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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend has a very outgoing and flirty personality. So when other girls are flriting with him he first of all doesn't see it, and second of all flirts back because he is just being nice. How do I get over my jealousy when he is flirting with these other girls?
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female
reader, xxbrittanyxx  +, writes (3 July 2008):
ok if your boyfriend is a flirt you need to tell him how you feel first off.you need to tell him im really not comfortable with you flirting right in front of my face.it's kind of disrepectful to me.Now if your mans not really flirting and he's just hugging girls don't confront him about some small stuff.Make sure you knowhe was flirting back with the girl also,because if he wasn't he's gonna think you were an over protective gf.
If your boyfriend doesnt repond to how you feel after you told him that you didnt like him flirting so much and you love him then give him a taste of his own medicine.flirt with another boy right in front of him just like he does with other girls.this isn't some type of game.it's just letting him know how you feel.Dont do it to much either or you and him might start argueing which is not the key.after you made him realize how you felt then he'll most likely come talk to you about flirting with the guyyou were flirting with but stay strong and dont say i don't know what your talkin about because first you'll be lieing and second you'll be playin a game with his feelings and your's.so just tell him how you were feeling and that you didn't know what else to do.Then after that has been said let him know that your not sure if the relationship can go on any longer if he is gonna keep hurtin you like that.let him know that he may not see how much it is hurting you but it really is,alot.or whatever you want to say.just be real and speak from your heart.youmight want to end this conversation with him, with a kiss so that he'll know that everything is back to normal and that you still love him...blahblahblah.excexcexc.
GOOD LUCK BYE!!!make it work.know whats wrong and whats right in you r every action threw this process.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): I hate when my boyfriend does that. Sometimes, i think he thinks that i'm okay with him non-stop talking to my friends and flirting with them constantly (like in a touchy, making fun of, immature way) because they are my friends. He doesn't even realize that I'm wanting him to stop and pay more attention to me and not my friends. I mean, if I'm your girlfriend, aren't I more important to talk to and make happy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): yea mine too. like one time, we were at this one hotel party & that was like the first time we met this girl & we were all drinkin & shit. next thing i kno, she's grindin her ass all over him. i didnt say shyt about it bcus i thought that people r jus havin fun, instead, i went to dance wit this one guy too. lol. but yea, after that, i kinda found out that he & this girl are talking on myspace. i dont even talk to the girl even tho she added me on myspace too. but yea, is he bein flirtatious or just bein friendly or what?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): all of you have gr8 advice but it's really hard to get over the jealousy.But thanx the advice really helped me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): I have a bf and every girl likes him, but he promised me he wouldn't hug these girls any more. But he did so I am giving him one more chance. But he's such a flirt with every girl, what do I do? Please help. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Lol
im the same
im boyfriend gets all mad about because im just an outgoing flirty preson i cant help
do you want your boyfriend too stop talking too people?
No so just get over i guess
he dousnt mean anything by it?
After all he is with you ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): I have the same problem with my boyfriend. There is a girl he ALWAYS flirts with, and has not shown any consideration for my feelings. We have been dating for 10 months, and this began 6 months ago. It would even be one thing if he had known this girl before me, but he didn't meet her until then, and the problems just began then.
I think it's very disrespectful of him to do so, especially when he knows how much it hurts me, but it's gone this long, and I've come to the realization that I'm not going to be able to change him. Instead I need to focus on what it is I can do to make it tolerable for me.
My youth leader and I were talking about this problem, and he said that guys need to realize that woman need to feel special, and when men are flirting with other girls, that it doesn't make their girl feel special.
But he also told me to remember that there is a reason why he is with ME and not HER. Sure, in some cases the guy turns out to be the biggest jerk. But that's a whole other situation. He said I need to remember that everything will be okay. I also need to remember that God designed a guy out there exactly for me, and will be encouraging and uplifting. And that day will come one day.
But for now, we as woman need to remember that there is a reason why that guy is with US and not someone else. We need to remind ourselves that we're beautiful, be encouraging and positive around the guy, and focus on the good things of the relationship and forget the bad. Because a relationship will last easier through positiveness.
