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My boyfriend is such a flirt with other girls!

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Question - (17 December 2004) 179 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2012)
A , anonymous writes:

My boyfriend has a very outgoing and flirty personality. So when other girls are flriting with him he first of all doesn't see it, and second of all flirts back because he is just being nice. How do I get over my jealousy when he is flirting with these other girls?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012):

I had the same problem. He flirted with this chick right in front of me, giggling, tickling, touching her hands because they 'were cold and needed warming up.' He can touch her hands all he likes now coz I dumped him 3 days later. Its disrespectful and no one should have to put up with it, I don't care how innocent they claim it is. It hurts the one they are with and it doesn't cost them anything to stop. Drop em.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2012):

Im having sorta the same problem. Like my ex, we dated for 9 months, off and on, and just this past month, we broke up and he's trying to date/flirt with this girl I really dont like at all. He told me yesterday that he wanted me back, that he loved, and missed me. Well, come to figure out by my best friend, on Facebook, I seen comments on a status, and he played me out, with the words he said to me.. But beside the point, if your boyfriend is flirting with other girls, I would sit down and talk to him about it, in a nice way. And try to get him to understand your point of view of things hes doing, thats probably hring you, right? And if he doesnt stop, it might be hard but, id try to get over him. I hope my problem helped you, and my answer for yours. :)

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A female reader, chorty Canada +, writes (12 May 2012):

i dont think you should "get over it", if you dont feel respected you should tell him that, and if you cant deal with it, then maybe you guys arent meant to work out. He needs a girl who will be okay with it, hell maybe he needs a girl whoi sleps around so hell even feel an ounce of what he does to her. basically if you have good communication you should be able to deal with this issue. my bf was the biggest flirt when i met him, but after we were official he still did it!! i am still bitter at the fact that he has flirted with all these girls in my back and right in front of me, whereas at first i actually trusted him and he could go anywhere n do whatever with any girl friend he had, now i dont, and he does everything he can to prove to me that hes no longer a flirt but i still have this part of me that s gone, so you should tell him n try to deal with it as soon as possible b4 its too late n u completely dont trust him or fall out of love with him, or worse, start blaming yourself or thinking your just not good enough. when i found texts that he sent to other girls saying how beautiful she was, as in "it was nice to see you last night you looked beautiful" and again "grrr beautiful as always" my heart was broken and it still is when i think about it. we argued alot and almost broke up over this same girl that he kept insisting was just a friend yet he kept telling her how beautiful he was and how much he missed her etc, even though they didnt even hang out that much. she also had abf but that never stopped him from flirting. point is guys who flirt when they have a gf just dont know the pain they cause, cuz if they really did, i doubt they would ever do it. and if they do it, its a straight up disrespect to you and hes being selfish. he has since deleted her completely and anyone she is associated with, wont even look at other girls, talks about having kids n marriage one day n present me to everyone he knows, doesnt hide anyhting, and wont ever go out with some girl i dont know if i am not there. he got his act together cuz he was losing me slowly from me just being in pain. thats a man.

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A female reader, Bieberfever32 United States +, writes (15 July 2011):

Well firstly i think u should remember that he's a guy and guys are always flirting with girls ! It's a guys human nature. But i also think i should also get a little more flirty and maybe he'll realize how it feels when there's another person flirting with your loved one,and that your his girl and deserves to have u ....but again that's just me:)

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A female reader, Bieberfever32 United States +, writes (15 July 2011):

Well firstly i think u should remember that he's a guy and guys are always flirting with girls ! It's a guys human nature. But i also think i should also get a little more flirty and maybe he'll realize how it feels when there's another person flirting with your loved one,and that your his girl and deserves to have u ....but again that's just me:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011):

All i did is i talked to my boyfriend first that i feel jelous of what he is doing, then if he'll say yes that he will stop it then give him a time to prove that, but if he continue it, go and comfront the girl that he's flirting with like 'hey i dont like those flirty things between you and my boy, your a woman, maybe there is something in you that would understand what im saying, do you want your boyfriend flirting with other?' so that they might realize what theyr doing and stop it, but if they didnt, dump him., it is up to your b0y, if he really loves you he will not or never try to flirt with others it is because he is contented having you, but if he didnt, there is a two reason, he is looking for more attention or sick of being sticked w/ you all the time or he is not contented of you and he wants m0re than what you have

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011):

