A
female
age
18-21,
*mb
writes:I was wondering if i could get your opinions about a situation a friend is in, who asked me my opinion.My 27yr old colleague/friend G, who moved to Spain a month after i did, his dad youngest brother and step mum were already living here for 2 years. Just before he moved out here he found out his fiance of 5yrs had been cheating on him - i don't know whether it was a one nighter or a full blown relationship, although from what i have heard it was the latter - so he left her and moved here. Over the xmas period they got back together over the phone. They haven't seen eachother since he moved here. She is now moving here permanently.G took a while to admit that they were back together, he offered to play tour guide for me for a weekend end, as he knows the area a lot better than i do, i meant a night out but he said he'll take me out the whole weekend. I responded with, i'm not sure you're girlfriend would like that - as id heard from my dad and a few others that they were back together - he automatically denied having a girlfriend. I shrugged it off. Then a few days later talking within a group of people, it came out that he and B are back together ect.He has been asking people if he's doing the right thing. Obviously none of us can really answer that, we can only give our opinion. He has said on many occassion that he's not sure if he wants to be with her, she hurt him so much ect.He has asked me my opinion on the whole thing, as my fiancee of 4 years cheated on me and i took him back. Which was a mistake...he never stopped cheating so i left. Anyway, i've said to him in the past, if you can trust her again then go for it. The only person that will know its right is you. He changed the subject rather rapidly.He has again asked me if i think he is doing the right thing. I personally don't think he is. They were together 5 years and she cheated, so she isn't good enough for him. They haven't seen eachother since november, how can he be sure that having not seen her that he still feels the same way as he did before, yet alone trust her! From what i learned from my ex and others that have cheated or been cheated on...cheaters never change! He will probably scrutinise her every move/relationship with a male and her trips back to england without him to see 'friends'. I don't know how to tell him all of this without it sounding like i want to be with him, as friends of ours, including both our dads, have joked about us fancying eachother - as far as i'm aware that is not the case.Also i don't know whether i should ask him the followingIf i'm out on a girls night and she is with us and i see her doing something she shouldn't with another man, does he want me to tell himI know it's his life and his decision, but surely if he is asking people their opinions as well as saying that he isn't sure he's doing the right thing then surely he shouldn't be doing it?? The way i see it, and his other friends, if you're not 100% about it and her than you shouldn't go ahead with it.Ultimately i want him to be happy like any friend wants for another, but i don't think he will be and he doesn't seem to be happy at the thought of her moving here.Does this sound like a reasonable response?I'm at a loss with what to do. I don't want him to think i fancy him, I don't want him to make a mistake have her move here and feel trapped if he decides it can't work. I know i can't make the decision for him but is there anything i can say or do to help him??Sorry this is really long
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cheated on me, fiance, got back together, moved out, my ex, period, trapped Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, dumb_smart92  +, writes (31 January 2009):
I think that you are absolutely right and you need to tell him that it wasnt right for him to take her back. If he doesnt feel comfortable of trusting her then why should he take her back. It wasnt him that cheated it was her. SO if she had the balls to cheat once..what makes him think that she wont cheat again. What makes him think that when he moved to Spain that the girl didnt continue but something went bad and she wants to be with him because that was the only man that reated her right. Also it doesnt matter if people will think that you are "fancying" him because both you and him know where you stand him the friendship.
A
female
reader, Emajayne  +, writes (31 January 2009):
 You can tell him to just see her first. None of this moving over perminantly before he's even seen her again. You are completely right with the whole seeing a person for the first time after a major blow up and feeling strangely about them forever onwards.
Once a cheater always a cheater. I think you should talk to him about this and tell him how u felt about taking ur fiance back and how it didnt work. Don't express ur feelings in a negative light. Do it more using a nice and loving tone. Smile and rub his shoulder etc etc. I think once he see's her again he will feel differently. Its always strange seeing a person that u loved once in a totaly different light after so many years. He can either fall head over heals for her again or he can just shrug it off. I agree with u in everything uve said. The only person who can make him see the light is himself. You have to let him do that.
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