HOWEVER; if it is too difficult to deal with, just break it off. Don't keep telling yourself things will change. Every person has faults; you just have to find the faults that you can learn to live with, and if you can't live with it, you need to realize that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): seriously, i used to get sooo super jealous whenever my ex-boyfriend would flirt with other girls. it made me feel like he wanted them more than me.i got jealous and pouty and THATS the reason he's my EXboyfriend. seriously girls, if he's with you, theres a reason. and im not saying there arent some guys out there who cheat, but if youve picked out a good guy who happens to be naturally flirtatious, DONT WORRY ABOUT IT. youre only going to end up pushing him away.so have fun, be confident, flirt with guys, but dont whine and complain that theyre getting more attention than you. its only going to come off as annoying and needy - two things MOST men hate.believe me too, it works. now my new boyfriend was just as flirtatious when we started dating, but we've been dating now for a year and a half and seriously, it just stopped. once he said he loved me, he showed it. he told me he didnt need to flirt with anyone else because he had ME.so just be confident and do the same thing he does! guys LOVE confident, happy women.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I am in a long term relationship, and am constantly accused of flirting with women. If I speak to a woman, then I am flirting. It seems that every look, movement, word out of my mouth is considered an act of flirtation by my gf. There is a point where it seems that women exaggerate what they see, based on their insecurities. It is not my duty to MAKE my girlfriends feel secure. Our relationship is strong. I let her know that she is the only woman for me, the only one I love and the only one I will ever come home to.
It seems as though I am in a no win situation. No matter how stand-offish I behave to other women-In and out of my girlfriends company- I am always the asshole, I am always the flirt. I am not her master-- she can talk to whomever she wishes, and i have full confidence that she will be by my side, always leave with me. That doesn't mean that she can go flirt, but I know her intentions, as she knows mine. She freely talks to guys and has instant friendships with them, but the moment I start to have a conversation with a woman, she is tugging me away and giving the girl a "get off my boyfriend" look. I curbed my flirting long ago. Sometimes it isn't your man. Sometimes it is you. Not all men just flirt with women continuously, or are insecure and need to pump their ego. If you have a respectful relationship, then communication and understanding should work both ways. Double standards and controlling behaviors are both immature and a huge turn off.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): If he has invested enough in your relationship he will adapt his behaviour to please you. If he will not do that I would say he must be getting more pay-off in exchange for being charming to other girls. Plus he is making you jealous, which may be a reason for doing it too. He is saying "Watch out and be good, as you can see I am always aware of alternatives to you even though I am happy with you. You should be grateful to have me". It would make me constantly jittery and unable to relax as it does you, which is not a blessing that he has bestowed on your relationship. He enjoys the attention he gets from these girls more that he would enjoy your gratitude at having him listen to you and value your feelings.... it seemsMy partner gives my best girl freinds a big bear hug and makes them feel good about themselves. I don't feel bad because I know he does it for me as well as them; he knows I like them to like him and for them to feel valued as our joint frineds. If he started flirting with people who don't matter, or who are transient in our life I would wonder why he was wasting the effort. You could do the same and I also think you should give him a taste of his own medicine. Wear some sexy stuff, start chatting to other men to make them feel good. It would do you good too.If he cares about humanity does he give time and money to charitable work? I suspect not. That is caring for humanity? His behaviour is self-centred and shallow, simply flexing a charm muscle. Up to you to decide whether you can stick it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008): i think that if you are happy in your relationship, you need to flirt with other women. i also think it is a childish immature act as the woman below me posted.flirting is more a plead for attention and is often the calling card for a very insecure guy. think about it, if he was really mature, would he be willing to risk the love of someone in order to get the attention of female friends/co-workers/party goers.do not play games with him. know you can do better. believe it or not, there is this whole weak male ego thing where weak men compete with women and try to bring them down because they are so sad or depressed or cannot achieve whatever they want in life.find a secure man. don't play games with this loser.