My ex-boyfriend used to flirt with any girl that would talk to him. He wasn't that cute so at first I didn't see it as being a big deal but after a while it got pretty irritating. At one point in our relationship I started to bring my best friend around a lot when me and him hungout and all he did was flirt with her. I never confronted him about it or her because she would flirt back too and not letting it out bit me in the ass instead. I started feeling extremely insecure and jealous. So much that I controlled everything he did. He finally got tired of it and ended everything. I was miserable for the longest time. I wish I would have known that telling your partner how you feel especially when it comes to jealousy issues, is better than saying nothing at all. Not all relationships are perfect. You both have to work out the problems and if you can't work them out then end it. It hurts but it hurts being with someone that doesn't get you and that doesn't make you 100% happy. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011):

Well, when my boyfriend started to flirt with literally all of my close friends, I got really jealous. I talked to my friends about it, but it turned out that he started all of the flirting. So, I decided to treat him how he was treating me. I flirted with all of his close friends and it worked. He got really jealous, but instead of talking to me about it, he just kept on flirting, clearly trying to make me jealous. I shook it off and kept doing what I was doing. We still havent talked about it. I know that this isn't the best solution, but I did it cuz I felt like I had no other option. I also wanted to do something for me for once. My life typically revolved around him, so it felt good to do whatever I wanted without any consequences.

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A female reader, bieber girl Canada +, writes (19 February 2011):

bieber girl agony aunti have the same problem but my bf the one who startes it..he flirts with his ex....just tell ur bf how u feel and if he stilll dosnt stop dump his srry little a$$... and if he truly loves u he will come back 4 ya

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011):

dude dont worry...my bf was the same but he flirting with he exs and that made me pissded and i told him how i felt but he didnt stop so i dumped his srry little ass

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011):

Well me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 3 months and he has a reputation as a player. So he flirts with any other girl that flirts back. :/ if i try to talk about it to him, he blames it on me for some reason. We've had 3 or 4 arguements about it. And now he will not even txt me first and if i text him his signiture that he usually has...is gone, but when he wants to be really sweet, he can be but that is definitly not all the time. But anyways, the only thing that i found to work is when he walks up to me at school and im talking to other guys or act like im flirting. So literally just flirt with other guys in front of him ;) or if you dont think the relationship is worth saving, then just dump his ass (:

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011):

ok i understand your pain because my bf does the same thing. just consult him and tell him how you feel and if he continues doing all these things.......DUMP HIS A**

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A female reader, meggieheartbroken United Kingdom +, writes (27 January 2011):

My bf does it all the time. I tell him how i feel and he says stop having a bitch fit. He plays this game with his mate called dirty pacman and it looks like hes humping other girls. I had to kiss him he said hes all shy but why is he flirting with everyone! Once i saw him kissing this other girl but he pulled away and said i got a gf who i love but gueesss what that wasnt me. All my mates fancy him and then always want to be around him like hes some chick magnet. He had and still has a reputation even though hes still young. He dont concentrate in class and half the time asks for presents but acts like a jerk and gives them away. He says he loves me but now i dont no what to belive. Im scared incase he cheats but he says i have no trust in him. Ive none his mum since i was 3 and even she said he flirts alot i dont no is thatsgood or whether thats bad. what do you lot think? rate my answer plz

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010):

Oh honey , let mee just tell you . I have the same problem ! .

We never hang out in school when it's lunch or in the mornings anymore .

And I've noticed he has been flirtig with a lot of girls . He doesn't see it but luckily I do and so does everyone else . One his closest friends and one of y closest guy friends , told me ' that he acts diffrent when I'm not with him . Therefore he is two faced . I always see him slapping another girls ass. But I just ignore it cause I'm so tired of it . What do I give him back ?I just try to go my own way and set myself aside , so I kinda try to stay away from him . Beacause let me tell you guys are full of jealousy and they like to be center of attention .therefore you must act like you don't care an mind your own buissness an do your own thing. So the minute he sees your eyes aren't on him , he'll want your attention and come crawling back . P.s , don't play so hard to get ,

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2010):

ok sweetie i have had the same problem before so let me tell you my story, my boyfriend and i had just started dating and then after about a month i notice that one girl would allways hang out with him and pull him close to her and he would allways give into it. well i took a breath and got it together and decited to just walk away with a little dignity and grace. the next day he asked if i was mad at him and i said no and explained i was just dissapointed and had better things to do than watch him flirt. he said he loved me and i said that i loved him too and through out the week i just kept my distance and i gave him fewer hugs and only a kiss on the cheek here and thare instead of our usual constant lip lock. about a week later i noticed he didnt care for her anymore and was more interested in following me around ...he started complimenting me and trying to win me back, i still kept my distance though untill i knew he was trully ready to only commit to me . guys want what they cant have its just nature :) . i was 13years old at the time and my boyfriend and i are still together going strong and we have trust 4sure and now i am 16years old i hope this helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010):

