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female
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PeachesJay
writes: Over 2 yrs ago I left my BF of 13yrs cos I found out he was cheating on me for over 2+yrs. 1yr later my best friend Ruthie (who's married) told me she was seeing another man it's been a year and she's still seeing him, now she's met yet another man who she is now seeing as well (3 in total!). I am having real difficulty keeping a lid on my thoughts with her cos I think she is selfish and manipulative and should end things with her hubby (who she no longer loves) as he could be having a better life and doesn't deserve the crap she's doing. I've kept quiet on this for 1yr now but this new guy is the final straw, I don't want to jepordise my relationship with her but i think i need to tell her how i feel about her behaviour especially as she insists on telling me every detail and expects me to be 'happy for her'. I need some advice as to whether i am doing the right thing and what should i say?
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female
reader, PeachesJay +, writes (23 October 2006):
PeachesJay is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay here's the update - luckily i didn't need to do anything as she finished with the guy in germany a week ago, she had decided the new guy she had met was THE ONE, however that night we were going out for a coffee and behold this 'really great guy' that was meant to be up north looking after his dad who was supposedly in hospital was in the pub opposite our coffee bar - with a mate and 2 girls (they were on a double date). I persuaded her to go and talk to him as quite frankly she was doing my head in wondering what was going on and he told her that he was getting back with his ex - blah, blah, blah. In other words he wasn't interested in her.So now she only has one bloke - her husband - I've decided that if she ever does this again i will tell her that I do not wish to be involved in any aspect out of respect for her husband.
A
female
reader, helpful girl  +, writes (7 October 2006):
 well obvously because you was cheated on you understand why it is wrong and you also know how it feels to be hurt. thats proberly why it is courseing much more of a problem to you. but she should also know if youve been cheated on not to do the same to her husband as she seen the afect it took on you. im sorry to say this but she seems very heartless. maybe explaining to her how you dont want to hear about this any more and she should divorse her husband as you know what it feels like to be cheated on and it is very hurtfull. tell her you dont want to end your freindship but you feel so wrong for knowing what shes doing to her husband and you have to keep quiet about something that just isnt right. i think what your freind want to do is live life free again by the sounds of it she wants to be a youth who isnt tied down to marrage nor children and who can see who she pleases.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (5 October 2006):
 What she is doing is unfair and he husband has a right to know. The problem is you have to decide who you agree with more, as interfering with anyone's business can lead to you losing friends, even if you're doing it for all the right reasons.
I think you need to tell her that she's not being fair on her husband and you no longer want to discuss or even hear about what she is doing behind his back. This way, she starts to think about what she is doing, but it doesn't seem like you're interfering too much.
Once she starts thinking more about it, she'll probably start asking you questions like "do you really think it's that bad, what I'm doing?" you need to tell her "yes, yes it is!" You need to encourage her to move on and make herself and her husband happy.
If she blatantly refuses to do anything about her situation, you have to decide whether or not you can sit around and watch this happen to this poor man. You could always send him an anonymous letter or something underhanded like that, if you have the guts of course!
Good luck
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