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female
reader, Blooregard +, writes (8 January 2008):
My advice would to be treat him like a child, don't take it seriously. A belittling attitude will put him off it, the next time he flirts with some girl, roll your eyes and laugh or smile mockingly (not a huge cackle, he may think you've lost your mind!).
Complaining about how he acted with a girl, will make it seem more serious, if you just sit back and openly marvel at his immaturity, it will backfire for him horribly and he will look like the biggest fool in the room. This will set his defenses up. He flirts to excercise his masculinity and when you laugh at him everytime he tries to do that, trust me on this, he will stop and realise that if he is that insecure YOU KNOW IT.
That and, if anyone openly flirts with you in front of him, guilt trip him like crazy by not responding to their flirtation. I don't care how nice looking the guy is, show you are better than him and that you are far more grown up.
If he says "that guy was all over you" say "My confidence doesn't need any more inflating" that will be the final nail in the coffin of his behavior, and all will be well again!
Very best of luck, you can do it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Dont worry i have the same problem with my boyfriend. Before i asked him out he had quite a bit of girls that would always flirt with him. And one of my best guy friends told me that he had a girlfriend but that still didnt stop me. When i asked him out he looked relieved!!!! But when i go to school in the mornings and i look at him he doesnt even ackknowledge me at all and hes always with a bunch of girls that always flirt with him. He also always flirts with girls rite in front of me and i dont know what to do? I cant help but to be jealous. I dont want him to think that im too clingy. I mean i like him allot and weve only been dating for a couple of days. Hes just got these big brown eyes that make you smile whenever you look at him. Im white tho and hes indian and i no well at least i think i no that he doesnt want to hurt me. I dont know how to tell him that i dont like him flirting with other girls. Its kinda just wants to make me cry!!!!
But i think that if you wanna no if the guy really likes you go up to him and talk to him. Heres a technique that i learned how to do on a guy when he asks you a question (but you only have five seconds to do it) stare into the black part of his eyes. (the last 2 seconds) answer his question. If he liike you he will stutter with his words. Or he will have sweaty hands. That is how you will know. I hope it works for you as it worked for me a quite a few times.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): I know exactly what your talking about. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and it has been great. We have the perfect relationship, except for this other girl problem. He is so flirtatious naturally, and I definitely am not. So he doesn't know what it feels like to watch someone you love flirt with other people. I would first suggest talking to him. Tell him exactly what hurts you and give him examples. If he really cares about you he will fix it right away. I would also just ask him if he likes being around you more than other girls. If he says yes, tell him that it doesn't seem like it and that he needs to change that. That you deserve better. I hope this helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): I completely understand. My boyfriend is the same way and I hated it at first but then i realized i was probably over exagerate what I see. I'm not sure about you, but i know i flirt with other guys, not meaning too. And my boyfriend cant even notice his flirting. Well, if you like him enough, just dont pay attention, because in the long run, its going to happen, and unless he starts telling other girls their hot or something, I don't think you have much to worry about. Good Luck!
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male
reader, look +, writes (23 October 2007):
EVERY GIRL ON THIS SITE:
What are you looking for?
Do you still look at every girl and guy (also known as persons)
Simple asnwer is no. You don't even notice average looking girls or average looking guys for that matter. I think that you have focused on only girls, for that matter only attractive girls. You probably don't even see guys you probably only look for girls.
I think that if you are spending more time worrieng about your man than you did worrying about other girls this problem would dissapeer. I promice the girl that is trying to take your man isn't looking at you.
That's right. When you got your man the only thing you were thining about was how much you wanted him.....Well if that's how you got him why don't you think that's how you will keep him?
That's exactly how you keep him.
Men don't want jeolous women. They don't want WIINIE women. They just want their own women. Their own confident cocky sexy viberent woman. And you are that. You only started Wyyyning when you had him. Trust me you were happier when you first had him. And that's what made him choose you. So what makes you think that that's not what he's looking for not?
