A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiancé and I have been together for almost three years and engaged for 7 months.I wrongly accused her of having a 'thing' for her brother in law a few times which has led to us having a 'break' for a few weeks. We reconciled but it took some time for me to forget and drop this brother in law thing.To cut a long story short, she asked me to collect my stuff the other day and I have been staying with my friend in the meantime.She has asked me to go round for a meal this week but also phoned me to say that I shouldn't get my hopes up thinking I can 'worm my way back in'.She hasn't officially said we are finished but her relationship status on FB still says she is engaged to me despite that she has posted things on FB since I moved out the other day.Do you think this means anything by her not changed the status yet?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2017): I don't think you need to go by Facebook, but by what she says and does! People surely rely too heavily on the status and opinions that are posted on social media.
You've got to deal with what's happening in real-time. That means person-to-person.
She told you not to get your hopes up! She is weighing the pros and cons; and sorting all this through her heart and subconscious-mind.
First the heart. It doesn't literally mean the organ that pumps your blood, as you know. It's the area of our minds that we acknowledge and discern our emotions and feelings. It is were we create bonds, define/establish our relationships, and form our emotional-attachment to others.
I think you're under re-evaluation as far as her heart goes.
The subconscious-mind. This is where we psychologically accept or reject our deepest inner-feelings and/or circumstances. Where we intellectually decide what is right and wrong, and make our final decisions regarding events, a crisis, submission to our guilt, grief, forgiveness, and acceptance of the truth as we know it.
You can't judge her intentions by what is changed or not changed on Facebook. You have to go by what she expresses from her heart and according to how she comes to her final conclusion about where your relationship is at the present.
You're on hold.
I feel she will articulate, or put it all in words when she feels you have had a chance to sort it out yourself. Stew on it a little, just like you made her.
You were relentless about something motivated by your jealousy; and you just wouldn't let it go. Now you've decided to be concerned?!!
You gave her a taste of what married-life might be like with you. Now the decision weighs heavily on her mind to go through with marriage. Asking you to come get your things doesn't look very good for you. She apparently wants you to feel as uncomfortable as you've made her feel.
You couldn't drop the accusation about the brother-in-law; but she is in the position to drop you. Not only would such a thing hurt her, but it would compromise her relationship with her sister. Did you forget that her sister would be upset thinking her own sister is after her husband? Did you not consider the consequences of such an accusation?
Jealousy, possessiveness, and suspicion does not come from a place of love. It comes from a dark place. It forces you to treat people like property or a possession. It tells them you don't trust them no matter how hard they try to prove they are trustworthy. It tells them that your insecurity is more powerful than your love for them. You flat-out don't trust them.
Maybe she's only trying to teach you a lesson.
Why should she vow to love, honor, cherish, and devote her life to a man who feels she cares for someone else? How do you now convince her you've changed? You've done a good job of convincing her you don't trust her. That usually backfires; because that gives her pause to now wonder why should she trust you? Guilty people are more likely be accusatory than the innocent.
I suggest you prepare your subconscious-mind and your heart for the outcome and result of your past behavior. Facebook isn't reliable at this point. That's apparently the last thing on her mind right now. She's got to rethink her wedding plans and reconsider her acceptance of your marriage proposal. It now all hangs in the balance!
Marriage is a huge step in a couple's relationship.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 April 2017):
 No, her facebook status does not mean there is hope. Just means she hasn't changed it yet. But she will. There is no such thing as a "break". You're either together, or you are not. You are not. Try to take away the good parts of this, at least you learned some valuable life lessons, so that your next relationship (and yes, you will have a next relationship) will be a happier one.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 April 2017):
 I know people who didn't change their relationship status for weeks after being very much broken up.
Facebook doesn't mean anything.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (25 April 2017):
 It means simply that she does not live her life on Facebook. If you are going to check Facebook to find out where your life is up to, you will be very disappointed. For a start, most of your "friends" will not be there for you when you need them but will "like" your posts at best.
If your girlfriend has asked you round for a meal, then I would personally think there MAY be hope for you. HOWEVER, you need to either get over this BIL thing or walk away and leave her be. She cannot spend her life reassuring you or defending herself.
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