| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend of over a year is a self-harmer. I dont know how to deal with as she wont talk about it and says 'it's private.' I feel helpless, worrried sick and guilty. What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (25 January 2006):
 I think Irish said it all to tell you the truth!
But I must add, that sometimes self-harmers perform these actions not only as a release of their emotions but also as a way of obtainging notice and sympathy. If she won't alk to you then you should try to steer her in the direction of qualified professionals who will be able to help her.
Remember this tho: she is the one with the problem and she is the one who needs help. Your GF is mentally ill, whilst I understand that there is a stigma surounding those words she does need professional help. But you cannot fix her, you can only attempt to steer her in the right direction to seek the help she needs. Please don't feel that you will fail her if she doesn't chose to heed any advice you or a health professional may give her.
Good Luck x
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 January 2006):
 Do you mean she cuts herself? Anorexic? Bulimic? Not enough info here but what there is very disconcerting. Try to get her to go see a counselor or psychologist, it’s totally private and she can talk freely. Let her know that you are there for her but don’t try to talk her about it unless she brings it up. Let her feel secure in your love while a professional helps work this out. Good luck to both of you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2006): Your gf's urge to self-harm is likely triggered by feelings she can't express-such as anger, hurt, shame, frustration, or depression. It's what many experts call an unhealthy coping mechanism. This could mean your gf has not developed healthy ways of dealing with strong emotions, intense pressure, or upsetting relationship problems. You may have to step in and talk to her parents and ask them to help her. Sometimes adults try to downplay the problems their kids have or think it's just a phase. If this happens with her parents, find other people (family counselor or nurse) to assist you in getting help for her.
She is experiencing deep emotional pain/distress and needs to work with a counselor or mental health professional to sort through her feelings, heal her past hurts, and to learn better ways to cope with life's stresses. Start with your doctor's office, at school(if you are teens), or at a mental health clinic in your community.
Although cutting can be a difficult pattern to break, it is very possible she will stop. Getting professional help to overcome her problem doesn't mean that she's a nutcase or she's gone off the deep end. Remember, emotional pain is physical pain and she's hurting deeply inside and that has to be dealt with. Therapists and counselors are trained and can help her find the inner strengths that will help her heal. These inner strengths can then be used to cope with life's other problems in a healthy way. What a caring, wonderful guy you are-to write in and share your heartfelt concerns about her. Stay calm, loving and supportive with her and I wish you both..the best of luck. Take care dear.
Hugs, Irish
...............................
|
