New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login244945 questions, 1084256 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

My gf took an overdose when I went out w/ friends. Now she claims she's pregnant to keep me from going out!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 February 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 22 February 2007)
A male United States age 36-40, *ackson writes:

i have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months but i don't feel for her what i used to. we get on but she's making me feel claustrophobic, she's stopped seeing her friends and wants to spend all her time with me. last year she took an overdose when she heard that i'd been for a drink with some of my oldest female friends. she overdosed in the next room so of course i was there to dial 911. more recently i visited my ex's dad - my ex wasn't even there! - and 2 days later my girlfriend said she was pregnant but refuses to take a test in front of me. i always have to remind her to take her pill as she seems almost reluctant and has forgotten on more than one occasion. i know she's had a hard life and has no relationship with her parents, so she has noone but me. man i'm just scared she'll hurt herself if i leave. please help!

View related questions: my ex

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007):

Martin Luther King Jr. had a history of attempting suicide. Why is this? Because of his personality type.

He felt a great responsibility to others and when he could not meet his own personal expectations; it was torturous.

So what did he do?

He got help. He sought therapy. He gained perspective. He was able to better channel his strengths and better deal with disappointments or setbacks.

Personality with a horrid childhood-that is a heck of alot to deal with and overcome and it would be emotionally draining as well as mentally corrosive. I cannot even begin to imagine what it is like to live like that.

While I do not support her attempts I can understand the why. Most cases like this understanding is a start.

I say BF needs to get some counselling for himself to deal with the trauma of having been with the EX. It is not something everyone can walk away from unscathed.

I hope the GF has counselling in place as well. I hope she wants to be in a happier, healthier, more stable state. This can happen with therapy and good support.

Get her someone else other than you. Tell her what Willy and Irish have said.

It is your choice to hurt yourself. It is not what I want you to do to yourself and it isn't healthy to want to do this. You need help and I am incapable of giving this to you the way you need. I don't have the tools or knowledge and that is unbelieveably scary.

I would like for you to get counselling.

I cannot stay in this relationship out of guilt and your need to abuse and control me isn't right, it makes me unhappy, and I do not believe you trust me or love me because you want to hurt me by saying you will kill yourself. This is hard to deal with. I know it is for you too.

You wanting to hurt yourself or kill yourself is you choice, in your control, in your hands regardless what I do or don't do. That scares me and I don't want to be scared. This is unhealthy love.

I will tell you what I won't do. I will not stay in this relationship if you continue to do this. It is destructive and damaging to us both.

Let me know when you want counselling, when you want to make this work. It is your choice. You get a choice. You get to decide you if want happiness. Everyday there is an answer, an out. You need to decide if you are worth and I belive you are.

Best Wishes.

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007):

I agree with Willy. To the Aunt who stated 'it takes a lot of courage to overdose', I have to ask: what on earth are you thinking?? Attempting suicide by overdosing is not courageous at all...what glory is in that! To potentially cause extreme heartache and pain to the people you love (family, friends) by attempting this, is clearly delusional. This is a mental health issue for this young man's gf. His gf's attempt to OD was the work of a very depressed, troubled person. She was indeed, very lucky that she survived this attempt. I also want to state to young people reading this that, we all have problems in life but overdosing to gain attention is horribly wrong and the consequences could be death. I think humans should use every possible rationale they can, to delay any decisions or attempts they might make, to gain attention. As stated in my original posting....yes, get this woman professional help but this young man is in no way responsible, for whatever 'acts' his gf does to her person.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2007):

willywombat agony auntAt the risk of seeming critical, taking an overdose is not something that should really be debated or discussed as a life option/attention seeking device on here. It is wholly inappropriate considering some of the people who read this site are impressionable kids.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, mum2be United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2007):

It sounds to me like your girlfriend is crying out for help. It takes a lot of courage to overdose, even if you dont intend to kill your self (I know, i did it for years).

Try talking to her, and, i know it is hard but pretend to believe that she is pregnant, this will help her to see that you are on her side, which is important. Make her know that you are beside her 100%, and try taking her out with you, so she knows what you get up to. I know its hard, but if you leave her now, she might haunt you for the rest of your life.

Stick with her and i hope it goes OK

xxx

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (21 February 2007):

willywombat agony auntYou need out of this relationship. You must not give in to any form of emotional blackmail. When you tell her make sure somebody else is with you and then tell her that trying to 'blackmail' you by taking pills etc is not going to work. Stick to your guns. Do not give in. She will get the message.

The advice given by the other aunt's on here appears sound. Please get yourself out of this situation asap.