My boyfriend and I , I'd like to say we have a stable relationship. He knows I have many close guy friends and he has many close girl friends. He flirts with them, dances very promiscuously with them. I don't know if I should care more. He does it when I'm there, when I'm not there...Tells me quite often when he does (I could never know if he told me every time...) But initially I do get pretty hurt over it, thinking i"Why does he feel the need to flirt if he loves me as much as he says he does??" /iBut he's just having fun. I don't want him to be sitting in a corner while all his friends are going wild. I guess it's an issue of trust and if he was to really cheat on me. Then that's it. It's over. But if he didn't, I have no reason not to trust him. But I'm gonna say that guys can come up with the most absurd excuses when they're threatened (they're so primal!) so if you want them to tone it down, don't bombard them with threats and tears. Just talk. And eh, yeah, they do it do boost their ego too, so let him be a primal man that needs a lil' attention to boost their self confidence.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010):

I have the same problem. My boyfriend FLIRTS with every girl he sees!! He "claims" that he's not flirting with them, and that he is just "talking" to them. This one girl really likes him and he's too ignorant to see that shes SERIOUSLY flirting with him. She grabs his (junk in the front, and back) All I do is look away. He plays a game with his friends called "Grab Ass." as you can tell... It's a particular bothering game for me. I watch him grab other girls butts and I get SO sick of it. I just turn my head because I know if I say anything, that he'll call me "Chick-Flick" he said he nicknamed me that because I start all the drama with his "GIRL" friends... He says that everyone he talks to is like his family. His friends even said many times "Dude, you're a DOUCHE to your girlfriend!" Or one day I heard my best guy friend say " WHY THE HELL ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ALL THOSE BITCHES?! DON'T YOU SEE? ONE DAY SHES GOING TO LEAVE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO THOSE OTHER GIRLS! SHES SICK OF IT AND I AM TOO!! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" and he actually came to find me, he told me my boyfriend shouldn't be flirting any more, but he is. Its either them or me. If he choses to flirt any more IM GONE.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010):

I'm 14 and my boyfriend was a flirt, it's a long distance relationship, we've been together for 10 months now. He gave me his facebook password and I looked through his messages... :\ I was so curious. I found all these messages from his friend. They were way too close!! Ugh! He asked "hey do you care if I poke your boob?" and all this stuff. Boys are stupid! (we are Christians btw) and he asked her WAY too personal questions like... "did you freak out the first time you had discharge? is it like cum?" and all this sexual stuff. I got SO upset. I found out he was poking his other friends boobs and making sexual jokes about and to them. He was also WAY to 'nice' to girls. ugh. I talked to him about it, (this was months ago btw) and he was so sorry... (he actually cried alot) We made so many promises together, like "No looking at other girls" and "RESPECT ALL GIRLS." and ect, he keeps them all and reads them EVERYDAY. I told him if he ever breaks one, its over, but we also had a really long talk this and he calls me his angel now :) because he feels I brought him closer to God. He reads the Bible often now and realizes the responsibilities of being a Christian and that even thinking about another girl is a sin. we are both very strong Christians. He stopped everything he did because he loves me and because he knew it was the right and Christian thing to do. So, Girls, talk about it with him. Christian or not he should NOT think about, talk to or look at other girls in a sexual way. if he truly loves you, he will understand and stop.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2010):

I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. I get so jelous when he talked to other girla and the other day, walking out of school, about fifteen girls came out and were like "Ryan!!!! Omg I love you so much!!! Come here give me a hug!!" and all that crap. Idk if he knows it hurts or not but it really does.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010):

I had a boyfriend at one time and he was a real asshole to me, he always put me down. he thought that he was hotstuff, far from it. he thinks that any girl would want him, but not everyone wanted to go out with a loser like him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010):

well im going through the same thing, and what i am gonna do is say i heard something about him, and then tell him to stop and whatever, im just gonna talk to him about it, and if he dont stop, im gonna do it to him, then he should stop

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010):

