A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My best friend and I have gotten pretty close since we met last year, and we run in the same circles so we have all of the same mutual friends. Recently, some of our closest friends have decided they don't want to spend time with him anymore, and they are constantly inviting me over but telling me that I cannot invite him. I can't just leave my best friend behind, so I am constantly sticking with him and we do our own thing instead. My friends have put me in a really weird position. I feel like I have to choose between them and him! Do I be straight up next time he asks and tell him that all of our friends just don't like him anymore? That seems too harsh, even though he'd probably appear to shake it off I know he's a little insecure about that kind of thing and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. But if I don't tell him the truth about why they are ignoring him, will it hurt him even more to find out later that I've been keeping this from him?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): Hi, me again, I posted the question.Yes, my other friends are all girls, but no, girl time is not the issue. I know for a fact that they just don't like him because he is often unintentionally a jerk. I met him through work and I had a bad opinion of him before I got to know him too. Yes, he can be a really big jerk sometimes. I am fully aware and sometimes it's even directed at me. But, I call him out on it and we work it out. We just work together. We have a great friendship. I could write paragraph after paragraph trying to explain this to you all but I don't think it's necessary. The real question goes back to how to tell him. They DO hate him. I DO love him. Neither of those are going to change. They have made it clear that he is not welcome and unfortunately I will choose him over them. The problem is not how to divide my time. The problem is how to explain the situation so that he isn't confused about why I never want to go to their parties with him anymore.(I know this sounds like one of those "ditches all of her friends for her boyfriend" scenarios, but don't worry about me, I have plenty of other friends in my life and we all get along, this is just one group of girls. Also he's not my boyfriend haha.) Thank you.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (9 September 2014):
 My other question - I see your best friend is male... are all your friends female?
Could it be that he is taking away from "girls time"?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2014): We all have a right to choose our friends. Your friends do not have to like everyone you choose to hangout with; although it would be the ideal situation.
If it is a general consensus no one likes him; there are things about your new best friend they find unacceptable. Did you conveniently leave out their reasons with bias?
It just doesn't make any sense.
Have they told you specifically why they don't like him? Is there a reason you would leave out these important details? Then the uncles and aunts can make a fair assessment; if your friends are being unfairly prejudiced. If you don't know why, wouldn't it make sense that you inquire from each of them independently? Why haven't you tried to change their opinions?
There may be something they know that you don't, or you don't care. Be that the case, you have taken your stance about it, so live with it.
You can't force either down the others throats. You're the one in the middle. They made their feelings known. You can try and foster a compromise; but the lack of details of why they don't like him leaves that up to speculation. My guess is they think he's an assh*le, and you don't. To each his own tastes.
Sometimes we find some people appealing that others don't.
So it is best to keep them separate from the rest. It would also be fair to let your friend know that the others don't like him, and why. Otherwise, you will have to makeup excuses and persistently protect his feelings when he notices he doesn't receive invitations from them. Worse case scenario, they will get to tell him first; and not be very nice about it.
If you insist on keeping him and selecting him as your "best" friend; then you are the one left to choose him over the others. Like it or not. You can always replace them.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Friends don't put friends in aposition like this. Your friends may need to be redefined. I'd suspect you have a choice to make. It's not going to be easy but you might just want to tell your 'friends' where to go. Stay strong and be true to yourself.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Tell him the truth, I don't think it would come as a total shock anyway, I mean, if he used to see everybody and now he is only seeing you one on one, he must have figured out that something is amiss, right ?
Tell him the truth, simply and briefly- that you have been asked to show up without him- don't get into longwinded explanations ( if you know them ) of why they don't want to see him because he is a such a °$%"! and acta like such a &$"°! etc.etc. Just tell him the fact ( you have been invited but asked not to bring him along ), he is an adult and he will know how he wants to react to that , whether shrugging it off, or confronting those ex friends, or mending his ways etc.etc.
It's nice of you wanting to spare his feelings, but ultimately he's not a small child and you are not his mom, if there's a problem with some people he should know and decide on his own what he is going to do about it , IF he is going to do anything about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2014): Hi, I posted this question.
Thank you, but I do understand why they don't like him and it won't change how I feel about him. Sometimes he can just be a lot to handle, and he's one of those personalities that doesn't quite mesh with too many others. We get along perfectly, but others don't understand his humor or his motives.
So I'm not trying to find out why they don't like him or what I can do to fix that because honestly it's a lost cause. I truly just want to know how to tell him.
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A
female
reader, ShakeWutUrMamaGaveYou  +, writes (8 September 2014):
First ask your friends why they hate him so much. Maybe he did something to hurt them in the past? If there's not a good enough reason, then explain to them that they're just being rude and how would they feel if they were being treated the way your friend is being treated. Explain that you feel like you have to choose and explain to them that you love them and him. Maybe they're acting this way because they think he's taken you away from them?If this doesn't work, then just tell your guy friend. It's better if you tell him now rather then just waiting for him to find out soon without you telling him.Good luck! xxx!
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Its important to accertain WHY your chums don't like him. What has he done or said that means your friends don't like him?
In a nutshell - if non of your friends want him around there must be a message their for you somewhere you know?
Mark
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