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My future husband doesn't know I smoke and I'm scared he will hate me for it

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 January 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 17 January 2009)
A female age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I've been smoking for three years and dating my man for 2 years. he doesn't know that i smoke. I've tried quitting but its so hard because it's my relaxing point. but i'm in love with him and he hates people who smoke. i don't want to tell him because i don't want that to be the reason he hates me. i'm planning on marrying him and this is a big problem. can someone help me??? i'm desperate!!!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

The poster that said if he is a non smoker you are probably only fooling yourself is probably right. As a former smoker of less than two years we smokers think we do not smell, that our breath is normal, but no, it is not true. As a non smoker now I have to admit that I can tell a smoker from a non smoker.

As for quitting, yes it is hard and it sucks. You can do all the drugs, patches and what not, but truth be told until you want to quit, and I mean truly want to quit, those will not work. I smoked for 20 years, over a pack a day. I quit without any drugs, just packs of regular gum and have a piece when I want a cigarette.

Anyway, if you want to quit you have to WANT to. Is there any reason your bf has given you that makes you think he would leave, such as I hate smokers or anything like that? I would come clean, tell him that you have been hiding this because you were afraid, but you could really use his help as you want to kick it.

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A male reader, NITRAM BLUE Philippines +, writes (16 January 2009):

NITRAM BLUE agony auntIf one is a smoker, one understands what cigarettes do and what cigarettes have. Cigarettes have nicotine.

Nicotine is an addictive drug. It causes changes in the brain that make people want to use it more and more. In addition, addictive drugs cause unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. The good feelings that result when an addictive drug is present — and the bad feelings when it's absent — make breaking any addiction very difficult. Nicotine addiction has historically been one of the hardest addictions to break.

Cigarettes and other forms of tobacco are addicting.

Nicotine is the drug that causes addiction.

Pharmacologic and behavioral characteristics that determine tobacco addiction are similar to those that determine addiction to drugs such as heroin and cocaine.

And if you are a smoker, you will understand that when a person smokes a cigarette, the body responds immediately to the chemical nicotine in the smoke. Nicotine causes a short-term increase in blood pressure, heart rate and the flow of blood from the heart. It also causes the arteries to narrow. The smoke includes carbon monoxide, which reduces the amount of oxygen the blood can carry. This, combined with the nicotine effects, creates an imbalance between the demand for oxygen by the cells and the amount of oxygen the blood can supply.

Smoking kills, that is why your future husband doesn't want you to smoke. Cigarette smoking may increase the risk of developing hardening of the arteries and heart attacks in several ways. First, carbon monoxide may damage the inner walls of the arteries, encouraging fatty buildups in them. Over time, this causes the vessels to narrow and harden. Nicotine may also contribute to this process. Smoking also causes several changes in the blood that make clots — and heart attack — more likely. Next usually excess nicotine are deposited at the back of the teeth and if left uncleaned may cause bad breath and gingivitis. Visiting a dentist to scrape off the nicotine deposits(through dental prophylaxis) is recommended.

Discontinuing the nicotine addiction is not easy, as non smokers attest. It is not easy like counting 1-2-3, no siree. Even if the smoker tries to quit, she will develop some nasty symptoms of nicotine withdrawal and these are:





depressed mood

difficulty concentrating


decreased heart rate

increased appetite or weight gain

The symptoms are uncomfortable and manifest itself because if the smoker quits smoking, the nicotine stays in the body. From 85–90 percent of nicotine in the blood is metabolized by the liver and excreted from the kidney rapidly. The estimated half-life for nicotine in the blood is two hours. However, smoking represents a multiple dosing situation with considerable accumulation during smoking. Therefore, it can be expected that blood nicotine would persist at significant levels for six to eight hours after smoking stopped. The longer you have smoked, the longer it will take the body to cleanse itself from nicotine.

To reduce the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal, a medicine named CHAMPIX made by Pfizer is taken. For two weeks, the smoker takes a tablet one in the morning and another one in the evening. For two weeks while taking the medicine, the smoker can smoke her brand of cigarettes. But what is noticable is after 10-12 days of taking the medicine, the cigarette taste bland. This is a sign that the medicine is kicking in. She can stop anytime now after 2 weeks and continue the medicines for about 4 months until smoking is over.

The thing about smoking is it is difficult to get out from because of the mentioned symptoms. Even if you have the will power to quit cold, the tendency is you will be tempted to go back to the old habit because your friends, family members or your co-workers smoke. A smoker fails to quit when she smells nicotine in the air or sees a cigarette ad. It could be from a smoking lady taking out her garbage, a pedestrian walking with an unlighted cigarette in his hand or simply an advertisment from a tobacco company.

If you want to get rid of these obstacles and you really want to quit smoking.

Read the links, that I have disclosed, see your doctor and get a prescription, buy the medicines, follow the instructions and resolve to quit without the withdrawal pangs. After 4 months of medication, it will be over. You will no longer be a slave to cigarettes and you will no longer crave for nicotine even if you are trapped in a warehouse full of Marlboros, Philip Morris or Benson & Hedges.

I have seen that worked wonderfully on people who were addicted to cigarettes, that they consume 4 packs a day. That is a fact.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009):

You kiss your bf dont you?? Well if hes a non-smoker he will be able to taste or smell cigarette smoke on you? Maybe the only person you are fooling is yourself.

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A female reader, sheribaby38 United States +, writes (16 January 2009):

sheribaby38 agony aunthave you tried the patch or the gum? is there anyway you can take your mind off smoking and do something else? i know its hard but when you are a non smoker its terrible being with a smoker. the smell and the smoke on your clothes and hair is a horrible smell. try real hard to quit.i know what will help... look at smokers teeth all yellow and brown and ladies who have wrinkles around there lips from smoking that will help... lol... its pretty nasty !! sure im no help at all to you on this but i thought id write anyways lol but im more worried about you thinking about getting married at such a young age then your smokng habit! whats up with that?? your so young!!

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A male reader, NITRAM BLUE Philippines +, writes (16 January 2009):

NITRAM BLUE agony auntThere is a drug that could help you quit smoking. But before buying the drug you have to be positively sure that you are going to quit.

I have a cousin-in-law, who have been smoking for 20+ years and my cousin is a non smoker. She wanted to quit because they have a daughter who has asthma. She tried many times but she failed to control her cravings for nicotine specially when she is around friends and co-workers who smokes. She tried this drug and it worked. It has been 2 years now since she ended the 20 year smoking habit.

The drug is to be taken for a couple of weeks to four months. It removes the cravings and lessens the withdrawal symptoms when you stop smoking.

Since you were not able to identify the country you are in, I would pressume that it is available. In different countries, it have different names but it is still the same thing and same manufacturer.

For more information about this drug, check this links and ask your doctor for thier opinions and prescription:

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