Okay first off I catch myself jumping to conclusions all the time ... But at the same time SOMETHING is making us all do this, Right? Secondly For all the men and women reading this .... not EVERY man or woman could possibly have a flirty personality!! My boyfriend Flirts, But if the woman he's flirting with takes it too far he leaves or laughs it off (Or so he say)... But I'm happy he tells me about it ... But it's the way he says it that upsets me. It's almost like he's saying...I know your in love with me so now I can stop being that shy guy and show you that I can get pretty much any woman I want, Which hurts me so bad, When he acts like that I get silent and short with him. He doesn't catch it most of the time. I'm scared because I let my heart go to a place that I've never let it go before and for all the men reading this.. It's not that we aren't confident, It's that someone has taken that confidence from us the minute they knew they had our hearts!! I hope everyone men and women find the answers they are looking for and just remember women do this to men too and that this isn't men against women ... We all need advice even from the opposite sex!! Take care all!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010):

my bf is the same.....omg i get so mad because hes trying to find he "NEXT ONE" i guess,what i do is flirt with his best guy friends and tell them who i like an do it rite in front of him....it works ,trust me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010):

My boyfriend does that same thing. I've been starting to look around and pretty much ALL guys will flirt a girl whether he's taken or not. Mabye try to hint at him that you're getting mad about it. Give him the cold sholder or something. I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and one of my friends went up to me and told me that him and this other girl were flirting alot. I didn't know how to respond to that. This just happened today, so when I saw him last I just gave him the cold sholder. This isn't the first time this has happened with me and I've been doing this tecnique everytime, and he usually gets the picture after a while. If you don't feel comfortable telling him how you feel about it I would recommend doing that. But good luck to you and everyone else with this isue. I hope everything turns out fine for you. :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2010):

I've been through the same thing, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two yrs and at the beginning of the relationsip he would constantly txt his ex gf and she'd reply. I read them and it full said ' I miiss you' or 'love ya' like come on man. And although he claims his being nice and he tells me 'what else am I supposed to say' and I tell him you should stop the flirting and tell them you have a girlfriend so your commited and don't flirt. I mean out of all girls and he called her prettier than me I'm his own GIRLFRIEND like wtf. But I love him so much. And the situation has gotten much better after you tell him how you feel and if he really loves you he'll stop!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010):

my boyfriend does the exact same, it was difficult at first, i couldn't hide my jealousy.. what i did was took note of the times he did it.. catch him out whenever. then do it yourself. FLIRT LIKE MAD! he will react and you just say now you know how i feel and say all the times you noted.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010):

I have the same problem. I got into bellydancing a couple of years ago. I am by no means a professional yet, but then he got into drumming once I got into bellydancing and so he could drum for me, but now when we go to bellydance events he flirts with all the other bellydancers and offers to drum for them now too. I know he's trying to get his foot in the door, so to speak, but it makes me wonder what else he might be trying to get. I don't know what to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010):

Call him on his shit. If he says you're getting bent out of shape for no reason, dump his ass. Trust me, overly flirty guys are the worst. If he's worth it, he'll listen to you and stop, or at the very least tone it down.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010):

I think we need a forum to discuss this so we can reply to one another and figure out what to do. I wrote on here in June and when I went out with my boyfriend the other day (for the first time in ages cos we're busy with work) this sales girl was trying to sell him some jeans so I just walked away, next thing I know, he's forgotten one of my shopping bags at the front of the store cos he's trying on jeans. He immediately changed his tune when the girl started interacting with me over him. As always, he laps up attention but when I get some he gets suspicious. He actually made a snide remark because my friends were laughing at all my jokes one night, WTF is that?

I think he has some sort of insecurity because he thought I was out of his league. Silly me thought this might keep him in check, quite the opposite, he's always trying to prove how special he is and forgetting to make me feel special. So now the double whammy is I feel too good for him but his actions make me feel an inch tall.

The words to describe him is double standard. I know he feels guilty about the flirting. Honestly, I used to think he was the one before all of this because before I started dating him I told him my cynical thoughts that relationships all seem great at first and then they just end up in a rut. He assured me that wouldn't happen and he was such a spontaneous, hopeless romantic. What a bunch of bullshit. I didn't sign up for this and I think it's only a matter of time before I break it off.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010):

my boyfriend does the same thing you need to talk to him straight up tell him that it's ethier you or other girls and if he keeps on doing it break up with him you don't need him your are a beautiful girl you can go and find you another man

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010):

Girl,

You need to be more strong confident within yourself!Because I'm going through the same situation w/ my boyfriend. So ,I know where your coming from.Research.Learn as much as possible about him.Knowledge is power. Follow your instincts.Wisdom of experience.Split your time/energy from this highly-charged situation. What is it that you want to pursue in your life?Give him a chance to redeem himself. You maybe quite surprised.Great spiritual energy will help you cut through deceit-self-illusion. Don't show weakness.Go out /have fun. Think positive.Stick to your friends /acquaintances /try to find joy in every facet of your life.

