A
male
age
30-35,
*evolution
writes:One week ago my girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of summer. We've been together for some time now and it felt like the breakup came out of nowhere since we had fun with each other earlier that day (interestingly enough, this is the exact same way my previous relationship ended 3 years ago).That day, she gave me several reasons that didn't seem to make much sense (such as the relationship feeling fake and that she only looked forward to the sex). But the next day she admitted that she still loves me and actually broke up with me because, even though I was a "perfect bf and did nothing wrong", once she finds someone that has potential for the long run, she no longer wants to be in a relationship anymore. She values her independence more and that she would hate to lose me in her life completely.I let her know how much this break up has confused me and that there is no bad feelings between us. I told her maybe we could be friends someday but that we couldn't be now (this is because I know it would hurt to be around her if she doesn't want to be with me anymore) and that I hope she's happy.One of our mutual friends validated the point that she has commitment issues so I don't have much doubt about her reasoning anymore. I still love this girl and want so much to be with her.What I can do to make this work? Or should I just completely forget about her?
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lovekiss  +, writes (29 October 2011):
it sounds like she does not care about you if i was you i would get on with my life and leave her and if she asked me out again say, "no so sorry to hear though"
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): she's not relationship material. walk away and don't look back now or when she comes back crying about how she took you for granted and messed up the perfect thing.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 May 2011):
I don't think you can make it work. Some people are emotionally unable to commit, and I think your ex may be one of them. If say, she grew up in a house where her parents divorced, or saw cheating or has had trouble with emotions, then it will be difficult for her to truly commit and become intimate.
In fairness, she did let you go. There are some women (and men), who marry a good person knowing they're good, then start to secretly cheat, or pull away when it's too late. Your ex at the very least has spared you a lot pain later in life.
In no way have you done anything wrong. You couldn't have done more. This is entirely about her and her own emotional state. You're a great guy, and she said that. Now what you need to do is pull away from her and find a woman who is far more secure with her emotions and life.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 When someone breaks up with you, or if you have decided to end a relationship yourself, you must always follow through with it. Don't try to get them back, don't try to fix things or go on accord with yourself. Don't try to change, improve, make better, get her back, win her over, convince her etc.
She left out of her own free will, and you were a perfect boyfriend. If she doesn't know how to value that, then it's her loss. She honestly doesn't deserve to have you fight to get her back. Nor would it work, because for a relationship to be BOTH people need to be on board and work towards the same goal. She's pulling to get out, and you want to pull and get her back in. You see that's not going to work. Just let her go and think of the positive sides.
There are positive sides. You now have the opportunity to find a real proper girlfriend who isn't whimsical about what she wants, someone who's determined in her mind and knows what she wants, and wants you. Someone who wants the same out of a relationship as you do.
Next time you meet someone, as you get closer to them, discuss what it is you want out of a relationship. What do you want out of it? Marriage? A bit of fun? Settle down? What sort of lifestyle do you want, to grow old and gray with a person, travel the world, live in a house in the country or city-life and career? Discussing these things, and long term prospects, will at least give you a heads up about whether a person is a commitment phobe or not.
Love is never enough to make a relationship work. Look for someone who is as willing to put in an effort as you are, in other words not a romantic person who thinks that everything needs to go smooth or else it isn't worth it. There will be rough patches in life, the relationship might be more dull at times, especially if you want a marriage... You need to find someone who isn't scared by that, someone who wants to work to keep you!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): Eyez is spot on. This girl knew what she was doing with you from the get go. Because she knew that the minute you were hooked, she would be off but she failed to explain that to you. Some get a kick out of leaving a trail of broken hearts. And the old chestnut about wanting to keep you in their life is just a ploy to block you from having closure and moving on. Don't fall for it because it will just leave you miserable and unavailable for the next girl. Have your closure and move on now before she can play any more games with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Soconfusedanymore +, writes (30 May 2011):
 I am so sorry! Such a tricky heart wrenching situation.. Here it is... You seem to be this nice guy who fell inlove with a girl...and i emphasize girl!... Find someone who isn't afraid to commit and give YOU their all..and not a total mind game. Playing with hearts can be dangerous..and one day, this girl will reap what she sows. Break ups are tough..and sometime it takes a while to move on. But.. In the long run you will be a better person, and unfortunately it is a harsh lesson learned. You being the perfect bf can and will find the perfect gf to suit you better. Ugh..cannot stand people with commitment issues..as I have also dealt with males of this kind! Just buck up, keep your mind occupied, go out w some friends, and ignore this girl bc she clearly doesnt deserve a nice guy. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 May 2011):
 Its people like your girlfriend who make the world such a confusing place!! She doesn't want to be with a perfectly great guy and now the guy's wondering, "what more could I have done"??!!
Honestly, just let it go. There is nothing you can or should do to make it work, because the more you try, the more she'll push you away. She seems to be one of those people who despises those who like her, and is scornful towards those who dont. Is she overly judgmental and critical of others?
Whatever it is, she's actually done a favour to you by letting you go before things got more serious between you guys. You seem to be a really nice guy who values relationships, and you deserve someone much better and more mature than this confused ex of yours.She doesnt realize now, but she will very soon...its ENTIRELY her loss.
...............................
A
female
reader, RedLips +, writes (30 May 2011):
 I personally think you should bite the bullet and try your best to forget about her. To me it just sounds like your being used by her and you have been for sometime. Like she says you've been the perfect boyfriend to her, so someday you'll be the perfect boyfriend to someone else.I know it won't be easy and believe me I really do... But you'll get over her eventually.Best of luck in your future :) x
...............................
|