Just do that. Be sexy, selfish, and yourself. Quit changing. Do what you would do if you were the woman you THINK he is looking at. TRUST ME HE IS STILL LOOKING (BUT NOW HE'S LOOKIG AT YOU). he cant help it.
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male
reader, look +, writes (23 October 2007):
EVERY GIRL ON THIS SITE:
What are you looking for?
Do you still look at every girl and guy (also known as persons)
Simple asnwer is no. You don't even notice average looking girls or average looking guys for that matter. I think that you have focused on only girls, for that matter only attractive girls. You probably don't even see guys you probably only look for girls.
I think that if you are spending more time worrieng about your man than you did worrying about other girls this problem would dissapeer. I promice the girl that is trying to take your man isn't looking at you.
That's right. When you got your man the only thing you were thining about was how much you wanted him.....Well if that's how you got him why don't you think that's how you will keep him?
That's exactly how you keep him.
Men don't want jeolous women. They don't want WIINIE women. They just want their own women. Their own confident cocky sexy viberent woman. And you are that. You only started Wyyyning when you had him. Trust me you were happier when you first had him. And that's what made him choose you. So what makes you think that that's not what he's looking for not?
Just do that. Be sexy, selfish, and yourself. Quit changing. Do what you would do if you were the woman you THINK he is looking at. TRUST ME HE IS STILL LOOKING (BUT NOW HE'S LOOKIG AT YOU). he cant help it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): My boyfriend flirts with loads of other girls. Before I started going out with him this girl was into him A lot, and now that I go out with him she still flirts with him A lot and he flirts back and it makes me feel sad. I know I'm just jealous but I don't know what to do because I don't even know how to flirt..but when he's with me and he just goes and squeezes another girls arse I hate it. and people come up to me and say 'I saw your boyfriend touching another girl earlier' and I've told him how I feel and he says 'its harmless' but it hurts me..it is harming me..but he says he's not going to stop, but i love him so much I don't want to break up with him..I just want him to stop..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): Ladies -- all of you, including the one who posted --
I have found that my sensitivity to my boyfriend's flirting -- and my worries about his ex-girlfriends hanging around, the girls he calls his friends, etc -- has gone up a lot as we have dated longer. This leads me to think two things: 1) as I grow more attached and fond of him, I know I'd lose more if he were to leave me, and thus really, this is all in my head -- and 2) as our relationship grows and changes, from being a flirtatious, fiery fling that satisfied all his flirting needs to a solid, caring, mutually respectful relationship, his innate need for a little mixing it up has resurfaced. So, it's part reality, and part invented.
That realization has helped me take a step back and think: what is actually going on in this situation? His coworker just flirtatiously batted him in the arm, and he smiled back. What would I have done in that situation? It's helped me to understand that his love for me is different and deeper than his flirtation with other women.
It also helped me express my worries to him. I asked him, for example, "objectively, did you think you were flirting back there?" and he was able to think about in in a way that was removed from my feelings. We talked about what behaviors look suspicious to me, and what look suspicious to others. We have been able to find a compromise that doesn't limit his ability to talk with women and be friendly -- the subjectively hurtful stuff, which I am able to overcome now -- but prevents him from behaving in a way that is outrageous.
The one thing I'm hearing over and over in these comments, however, is women expressing their needs and their men getting defensive and accusatory. That is, to me, a sign mostly of bad communication. Women, how are you expressing your needs? Are you doing it in a nonviolent, non-accusatory way? If so, if your men won't hear you talk about your feelings, you've got a different problem in your relationship -- and it's not about the other women.