Don't let his actions change anything about you. Then he'll know treating others poorly is wrong/immoral.conduct.

Let life takes its course.Hard lesson learned!Find strength w/in yourself /go on an independent path.

Rely on your intuition.Take time to research your current situation.Relevant reading material. Your wisdom can be enhanced by listening to other people's travels/experiences. Some mysteries will be answered -validation.Look for signs everywhere. The Universe is answering your words of concern.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010):

it's okay my boyfriend thought he was just a player and a ganster then he flirts with almost every chick in that grade! and guess what this what you do get him when he around a lot of people and dump there sorry ass i telling you this because i went through it twice everybody was like ooh and he was no mo of a player

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010):

Well I've been with my boyfriend for a 1 yr 1/2 and honestly there's no better way to handle this situation than by simple sitting down and talking about it. If he has the desire to talk to other girls and call a girl up whenever he wants then something's up... Everyone is different and we all have our limits, all i know is that if I have a boyfriend i want him to know that I'm not going to be home while he's out there flirting with girls, im not a totally jealous girl, i just like to be respected. Yes there is the occasional innocent flirt, but a immature and untrustworthy guy isn't worth getting worked up about, there's plenty of fish in the sea and you shouldnt have worry about telling your guy that what he does is not cool. Lastly as much as id like to tell you that theres a way to get over our jealousy, there just isn't. You shouldn't feel that way if he's the right guy and he shouldnt keep doing the things he does when its the reason for your jealousy in the first place. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010):

I have the same problem with my boyfriend.....

Weve been together almost four years now,

and he has never actually 'cheated' on me in HIS

sense of the word. He is naturally flirty

and i know he doesnt mean anythign by it

but hes quite attractive and he gets some...

open responses...from girls. We broke up once for about a month, and he did have a physical relationship

with a girl who he insists was 'rebound', although

it stopped at touching, thank god. Im EXTREMELY jealous

and althoguh he has never done anythign flat out wrong

since then, even little details seem to get to me

and SEVERELY upset me. Simple things like flirting, or

facebook or myspace chats taht go a little overboard.

Like i said, he never does anythin straight out wrong,

so i have no right to limit him to no female interaction...

But when i talk to him about it, he assures me its just his

pesronality, and that he means no harm, im just overreacting... i know it should make me feel better that

hes never cheated that i know of, and that hes been wiht me so long, but somehow, i dont feel any better, and the

jealousy gets worse and worse all the time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010):

my boyfriend is like he loves and cares for me i love my boyfriend his so nice his also cute. his the best boyfriend in the world.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010):

Hmm... this page has given me a lot of insights... I want to validate what I'm feeling, and I also want to validate what he's feeling. He's a grown man and shouldn't have to feel like I am constantly trying to control him. So I have some ideas that I just might try out:

1) Hug him or put my arms around him when he's chatting with another girl. Or guide his hand to rub my baby bump (yes, we're expecting!). Any sort of physical contact... and hopefully he responds, and it discourages another girl from getting physical with him. Or encourages him to remember that instead of fantasizing about her, it should (hopefully) be about me. :-)

2) Tell him that I like it when he acknowledges me. Half of what upsets about half of us on here (I'm guessing) has to do with our boyfriends not acknowledging us in another female's presence. So maybe I'll try telling him how good it makes me feel when he introduces me, that it shows he's proud to be with me. He can have that long (or short) conversation with her, but I immediately feel more self-worthiness and better and happier when he acknowledges me in front of her. That way it's more positive. ;-D

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010):

My boyfriend just talks to women on the phone and I feel uncomfortable with it. It's crazy because I've been in other relationships where the man has cheated on me...over and over. Now i don't trust a guy as far as i could throw him. But it causes me to be paranoid. Okay, i did something i shouldn't have. I have my boyfriends password to his voicemail. He goes to California for a business trip. I call him and he tells me he will call me back because he's talking to someone at this business office. Mind you it was 8pm. So i didn't what i shouldn't have. I called his voicemail. Sure enough, its the girl he was talking to and i could tell by what was said that he had gotten this girls cellphone number. This is a girl that he didn't even know before going out there. Why would he need to talk to her past business hours? Why would he need her cellphone number? And she's trying to sound all cute on the phone. I was so livid. I honestly don't know what to do because i went off on him so bad on the phone. Guys make me sick sometimes.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010):

omg i know exactly how you feel! my ex boyfriend was flirting with this one girl in our history class, & whenever im with him & when he sees her, he would either yell out her name & wave at her or he would give her a hug right when im there. i hate it when he does that, it really pissed me off & made me so damn jealous. but whatever, he broke up with me like a week or 2 weeks ago, we're just friends now. =/

