A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl 3 months ago, and we fell madly in love and were both 39 and have talked about marriage and we both feel we have found our soul mates in each other. During these 3 months ive found out that her last relationship the guy cheated on her and when she found out he hit her. 2 years they ve been seperated and he still harasses her and threatens her with ruining her career etc. She has pushed me away a couple of times, everytime he threatens her. He broke her and she lost nearly everything when they split and she was so low in her life he had told her he would back off if she slept with him. I just found out she had slept with him just before we connected because she thought he would leave her alone. She just found out she is pregnant 3 weeks ago and has now pushed me away and never wants to hear from me again. She doesnt want me bringing up another mans baby and tells me she doesnt feel in love. Not sure what should i do, as it was only 3 weeks ago when we were talking about Marriage and having kids oursleves.
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (21 January 2012):
 Hi,
You have 2 options:
1) stay in this relationship, support her and never bring up the past an forgive her. Make sure she's absolutely positive that the relationship with the ex is definitely over and care on with your lives as a normal couple.
2) walk away and never look back.
It's crucial that if you decide to stay, you cannot talk about the ex, or hold the new baby against her. You need to be able to forgive her. Otherwise, this relationship will never work, will only bring pain for the both of you. So, with that being said, I hope that you can both sit down, have a serious talk, commit to each other and try to be happy together and make sure you take care of the new baby as if it was your own.
Good luck/best wishes
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2012): I'm sorry but you need to move on. She's too broken to be good for you and you can't fix someone else.
She slept with the other guy behind your back. She had to be nuts to think it would make him "leave her alone". That's the kind of bullshit people tell their partner to cover their lies. Or else maybe its something they tell themselves to rationalize doing things when deep down they know better.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (21 January 2012):
 You got into things real quick and im not saying that it cant happen that way just that things can change very quickly early on in an relationship. I think she is focusing on her and the baby and wants it just that way her life is complicated and i dont think she wants to put you or her into a position as she will be feeling vunerable and scared. I think you have to move on. However if you are still hung up on her then go talk to her ask her all the questions you want answering, it may turn out good or it could turn worse so be prepared for whatever outcome may come if you go down the road of truth. if you cannot communicate and answer each others questions its unhealthy not to be able to communicate properly in a relationship. hope this helps good luck aphex xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): I'm sorry to hear this. This woman is a train wreck. Part of it is because that's what happens to victims of abusive relationships - the abuse really messes a person up. Another part though, is that she hasn't ever been able to break free from the abusive relationship so she's continuing to ALLOW her ex to control her. It's always difficult to be involved with someone like this who is out of control of her own life, no matter how much you may love her or have in common with her, that's only one part of her. If you're thinking about long term plans you have to consider everything about a potential partner. Not just how much you have in common and how well you connect with each other when you're together, but also the rest of how she chooses to handle her life and live her life and the decisions she makes, and her decision to recognize when she needs help and to seek it, or not. From what you've written it sounds to me like she could very well change her mind and come running back to you at some point if you give her time. To be honest she sounds kind of unstable to me which is why I think she could change her mind. But then you have to expect she could further down the road change it back again and push you away again.I would say, if you can, put off making any big decisions for now. Wait until her baby is born. In the meantime make no assumptions about your future with her. Just go into "wait and see" mode. tell her that you will be there for her if she needs you, show that you care but don't push her or be intrusive or press for her to give you an answer about your future yet.Eventually she may decide to be with you despite having his baby. But there's no guarantees. She's shown that she's a train wreck and living a life that's out of her control, she's handed over control of her life to him, and this twist of events could just solidify that forever.
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