Good luck to all.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): What's wrong with a bit of flirting. It's not flirting to pull. As a man, it's nice to get some attention some times - but it doesn't mean you are h=goingto do anything about it! Why do women always think you are trying to pull someone else when you are talking to them. Maybe i am intersted in what they have to say - doesn't mean i want to jump into bed with them! I love you - remembre that! If you are jealous, don't get angry - that's just annoying - play him at his own game and talk to another guy(although he's not really playing any games - just being sociable & friendly!). Of course, there are always boundaries, one should never cross. But it annoys me that if you are sociable, you get penalised. Am i gay if i talk to another man?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): It's wrong because some guys think it's okay to hang out at bars with all different random girls drinking whether it be friends or new girls. It's weird because if I did that guys would be crawling all over me just trying to get with me. It could never work bc "one thing leads to another" if you are alive. My guy thinks it's ok for us to hang out with other people at bars and he thinks flirting is okay. He's a fool bc I'm leaving him. Who trusts that ? Hey if I'm out with other guys that I'm attratcted to and getting drunk with regularly, then I'm dating other people. It's stupid, they should just be true to the one they love and show some committment.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): It's wrong because some guys think it's okay to hang out at bars with all different random girls drinking whether it be friends or new girls. It's weird because if I did that guys would be crawling all over me just trying to get with me. It could never work bc "one thing leads to another" if you are alive. My guy thinks it's ok for us to hang out with other people at bars and he thinks flirting is okay. He's a fool bc I'm leaving him. Who trusts that ? Hey if I'm out with other guys that I'm attratcted to and getting drunk with regularly, then I'm dating other people. It's stupid, they should just be true to they one you love and show some committment.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): I think you should talk to him about it first. My boyfriend does this. It is definitely his personality and I don't think he notices when he flirts. But I can tell the girls he's flirting with totally wants him! I tried to conceal my feelings because he called me jealous and said most of his past girlfriends got super jealous too and I didn't want to be like them. But I realized its for a reason!! We can't all be stupid. I'm going to tell him my real feelings now and if he can't modify his behavior to respect my feelings, then he's not worth it. I will have to move on. I would suggest you do the same.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): ok i dont agree with the staring into eyes/kissing them or anything! i dont mind my boyf talking to other girls as long as its just chat!
however one night this girl that fancies him was talking to him and next thing she was pushing him and he pushed her back! i was sitn with his and my friends and i was like ok its not really that im insecure its more the fact of a humiliation! how dare he disrespect me like that!? He said they were just messing and he's known her for yrs that she's like his lil sister (she 19 and he 23) but its just cos i know shes after him that the playfulness bothered me!
I left and went home with my friends (it was the end of the night anyway). He'll think twice next time! seriously you dont have to take shit from men - ok maybe i was a bit harsh.. but you need to lay down the boundaries! now he knows if hes flirting that touchyness is inappropriate
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female
reader, [email address blocked] +, writes (18 July 2007):
I am going through the same thing. I feel if a man cannot respect your wishes,after you told him how much his flirtatious ways bothers you, than it is time to let him go. I know men flirt, that is part of their nature, but when it is done to humilate the girl they are in a relationship with, than that is plain disrespectful. I went away with my man on a trip, and the things he said to this older women just blew me away, the touchy feely, i was just very disqusted. He got mad at me because I was upset, I love myself too much to compromise my happiness and i know i will find someone who will appreciate me. He needs someone who can handle his behavior, and i just can do it anymore. When we i got back home i ended it with him. Now when he flirts it wont be my problem anymore. Ladies men only do what you allow them to do. Always remember that! It makes no sense to go out with a man who would rather cherish a friendship with a stranger than his own girl, than is just plan crazy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): You have to understand that these men are not right in the head. Who knows why they act this way. The point is that they should not do it because they have a gf, you. If it bothers you and they know this, then they should stop it. If not, say bi bi.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): Hello there. The same problem caused me to break up with my bf (now my ex bf). I knew him as a friend for a few months and I really liked him enough to get into the relationship. After we got together, I noticed that he makes jokes a lot and flirts with girls around him all the time. Girls were calling him when I was there. And when we went out, he acted like I was not his girlfriend.
One day, with a gathering at his friend's house, I saw the same problem. When we got home I had a real serious talk with him. He said he understood and he wouldn't do it again, but he did it again. He acted as though I never even had the talk with him. So, I went home and emailed him (this was the easiest and best way it seemed) that even though he is fun to be with at times, I can't take the disrespect that he had been giving to me. I told him that it is not working out and that he should not call me anymore. And that was that.