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010):

i have only been with my bf for like 2 months but his constant flirting ways are just getting to me! when were with a group of friends he would just be flirting with them in front of mny face which i find just... disrespectful! im sitting their thinking.. WTF are yu playin at! one time he was hugging a girl goodbye then he squeezed her butt and started grinding on her IN FRONT OF ME!and the worse thing about it was tht.. im her close friend! :O and he kept making sex noises as if he was really loving it. im like WTF! then hes like oh its just abit of fun u kno that im only playin with yu. im like yeah.. sure. ¬_¬ after he does all of this flirting he would turn round to me and say ' i love you so much and blah blah blahh' and then start strokin g my face as if he's trying so hard to sweeten me up and make me fall for him again. hes like its only you who i wnt yhyh bullshit! IF IT WAS ONLY ME WHO HE WANTED THEN HE WOULDNT FLIRT IN THE FIRST PLACE! oh yh, another time he went to this club and got behind this girl and started dancing behind her. i found out through the pics on facebook! but in the end he did tell me. But thats only after i mentioned it to him! then he came out with all this crap sayin '' it was only abit of fun'' tbh, u shouldnt even be going to places like that when ur in a relationship coz ur gona end up doing things that u regret! Like dancing with some desperate, skanky hoe! and another time at a party (which i wasnt there but my friend told me) he pushed one of my closest friends onto the bed and opened her legs. When i heard tht i was going maaaad! HOW CAN HE BE DOIN THEM THINGS! i should leave him coz he has NO respect for me whatsoever. but the thing is... I love him tooo much! its just too hard to let go. i guess i keep falling for his charmz :S another time he got behind a girl and started dancing and grinding on her.. actually tht wasnt the first time tht night. he had done it a second time to a different girl tht same night. uhh. HES SUCH A FRIKIN MAN-WHORE! he even admitted himself! ive had enough of his shit, and no girl should have to put up with it. but i just cant.let.go :/ i just remembered another thing. the other day he touched my friends boobs :/ :@ HES EGO IS WAAAAAAAY TO BIG! hes a loud, funny and popular guy who gets on well with everyone but he needs to know when to stop flirting! its hurting me so much ;(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010):

I know!!! I have a boyfriend and he always have comments on his myspace from girls like hey there ;), it just reminds me why i dislike girls sometimes. i Dont snoop around, But when i comment him back, it goes to his comments and i SEE.. UGH!! i just wish i could add all those girls and see if hes flirting back. Its driving me insane

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010):

There should be a name for these type of guys. My boyfriend is the same way...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010):

Well my boyfriend always flirts with one of his ex's that he barley even knew when they went out. He flirts openly in front of me with her and when I question him about it he just says it's "unconsciously " doing it without realizing his actions.. I definitely don't even know what to say to THAT. but it hurt me because i have told him that I don't like it and he says he won't do it again and yet he still does! :/ plus he checks out other girls claiming that it's a "guy thing" and okay i guess i can understand and sure it might be what he says but does he have to check them out in front of me? and compliment them or say why i can't be like them? it's really rude and disrespectful.. i have no idea what to say to him about it or how to even start a conversation about this.. :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010):

I know what a you girls talking abt...i just broke up with my ex 2 months ago, he keeps hell lot of flirtations, and there is one of them is really special always calls him or msg whenever she feels like. And lately he started to lie to me abt he wanted to see her or not, I think they just need to learn how to respect female!! girls move on! The right one never let his woman stay in the dark! So I am happily dumped him, and he is angry about why i dumped him! Stupid man! I need another right mr. to make me worth to stay with! xoxo

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010):

so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. i know he's got this flirtatous and charming personality but he goes over board with it. we have this group of friends that are all very friendly and one of the girls is starting to be a really good friend, she also has a boyfriend that mine and her's hang out and knew each other for years. but my problem is, is that he overly flirts with her like he would pick her up, sometimes whisper in her ear as if he was telling her something about me or whatever. but when i would tell him it bother's me that he's being too flirty, he tells me im over dramatic and jealous and he tells me whatever. see to me whatever means a big F-U . so i am not sure what to do . i tried to tell him that how would you feel if i did stuff like that to his friends? or hang all over them ? his reply is; i dont care.i dont know what to do with this. i tried to tell him it hurts me that you dont consider how i feel about this. what to do what to do ????

