| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: I have a girlfriend currently but a lot of my friends think she is ugly but i think she's beautiful and i love her. I do get teased sometimes and it really gets on my nerves. what should i do??? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2005): If your friends only tease you about her looks then they are not good friends. If they tease about more than looks then maybe they are looking out for you. You need to find out if your friends see something you don't about her.
You friends could be limiting their comments to looks because that is the easiest to say to another friends face. Do you think they could tell you that she is mean or unfriendly ? Do you think they could say she is controlling you ? They may be too scared to say something you need to hear. So find out from your friends.
If their comments are only her looks then dump the friends.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005):
"Confronting" them is all wrong. If you let them know it bugs you are going to get ridden about it even more. Although I did know a guy who would glaze over and fight anyone who said shit about his current girl. That worked but I wouldnt recommend it.
The best way of dealing with this kind of thing is to have some of the guys get to know her one on one (well plus you). Maybe an airport pickup or something so they feel they owe her. If they spend time with her they'll get to see her as a person and will be able to look past whatever her deformity is (now I am teasing you). If you do this with a couple of the 'thought leaders' among your friends and any teasing will die out.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2005): I agree with the other postings. You and your gf should just continue being happy..because at the core of any person is not what's on the outside..it's her beauty, her compassion and niceness that comes from within. Your friends are very superficial, immature people and I wouldn't let them tear your gf down. I think you are realizing what they think, doesn't matter and I commend you for that. So many young people choose the 'weaker" route and allow peer pressure affect their lives in such negative ways. Sadly, they are the people who worry about what others think and are usually thinking about trivial things: looks, possessions, competing for some imagined prize like attention from others. You are annoyed with their ignorant comments because you know how disrespectful and cruel they are being towards you and your gf. Try to think more about what you want to think about-don't waste precious mind energy into thinking about their negative thoughts. Ignore them-keep replacing their negativity with your own positive thoughts. It shows yourself your own strength of character and that is a gift. Perhaps yout friends do this, because they have their own personal disappointments and frustrations that they cannot cope with. Perhaps it makes them all feel better to 'put down' others. Kind of sad..because this type of behaviour only shows the world that they possess the least admirable of being a good person and that is the loss of their humanity. So feel pity for people like this. Remember, life is too short to live by someone else’s rules/standards and if we do this we become chained by fear of being true to ourselves and those we do love. You may want to distance yourself from these friends. Genuine, true friends don't behave this way. Live your life because it is 'your' life and pay no mind to what the immaturity and superficiality of these "friends". Good luck and stick to your guns...never allow people to have that type of "power" over your own life. Take Care
Hugs, Irish
...............................
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (12 December 2005):
Either your 'friends' are exstremely shallow people or are simply just jealous. People who put others down and make fun of them do it either for power and control or through the emotion of jealousy, they see someone with somethign they want but they cant have it, so the put them down in hope they will gain the power. So in relation to you, you say your beliebe your gf is really beautiful and I'm sure she is, your friends are probably jealous that you have such a great gf and are trying to make you embarrased so then you will dump her and they will have the power of controlling you. Its not a nice thing for them to do and in fact its very wrong and un acceptable! Its sad that people gets so jealous that if someone has something that they CAN'T have that they think no one should have it then.
I think standing up for you and your girlfriend is the best idea. Let them know that the way they are treaing you both is wrong. Tell them that you do not appricate it and if they don't think shes pretty well then it doesnt matter because they arent dating her. Tell them that you are a good enough person to be able to see more in poeple then just looks because you arent shallow. And if they can't understand that it is bothering you and your gf, and don't make any signs of trying to change well then distance yourself from these people.
if you stay 'friends' with them they will know they can control you and believe me being in a place where people do that is not fun! Don't let them get away with this behaviour, its very wrong!
I hoep I have helped. good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2005): Tese so-called "friends" of yours, aren't worth wasting your time over. Seriously, they are just jealous that you have a nice gf so they want to make fun of you. It's childish and stupid. I suggest you make some new friends who treat you properly and would never make fun of your gf. Don't be influenced by these people, or feel embarrassed about being with her just because of what they say. If you love her, stay with her and tell these friends they either respect who you go out with or they can forget being friends with you. Also point out that it's not all about looks, personality counts too!
Good luck and take care
...............................
A
female
reader, QOTU +, writes (11 December 2005):
 They're all stupid. Sorry, but if you think she's beautiful, and you really love her, then what they say shouldn't matter. They come across, to me, as immature pratts.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2005): To be brutally honest your friends sound very shallow to base their opinion of your girlfriend on the way she looks. When they next tease you about your girlfriend say in a calm voice that you think she is beautiful and that you do not like them making nasty remarks about her. If, after this, they continue to tease you about your girlfriend, I would suggest that you find some friends who respect you more.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2005): first of all: kudos to you for standing up for your girlfriend, and not joining in with your buddies to make fun of her! it takes a lot of courage to stand up to friends, especially when your gf is not around. about your friends, i think that if this is really bothering you, you should talk to them..maybe even individually if you get the chance. let them know that you love your girlfriend, regardless of her looks. you can see her beauty on the inside as well as the outside. it sounds as though your friends are not mature enough to understand that concept. does your girlfriend know that they tease her? how does she feel about this? i would reccomend telling your friends that you do not appreciate them talking to the woman they love as they are, and if they are planning to continue, they can do it out of your presence. if they are real friends with a genuine concern for you, they will understand that you don't want them teasing your love. i hope this helps you :) good luck with your situation!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2005): i think if your friends make fun of your girlfriend, they arent true friends. if you think she is beautiful, make sure they dont get to you. confront them, and tell them what you think
...............................
|
