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My Friend won't hang out with me now that she has a boyfriend!

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 November 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 November 2010)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So one of my closest friends who I am now roommates with is dating this new guy. Before he came along, we would always hang out and spend time talking, and I have always been there to support her on her career and she's done the same for me. Now she has a bf and she's always with him constantly. It's been 2 weeks and we haven't talked or hung out or done anything that we used to do. I tried talking to her about it, but when I was trying to tell her how we never hang out, it sounded like I was the jealous one (which I'm not, I just want to hang out with my friend again, at least one day out of the week) and she went off and told him our conversation.

She made plans to hang out with me, but then didn't show up or call to let me know that she wasn't going to show up. When I called her and asked where she was at, she said she was with him helping him move stuff. I decided to stay out of her way and let her be with him and hopefully she would actually miss hanging out with me, but obviously not, since it's been two weeks. I smile and act like everything is okay, but it's killing me that she doesn't see how she's treating me. What do ypu think I should do?

I want to leave a quote on my twitter or facebook somehow to show her that she's leaving me on the side and how this friendship is going down, but I can't think of what to say without it sounding like it's directly towards her or like I'm majorly depressed with problems...

Any suggestions?

View related questions: depressed, facebook, has a boyfriend, jealous, roommate, she has a boyfriend

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A female reader, IDoWhatIWant Sweden +, writes (10 November 2010):

IDoWhatIWant agony auntI've been through it, too. If you want contact with your friend, confront her. Ask her to spend more time with you, and why she is so occupied with her new boyfriend. Don't send her messages or anything like, you need to talk. Even if it hurts. You need to really tell her how you feel, she will listen since she's your best friend. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010):

Shes in the early stages of a relationship and its pretty common for people to become completely wrapped around each other for the first few weeks or even a couple of months.

But don't worry about losing your friend. Eventually things should settle into a pattern for them both and it will be then that she realises that she's missed the company of her friends.

Be happy for her, I know its horrible to feel like your losing her but shes currently blinded by love! She'll soon come back to Earth and it would be very kind of you to still be there when she does!

In the meantime catch up with other friends-or maybe she can set you up with one of her boyfriends mates! That way you get your friendship back on track as well as a potential date x

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A male reader, PM Canada +, writes (10 November 2010):

PM agony auntPersonally, I think this is pretty normal. When most people enter into a new relationship, they go through a fairly intense honeymoon phase where they are intensely focused on the relationship and don't do much else. In a few weeks, her infatuation may wear off a bit and she may realize that she hasn't hung out with you in a while and call you.

Even if she doesn't, I think you need to put yourself in her shoes. If you were to meet a guy that you really like, wouldn't you want to be able to spend as much time as you'd like with him without your friends telling you that you should spend time with them instead? I think so.

Give it some time and play things by ear. I think it's too early yet to know what will happen with your friendship with her.

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A female reader, natmarie United Kingdom +, writes (10 November 2010):

natmarie agony auntShe;s no friend of yours. Don;t take her back when she needs you again - which she surely will when it breaks up with her BF. Go out, join classes, find new freinds.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010):

Sweetie~I know you're hurt by your friends behavior..and..I also believe that you should not use Facebook as an avenue the primary avenue with which you address the issue. Friendship merits greater respect. Verbalize your thoughts of this matter directly to your friend. This is a serious issue for you. Facebook comment is not what's warranted here.

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