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010):

I have a boyfriend and we've been together for a little over a year now. He has that type of personality that is way to flirty and gets all the girls, no matter what he does. I seriously can't take anymore of it. It's getting me sick. We had a million talks about it, all I hear is that I do it too, so why can't I? I know for a fact that, I don't hang out with friends at all anymore, my texts are only to him now, and emails (I don't get anything) He says that once we go to college together, we're gonna have a great life. I don't know if that is ever gonna happen with him flirting with the girls that he meets and texting them 24/7. It's so hard for me to want to break up with the guy because I love him and he came to me when I really needed it, But he's never gonna change - (like he said), so why bother ruining my life and being jealous all the time. Us girls should be with a man that's gonna stay up late with you, leave his phone in the car and give us what we need. Am I right? I'm gonna be 18 in 2 months and the whole dating thing is just a waste for me. I don't know how all of you women do it. It's so hard..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010):

My boyfriend has worked as a bartender for the past 15 years. He considers himself a flirt. I'd known him for 9 years on an acquaintance level before we started dating but I was under the impression his flirting would change if he were in a relationship.

I realize now it was naive of me to assume he would stop flirting with other women even if he is in a relationship.

I tried to communicate how I felt about seeing him flirting with other woman and I was told I was jealous. He shut down and then stopped talking to me for 3 days.

For the 1st 70 dates, I was positive he is the 'one'. 3 months into our relationship, I invited him to move in because he was in a jam, apartment wise.

It changed the dynamics of our relationship drastically. I'm being constantly criticized for organizing and cleaning our space unless it is done per spec to his requirements although he rarely talks to me now? I guess I'm supposed to be physic.

To boot, the man comes in around 4a.m. reeking of booze. This isn't perfect vision of the 'one' for me.

We've been together for 9 months. I no longer feel like I'm a priority - it appears booze and other woman come before me.

I tried to communicate with him, to share my thoughts, feelings, hopes for the future and it's come down to me feeling like I have to pull teeth to get the man to talk.

There's a hell of a lot more to comment on but the drama is too much. My friends say I deserve and that there is someone out there who will appreciate me.

I've given this man a week to decide if he can start to communicate & respect me or he can leave and I can move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010):

I think I can really connect with how you feel. My boyfriend s overly flirty and when i confront him with it, he just says that he does even like them. And goes all sweet words on me. But the thing is he does the same thing all over again. And he every time he somehow convinces me that it is all just me, getting jealous over nothing. Maybe he's just being nice, maybe he really doesn't have any bad intention, but being left hung by a thread like that sucks a lot.

And i don't have the heart to break up with him or anything. I just wish he would stop doing that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010):

my bf and i broke up because he was flirting with all these girls, i tell him i hate it, and hes like, well im your boyfriend arent i? i just couldnt stand it, but i still love him..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010):

i know how you girls feel. My boyfriend always picks up other girls in the pool and doesn't notice me. Then when we are alone he loves me. I get mad because he isn't that nice to me sometimes, but i just take it. I am a very jealous person. I tell him that he is doing that and he says that him and the other girl are just friends, but i don't believe him. I makes me really cry sometimes. And i don't know why i take it. I think it is because we have soo much history and i really like him. I also forgive people very easily. I hope i helped you feel better. Good luck ladies. Be strong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2010):

Just tell him my boyfriend was like that and I told him and if he wont change then he's not the one. My boyfriend flirted with my sister like put his arm around her and crap I didn't talk to him for a week and let myself cool off and hang out with some friends and have them help me with what I should do. He also told me he liked two of my best friends and he didn't know why I ran to the bathroom and cried. Don't let it go on any longer and just tell him because it's not worth it!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

I know exactly how you feel. I have a boyfriend who goes out with other girls constantly. He hangs out with four or five of them at a time, going on picnics and trips and junk like that. It kinda of hurts. Not in the sense that I'm jealous, but that I know one day he's going to get over me and fall for one of the plenty of other girls he knows that are much more worthy. It's heart wrenching.

All I can really offer for advice is.. well, if you think he's worth it, stay with him and try to talk with him about his flirting issue. If not, try and break up with him and search for someone new.

