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My g/f is depressed and I feel that I am developing strong feelings for my coworker!

Tagged as: Faded love, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2009) 8 Answers - (Newest, 31 August 2009)
A male age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I am having really mixed feelings. I have been with my current girlfriend for a little over half of a year. At first, things were pretty good. Lately, she is always depressed about something, never wants to do anything, and is an all around downer. I try to cheer her up, but it is just hopeless. There is always something wrong. I, on the other hand, am a fun loving, happy, always look on the bright side, type of guy. I love life and want to live it to the fullest. I do however love my girlfriend very much. It is getting to the point where I just don't want to try anymore though.

Here is where things get even more difficult. I enjoy hanging out with my coworkers, some of which are female. A few of us go out and do things every so often. There is this one girl that is just a load of fun. She really knows how to enjoy life and have a good time. She is such a happy person that it actually makes me feel good to hang out with her. We hang out, and it is a new feeling from what I am used to. When we talk, life is fantastic. I don't feel that depressed, negative feeling from her. It is the complete opposite of what I know now. When she talks, she has such positive things to say, and I could listen to her for hours. She likes to go on adventures and enjoy life. She is such a great person to be friends with.

I feel like I am developing strong feelings for her... I don't know how I should deal with it though. She has a boyfriend, and I have a girlfriend. Plus, I don't know how she feels about me. We were talking about things we love, and looked into each others eyes. The eye contact lasted for a minute, and there was silence. We both had big smiles, just staring... Like we knew how perfect that moment was. That is pretty much what triggered my feelings.

I really don't know how to deal with this situation... Should I just push the feelings away, forget about it, and continue being friends?

View related questions: co-worker, depressed, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend

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A female reader, sanrio.kawaii United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2009):

Well at the end of the day, you cant have the co worker no matter what happens because she is taken. End of.

And as for your gf take her to the doctors and get her some help. Depression is an illness and needs to be treated either with counselling or medication. Get her some proper help and if you still dont like the way she is about life then leave her, but dont just leave her without trying to get her proper help. And if you love her as much as you say you do then once the depressions sorted out you wont want to leave her.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009):

Look,

We may have judged you based on your earlier post.

You cannot be responsible for somebody elses happiness. You are responsible for your own.

I think you need to realise that this may be over already and you just havent finished it.

I think its time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009):

dear male anon- i think you have learn that in your situation more actaully means more - meaning GIVE MORE INFO UPFRONT, we are not psychic.

if you feel so strongly about your gf's apathy then just end it. same as before, my response. if you feel you have done everything to make your relationship work,and she is not coming to the party, end it. simple. no fuss. and certainly no drama.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009):

OP here. Let me clear up a few things, because I apparently have not explained the situation very well.

My gf does nothing. She is unwilling to get a job. Unwilling to make friends. Lies around my place all day doing nothing. I have busted my butt to do all that I can to cheer her up. This has been a multiple month long thing. I have made no progress, no matter how hard I try. When we go out on the town, she complains the whole time and we can't even have any fun. no matter what I do, she always thinks the worst and can never be happy. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into trying to make this work. That is why I have been giving up on it recently. That was far before I even felt a spark for the coworker.

And NOW this happens. I am not some player that goes girl to girl, and this is the first time that something like this has ever happened. Why else would I be on here asking for advice?

I hope that clears some things up. I hope to now receive some advice that is actually helpful. Thanks.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009):

time to let go of the girlfriend. do not waste her time any longer.

instead of out fooling around where is the support for your gf. you say that you both are opposites . well you go on and be with your new good time girl and let your gf move on to better and more mature.

if you want to continue playing with the new woman, just end it with the current gf.then you can continue starring and holding hands with the new one .....until the cows come home.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009):

Fair enough, well maybe your post is misleading or Im missing something. But seriously Would you ever want someone to stay with you for a second because they felt obliged to?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009):

that is a very warped way to interpret the situation. not really the truth at all. thanks though.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009):

So lets boil this down.

Your GF of 6 months has been feeling down lately. You try to cheer her up but you would rather be out with your co-workers than cheering her up. Your attracted to one of your co-workers and would like us to sanction your breaking up with your GF and going off with the co-worker.

Tell you what let your girlfriend down gently explain to her that you're not the one for her and that she deserves a guy who actually knows the meaning of the word love. Because if you actually loved your girlfriend you would be upset that she is constantly down and being with her would not be a chore.

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