Good luck, stay strong.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007):

Like the other Aunts on this page stated, you have a huge problem on your hands. You are being emotionally blackmailed and that is a form of control, on her part. It seems like this girl has you by the short hairs and she's pulling out all the tricks to get you where she wants you. You have a very manipulative, troubled, needy gf. You cannot be expected to carry her through this. She's a big girl...she owns this problem and she totally responsible for her actions and reactions, in life. She is holding you captive, with your own burden of misplaced guilt and she herself has a very serious co-dependent problem. It is not as much about you as it is about herself. What she does to herself is not and cannot fall on your shoulders. It is not about you and is much more about her mental state. She really needs professional help...the state of mind she's in is not healthy..you are like an obssession to her. If she threatens to hurt herself you must put your foot down and let her know you will not take responsibility in that and will not let her manipulate you with threats, real or not. You have to get this under control and start living your own life as happily as you can! You owe it to yourself.

I have a feeling she isn't pregnant, but you can't be sure. Confirm if she is or isn't pregnant first. Take her to a doctor. If she's not pregnant, stop having sex with her immediately and get yourself out...now! You are at risk of creating a painful future lifetime destiny for yourself, based simply, on some orgasms. You will pay a heavy price for those momentary thrills. Added to that, she doesn't sound like she is mature or solid enough to be a Mother. But if she does end up pregnant, realize even if you still leave this relationship...you will be stuck with her for at least two decades. When either of you carries on in other relationships you'll have to live close by to each other, so the both of you can parent this child. This will mean constant contact with her on decisions based around this child, ongoing child support for at least 18 years and a lot of visitations. How fair is all this to an innocent child? All this is a darned good reason not to have intercourse with her with someone you will likely not want to be connected to for a lifetime. It makes sense, when you have a manipulative, untrustworthy person in your life, the most important thing to do is get them out of your life and keep them out of your life.

I don't have to say this but I will anyways. In the future, you need to learn how to discriminate and discern a woman who would be good for your life. And as long as you understand this kind of relationship is one you won’t trap yourself in, ever again, you have learned everything there is to be learned here. Tell her it's over, and walk away.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, DrPsych United Kingdom +, writes (21 February 2007):

DrPsych agony auntIt sounds like your girlfriend has some serious psychological difficulties that need to be resolved through professional intervention. The best thing you can do is to try to persuade her to see a doctor or counsellor as those control issues and self harm behaviours can be very destructive. You shouldnt feel guilty - she is blaming you for how she feels right now because it is the easy option. There are some very effective community-based crisis intervention teams out there to work with young people with self harm disorders so try to find out what is local to you and try to get her to see a doctor.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (21 February 2007):

AskEve agony auntShe sounds immature, unbalanced and "needy." You can't be responsible for her for the rest of your life. If you want to stay in this relationship then you know you will be responsible for her and will have to be very careful about doing things that although you know to be harmless, may not feel that way to your girlfriend. If you really love her and think you can help her then great! If you feel claustrophobic and want out then you need to do that.

I don't feel she's ready for a relationship yet, she has a lot of psychological issues and needs to get these sorted out and I feel these run deeper than what you are able to take on. Just be very careful she doesn't get pregnant to trap you into waiting with her, which would be a disaster to you.

She needs to go and see a counsellor to help her deal with the issues she has both from the past and the present. You should not need to feel responsible or trapped to be with her if you feel it's not working and it's unfair of her to do the things she's doing to keep you there.

Who does she live with now? Ask her to see a counsellor, let her know that it's not working out between the two of you. It will be hard for her I know but like I said, you should NOT be made to feel responsible for her imbalances. See if you can talk to one of her friends and let them know to keep an eye on her once/if you decide to break it off with her and leave it at that and get on with your life. YOU are not her keeper!

Eve

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, dragonette Sweden +, writes (21 February 2007):

dragonette agony auntListen to yourself; she overdosed because you visited an old friend who happened to be female. Does this sound like a person that you can help? No, she needs professional help.

If she was "just" insecure about herself it would be one thing, but this is much more serious.

And start wearing condoms if you have sex with her. You can't trust her to take the pill if you have to remind her all the time.

When looking at it logically: if she would hurt herself because of you leaving, it still would not be your fault. She is an adult and you cannot be expected to look after her for the rest of your life just because she had a rough childhood.

But emotionally I can understand how it would be difficult for you to leave, and I admire you for wanting to help her.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007):

have you actually seen a pregnancy test, if not i suggest you ask to see one, if she doesn't to be honest i don't think she is pregnant, anyone would be excited, tell he u can talk about it together, if she is just sayin it to stop you going, out stand up for your rights, the thing is, do you love her??,

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "My gf took an overdose when I went out w/ friends. Now she claims she's pregnant to keep me from going out!"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0469087999990734!