Girls, if this is bothering you, just break it off. Don't wait for them to change. YOu can't change them. They want to flirt, let them, but without you there!!! Break it off early b4 you feel like you have given too much to the relationship. Find someone who will respect you the same way you will respect him, or even more. After all, we are the ones who give birth to their babies. That is not an easy! There are many wonderful men out there. So just end it with the little boy you have now, because seriously, that is middle school stuff.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): i have a boyfriend too, he is quite a flirt, i hate it. but i love him alot, and i know for sure he wouldn't like me flirting with any other men. ugh guys can be jerks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007): Oh THAT old chestnut *yawn* - men who flirt infront of their partners are disrespectful, and they will ALWAYS have an excuse (it's harmless, it doesn't mean anything, I just love women..etc), but it does mean something if it upsets your partner. If I flirted and my man was upset by it, I'd involve him more, maybe 'flirt' (be friendly) but make sure my arm was round him,you get the picture.My man is as flirty as you like, and I hate it, cos he's not doing it with me. It's partly insecurity I admit that, but flirt with me more for gods sake!! It makes me feel unimportant, like Im not worth flirting with, like the fire has gone out so he needs somebody else to give him a buzz. If I ask him about it (and I never shout or accuse) all i get is shouted at and "you're jealous". Thing is, not that I'm into head-games, but it wouldn't bother him at all if I was like it with other men. I dont know if I can cope with it any more. He's the best man I've ever had and I dont want to give him up, but it makes me angry and unhappy, and doesn't exactly make me feel sexy!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): I'm sorry to have to say this, but most of you sound like wimpy insecure women. Do you really want your guy to act differently than who he really is when he is with you? Geez - that is so phony - you are living a fantasy not reality! If you picked someone who was a good fit for you in the first place you either wouldn't be having any of these petty jealousies and would be confident about yourself in your own right, or you would be ok with it - and not try to take it into any more meaning than is on the surface. It's flirting ladies, not sex! Get a grip!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): well i have the same problem and i think he likes the girls but he just doesnt know how much it bugs me and then i sat him down and told him it was kinda making me jealous and he cut the flirting down a whole lot so just tell him your feelings and if he really likes you and wants you to be his grilfriend he will stop and if he keeps doing it justy tell him agian how you feel and then thet next time tell himit is not going to work between you to if he does not cut the flirting down and if he doesnt stop just end it there are plenty of fish in the sea i am sure another guy will respect that you get jealous ok best of luck to biie!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): I had a boyfriend who would focus on any woman that he found interesting at a party .. he would ignore me, even pretend I did not exist, he would spend the entire party talking to her and giving her attention and showing how well he listened and understood her.. I would agonize. Some friends told me that he was only doing it to get adulation and in order to do that he needed to give it too, because he was very insecure .. and as a result I became insecure when I went anywhere with him .. and wondered why I was there in the first place and was very embarrassed about it.
I told him how I felt. He had been treated like that by an ex-girlfriend of his own and so he understood but told me I had nothing to worry about and that I was just jealous and continued to exclude me as a person from his conversations with others even when there were only 3 of us. On occasion some guys would flirt with me and I would respond with only politeness but it would make him very angry.
Bottom line .. anyone as insecure as he was.. so insecure that his ego came first by a country mile than how I was made to feel .. is way .. way too insecure to be in a relationship. We split up and I do not flirt when I am with a boyfriend or even a date .. and I will not be with someone who does not understand that there is being charming and polite and even complimentary is fine but real flirtation is just not acceptable when your mate is there ... (or hopefully when they are not) ...
I know a lot of this is common place .. but that is just a degenerative behaviour... it's not kind to your mate and you will both pay for it in the end.
Dating is about showing how well you will treat each other, and marriage is about even more of the same ... when did it become a competition?
