +, writes (24 January 2006):
You arent the perfect person for her. You arent the perfect person for yourself for that matter. You are a good person. Someone who loves her to death. Cliched isnt it? Love her to life. You are not in competition with her or with any other person out there.. who are out to get her. You arent in competition with yourself either. Its in your nature to be of a phlegmatic melacholy personality. You have taken care of the little details. There isnt any room for her to make mistakes. Like all of us, she makes them and they glaringly stand out. Hence her feeling of insecurity. She cant match your spotless record. Why are you trying so hard to be the person you want her to love. She loved you two years ago and she still does. Enough to want a little understanding from you and a little action on your part to do some thinking of your take of things in life. Stop trying to fix things up. There's nothing to fix up. She mentioned that two 'perfect' people arent meant for each other? Friend, let's stop for a sec here. See the problem now? "Perfect". It is short mail from you. So I am guessing here. Dont mean to upset you. I have two brothers like you. Perfect type. I am excellently imperfect. Rather imperfectly excellent. Dont be a Mr Fix it. That's the trouble with us guys. Always trying to fix. Try some listening. No matter how strong the temptation- just zip the lip. After some time send her roses. Flowers have a language of their own. Its fragrant silence. That's whu women folk love flowers so much. The dinner follows? Try the burger outlet. Remember the lip? Zip Zip. Trust me friend. I went thru two relationships before this dawned on me. I tell you what. Do this. You'll have her again. Break is not a break down. Needs no fixing. Just seal the lips. Open them when you kiss her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2006): F**k that! if she says she needs some space something is going on definately otherwise if she loves would feel smootherd by you.If u get married is always going to go on that way ? how she did not need any space the last 2 years you have been going out together? i suggest u investigate and find out what is happening before ur feelings get burned for life
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reader, chrisocrx +, writes (16 January 2006):
buddy i just got the same thing a week ago i too am going to give her the space she needs. To help you they love us and dont want to date other people. they just want too find themselfes and get a grasp on there life. and if there is room after there soulserching thing for us we get back into it..We desided on 100% no contact but we do meet for diner in 4 weeks. and did your girl say broke up or seperated. bottom line this sucks we have no control,balls in there court,we have to let them make the call on this one.it sucks to say but dude no matter if we win or lose something good will come out of it. i hope
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reader, chrisocrx +, writes (16 January 2006):
buddy i just got the same thing a week ago i too am going to give her the space she needs. To help you they love us and dont want to date other people. they just want too find themselfes and get a grasp on there life. and if there is room after there soulserching thing for us we get back into it..We desided on 100% no contact but we do meet for diner in 4 weeks. and did your girl say broke up or seperated. bottom line this sucks we have no control,balls in there court,we have to let them make the call on this one.it sucks to say but dude no matter if we win or lose something good will come out of it. i hope
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): buddy i just got the same thing a week ago i too am going to give her the space she needs. To help you they love us and dont want to date other people. they just want too find themselfes and get a grasp on there life. and if there is room after there soulserching thing for us we get back into it..We desided on 100% no contact but we do meet for diner in 4 weeks. and did your girl say broke up or seperated. bottom line this sucks we have no control,balls in there court,we have to let them make the call on this one.it sucks to say but dude no matter if we win or lose something good will come out of it. i hope
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reader, dubb102002 +, writes (5 January 2006):
dude i dont know, i just got that speech too. i guess i am gonna give my girl her space. we work together and she says she still loves me, but doesnt know what she wants. it is hard to see her here. so good luck to you and i guess just give her space and hopefully it will work out
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reader, kellyO  +, writes (4 January 2006):
 I agree with the other here,i think u need to give her some space as she requested. she obviously seems confused and it might help her to think and weigh what she wants. She might even at the end realise she wants to be with u and she misses u much.
I know this is difficult becos u do love her but that is what she wants. if u over crowd her now u might end up making things worse.
If she doesnt come back to u then it wasnt meant to be and its best u move on to someone else.
For now go out and have fun with alot of friends and activities.
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reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (4 January 2006):
 I think you definitely need to give her the space she wants. She seems like she may have some stuff on her mind at the moment, not necessarily about you two, and needs some time to think it over alone.
I understand you love her and this will be really hard for you to do. A lot of the time you'll be wondering 'is she ever gonna come back?' But if it's right for both of you, she will. You can't force people into doing anything and, if you give her the space she needs and she comes back to you of her own accord, you'll know this is what she really wants and you can both make a proper go of things again. Good luck and be patient, it's totally normal to need some space sometimes.
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