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My friends say I am losing my dignity. How do I get over being rejected by him? I am beside myself with grief.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Friends, Online dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 August 2011) 12 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi, I'm 31 and have guy issues. Oh yes...as always!!!

i wake up with (Everyday) what feels like a knot in my stomach and feel like I'm about to be sick as reality of what has happened hits me.

I thought I met the perfect guy and his very good looking and successful and I'll be honest, I know I won't get that type again!

I feel like I'm never going to be as lucky as to get that as he was so out of my league. 9 out 10 in looks and career etc. My friends tell me that isn't the bee all. Just I felt I wasn't good enough for him, that's why he left me.

He told me didn't want relationship but I feel we fell into one, texting everyday, seeing each other,meeting friends, having pet names etc.

Anyway he slept around lots, completely honest about it.

I was ok with it as i knew he didn't want a relationship.

Only the worst happened. He told me last weekend his met someone he actually wants to date...I stalked out her Facebook, she's smart, stunning and earns 100k (I'm average looking and work as manger of shop, so on 22k...hahaha!) big difference!!!

He said wanted to still see me. But I went mad and delted him on Facebook, sent about fifty million messages and went pysco on him and now he will not text back.

I resent him a friends request, his ignored it! I've sent him texts asking if be friends again ignored, friends say to stop as I'm losing dignity and his not going to contact me again, so just get use to it,

I don't know what I was trying to do, make him see that he wants to be with me, not her,.. That's never going to happen! Guess it's made me feel not good enough as didn't want relationship I was told and then meets someone and is now happily having one!

Will I ever get over this feeling, how can I not text him (as it's pointless as shameful as making fool out of self) how can I get him to br friends with me (as he is lovely person) and how can I stop this pain and waking up with a feeling in my stomach as I realise his Gone.

View related questions: facebook, stalking, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011):

he didnt' do anything wrong. he told you right from the start he didnt' want a relationship and that he was sleeping around. and you were fine with that. You agreed to the terms he set.

so now that he's dating someone else, you have no right to 'assault' him the way you did, blasting him with a million text messages, going psycho on him. That makes no sense at all, except that you have deep insecurities and you think it's OK to take it out on him. But it's not. This was way out of line, you behaved completely inappropriately. You knew what he was like, he didn't lie to you or anything, you chose to get yourself into this situation. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

of course he's completely ignoring you now. you scared him away. you pissed him off, whatever. Not to mention you made a complete fool of yourself. You behaved very badly so he should not be expected to put up with it and restore any friendship with you. you should just let him go, and learn from this experience and resolve not to make this mistake again with other guys.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011):

Well actually I have been with a guy like that for 9 months was worse because kids were involved. he has treated you like that because you have given him your heart and he knows he can treat you however he likes and you will be there.I split up a year last July and have texted him all year and he wanted me back but I couldnt meet.These answers above are all very well but unless they feel what your feeling which is intense love,nothing helps.the more people say he is no good, the more it will make you want to be closer.Act cool,show him your happy and not bothered.Keep texting light not mentioning anything that has happened,but your present happy situation and he will start realizing what he is missing.if he does come back, you make the rules clear.good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011):

Oh fine, cute looking guys - always giving a set of us girls butterflies, heartaches and problems to deal with. There's something you should accept being cute and handsome is not all there is to a guy. Yes its very attractive and I know that's why he was sleeping around cos everyone just wanted a piece of him. Look for other things character, integrity, understanding, commitment, is he into your favorite games or TV shows? The list goes on. Forget him

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011):

Oh fine, cute looking guys - always giving a set of us girls butterflies, heartaches and problems to deal with. There's something you should accept being cute and handsome is not all there is to a guy. Yes its very attractive and I know that's why he was sleeping around cos everyone just wanted a piece of him. Look for other things character, integrity, understanding, commitment, is he into your favorite games or TV shows? The list goes on. Forget him

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011):

Why did you even have any thoughts about him ghat something serios could happened.He told u in a beginning that all he wants is to have you around. Many guys do that. They keep several girls available for them, like a little harem, you were just one of many. And you knew that, why are you so upset?