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female
reader, fairlady +, writes (7 March 2007):
My man is a very friendly person who is good to me in so many ways. He is just naturally curious about others. It bothers me that he stares at other women so much. I tell him staring is not considered politically correct. (To me, it seems like if someone has enough of a life of their own they are not so overly interested in strangers). I am afraid to develop friendships with women because he bends over backwards to be so nice to them and they start thinking he isn't happy with me and would rather be with them. This causes my relationships with women to end. So I feel like I have to make a choice...staying with him.....or having friendships with women. (He is very generous financially and makes my life easy and enjoyable in this way). So for the last seven years, I have chosen to be with him for the benefits and just try to live with the way he is. Recently I was friendly with a woman who works at my favorite grocery store until he started being even friendlier with her. Now she thinks he is after her. I stopped shopping there for the last few months but when we went there together today, he was friendlier than ever to her! She got all flushed at the overly friendly attention he gave her and was very aware of his interest in her. I have decided I will not shop there anymore with him. If I want to shop there, I will do it by myself. When we were on a cruise recently, there were two older widows at our table. They developed friendships with me but when we dined for the last time together, he kissed one of them goodby. The other men at our table gave me a hug at the most. He says he doesn't kiss women but he is wrong. A good friend of my mother's was surprised that he kissed her on the lips when he met her for the first (and only) time. He was a widower when I met him seven years ago. He married me shortly after we met because another man was interested in me. We had to get a divorce in less than a year because his two adult daughters resented his marrying someone their own age and spending the family inheritance they were supposed to get. He said his late wife was always mad at him when they went out with other people. So he stopped wanting to socialize if he was always being criticized. She had been a prize when he married her in the late 1940s but she gained a lot of weight due to illness over the years.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): at first i thought my bf didnt notice he was always flirting, including right in front of my face. i talked to him about how insecure i am about it, however a while after, he started talking to (and touching, and paying more attention to) a few certain girls i'd told him about specifically. it hurts a lot because it seems like now he knows how he acts and he simply doesnt care. i love him so much but i dont know how to get over it because it really hurts.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006): My boyfriend flirts like crazy to I just have to remember he's going home with me. Besides it helps his ego. I tell him I don't flirt because I am very sure of myself.
Kelly
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): Sorry dont know how to answer that, because l have the same problem.........and lm so jealous that its going to destroy my relationship, but hes not helping!!!
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female
reader, Dyahmond1 +, writes (27 July 2006):
Men who flirt do so out of need. It feeds their ego/sense of self esteem. If you have the flexibility for tolerating this, then it is fine.
However, there is something called 'respect.' And it should be a non-negotiable requirement on your part, for yourself. Tell him that you understand that a man in a relationship may look at other women, and you are fine with that part. But, you consider it disrespectful for a man to flirt--and do so openly--in front of you. Or to even flirt with someone, when he is alone, to the point that he is essentially playing with fire.
As for his statement that he does not notice the other women flirting with him. How can he then say he "flirts back to be nice?" Hhmmm? And as for nice, exactly how is he obligated to be "nice" to someone else, when it amounts to being unkind and rude to you--his girlfriend?
Deliver your message and point with confidence and poise. Practice it first, if you need to do so. Pay attention to his feedback, and your feelings about it. If he is dismissive, excuses it, rationalizes it, or accuses you of being "insecure/nag/etc., it may be wisest for you to dismiss him as well. But if so--do it with style and class.
I always like to encourage women... Know your value. And do not trade in or down on it. Some guy out there will be able to see, appreciate, and respect your value. But that is IF--and only IF--you yourself never forget it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): my boyfriend is doing the same exact thing. i HATE IT. except, it's not just limited to him flirting with other girls. some of my friends flirt with him too. usually i just try to look away, but some of my other friends talk to him and all these random girls message him and talk to him and his friends that are girls he gets flirty with a LOT.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006): maybe if you start flirting with other boys he might see how you feel or you can have a chat to him about it and tell him how you feel he will understand if he really loves you!!!!xxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006): hey sweetheart hes not just flirting i think hes trying to cheat on you so if he is being suspicious if you see phone numbers from other girls or him talking on the phone with other girls the way he talks to you that means he is very unfaithful because trust is a very important thing in a relationship.
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female
reader, Sirena |