If you were ok with him sleeping around, what is all this fuss about now? You let him know what you worth from the very beginning, agreeing to be just one of many.

I'm not saying it's bad, it's just what you chose. You settled for less, so you should have also very little expectations.

His looks mean nothing, also his money if he is acting like that. Why do you want to be around somebody who can't be monogamous. One thing would be if you completely shared his lifestyle, but you don't. Why do you want to be with somebody who swill make you suffer every day of your .

life.

At your age you probAbly would want someone who is reliable

E and caring, with whom you can have a family one day. Good looks don't last, if he is an ass he ll be an ass in 30 years but without his looks.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (28 August 2011):

chigirl agony auntHe's not gone, he didn't leave you, you were never with him!

I don't get this system of scaling people on a 1 to 10. I guess everyone is different and you don't want anything more out of a man than good looks and a good job and money?

Girl, he was sleeping around. So he's a manwhore. And he probably didn't see you as a friend, but a piece of meat to use. I assume you slept with him? If you didn't, then be happy! He told you he didn't want to date, that just mean he didn't want to date you to be specific. You should have listened, because he didn't leave you, that was him telling you he was never yours to begin with.

I'm not sure what made him so great, other than you list him being nice (maybe he wasn't since he sounds like a player), that he was good looking and had money (which is probably how he got women so easily)?

Sorry, but I just don't see the big deal here. If he was so wonderful and you got along so marvelously, he'd have been with you instead of been stringing you along. I don't see whats so great about a guy using his looks and money to screw around and then trying to make himself look honourable. It's so typical of good looking men to get cocky that it turns me off.

You'll get through and find someone decent who cares about YOU.

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A female reader, KatherineJames  United Kingdom +, writes (28 August 2011):

hello, i have to say your post touched me. im in a similar situation which i won't bore you by going into! Im at present in the cold turkey stage trying not to contact him after being psycho bitch from hell. my friends tell me i can do so much better as im sure your friends do too. i know how hard it is not to contact him. Im constantly looking at my phone to see if he has text me im! but Im

on day five now and trying to be realistic. i lost my dignity with my tantrums and i don't want to be the pers on that he looks at his phone and thinks god her AGAIN!!! will she ever get the message?! my friend told me if you are hungry you want to eat if you are full up it just makes you feel sick and said that's how he maybe feels about me now. i know its hard (believe me i know) but sometimes you just have to walk away and try to move on no matter how much it hurts. you will be ok and one day you'll wonder why you ever cared !!! sending you hugs x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011):

Sounds like a shallow user to me, and full of ego and self importance at that!

If this stunning new girlfriend of his wasn't so pretty and rich would he still want her? I'm guessing no!

You have yourself a lucky escape, take it!

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (28 August 2011):

Abella agony auntHe cannot possibly be perfect as he failed to see the true depth of who you are. If he had put more effort into knowing you as well as you know yourself he would have been wowed by your passion you really do feel for him and energy and your spirit you would have brought to the relationship.

He has done you a favor if he cannot see all the good qualities you have and has not yet discerned all there is to the true you.

Another man with more character, and a one woman guy at that, who has more passion and depth, will come along and that new guy will recognise all that is lovely about you. Then you will give thanks for the fact that this guy who has just left, did leave and did move on.

Sad as it is this horrible time in your life will pass and something better will replace this guy who has just moved on to Ms 100,000pa. Money is not everything.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011):

Oh, and stay off his and her Facebook because it will just make you feel worse. He'll dump her when he gets bored.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011):

Forget him. He still wanted to see you even though he has a girlfriend? What does that say about him? Who cares if he's good looking or wealthy. He sounds like a total asshole and a user. I guarantee that he's cheating on this "perfect" girlfriend. You can do better and you will. Delete his number and move on.

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A female reader, adamantine Australia +, writes (28 August 2011):

adamantine agony auntHe is not worth the trouble. He was wanting a relationship with this new woman, but still wanted to see you on the side? I'm glad you were not okay with that. But it seems like he may not be in favour of monogamous relationships, so I think you'll need to forget about him if you want to be happy. Don't contact him at all. It will help you move on to find someone worth your time and effort.

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