Best wishes.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

sadly they don't change, really. .that doesn't mean he cant stop though. my ex did stop completely and his flirting was really just him being nice. my boyfriend now is 16 yrs older than me and he simply says he wont stop being nice..and he is a total charmer, huge flirt. but thats why i love him..

And even so i still get jealous too!! jealousy is a horrible emotion to try and control, especially when he isnt doing much to make u feel more secure other than just being ur boyfriend..

its called 'cheating' for the reason being that it happens in relationships, not with single ppl. honey, only stay with him if u think that his flirting is only just that.. if u doubt him and are worried that it could be more, then u need to get out of it..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010):

i have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I have just ended the relationship because of his flirting.

as much as i love being with the guy I don't feel comfortable when we are out with other people.

I want to be proud of my man and feel safe with him - I didn't with this one so I have had to move on.

I only ended it last night so I have a heart ache ahead and i know i will have to be strong as he wont let me go too easily - but I had told him many times that I didn't like this side of his personality. Once you make your mind up - dont take the calls and dont answer the emails - he will only drag you back in

Stay strong, be with friends and accept that you will be in pain for a while - It will pass. Go through the pain now or feel insecure and unsafe in your relationship for years to come.

You have to judge your own situation - but if it is making you feel unhappy and sending you crazy and jealous then think about this seriously.

Be strong girls - we deserve better xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010):

What the reader on May 31, 2010 said is exactly correct. I've been with my boyfriend for some time and he will never change. All of my boyfriend's friends are girls, pretty girls, that's the problem. He still talks to/flirts with some girls he has even slept with!! I tell him, what if I was flirting with my ex's? He says he wouldn't care! Anytime I get jealous about it, he says I'm being insecure and that he loves only me. ALL LADIES GET THIS IN YOUR HEAD NOW-- HE WILL NEVER CHANGE! Mine actually admits he won't change, though whenever I make a fuss about it, he says he'll try to tone it down. NOPE! It will never work. This is his personality.

So if you want to stay with him, make sure you don't get high hopes for a change. You have to live with it, or live without him. I'm trying this new thing now (as May 31st reader said) to assure myself he's with me for a reason, and not with them. I try not to think about the flirting, and ignore it anytime I can. The fact is, if he does it around you, he probably doesn't see it as a big deal. At least he's not flirting behind your back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

I just fought with my boyfriend about this. The last thing he said to me was "I want things to be fair." I can't actually wait until we go out and he flirts again because then I'll whisper, "Fair's fair." and turn on the charm with another guy. I've been way too good to him. I'm a huge flirt but I've completely stopped so what the hell is his problem? When I think of all the occassions and all the times I said something about it (he has always been defensive about it "What is it now?" The same thing it's been every time you asshole.) I'm now at the end of my tether. I mean he flirted with a family member on my birthday! He knew I had a problem with her because she's very flirty and I even confronted him about flirting with her a previous time and in the middle of my birthday, I took him aside so he still had an opportunity to fix it. What a total douche! He's not even half as good as me. What the hell am I doing here? I had a previous boyfriend who told the particular family member that he wasn't interested so "please leave me alone". Now that's a real man who doesn't need to please everyone because he's not a pussy. I can't actually believe how weak most men are. Good luck everyone!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

I'm so glad to see so many strong women writing about this. Times have changed, we send them backing and won't settle for less than we deserve. My mother married a total flirt and it's never changed. She told me that I can't spend my life like that and it's hard to hear but if he's flirting with other girls when you're young and beautiful, he sure as shit doesn't deserve or appreciate you and won't learn how to either. It's a pathetic ego boost. We can all flirt, I just don't feel the need to prove something to myself and hurt my boyfriend. but when I do, best believe it kills him, I hate these double standards! When I told my boyfriend he can go and live that life but I'm not sticking around he freaked out. Guys are always great in the beginning and then they get comfortable and stupid. I don't go for the conventionally handsome because I assumed his ego and flirtatiousness would bother me. Guess what, the funny, the flawed and the intellectual guys are just as bad. As soon as they're in a relationship they:

1. appear attractive to other women especially if their girlfriend is even half-decent looking.

2. get an ego and feel so secure because they have someone at home for them.

3. this makes them so confident and more attractive in interactions.

4. they want a taste of something new without having the guts to pursue it.

All in all, what a bunch of pansies. Half of them wouldn't have the impetus for it if they didn't have a girlfriend and if they actually like the person they're flirting with, they're too much of a wimp to break up with their girlfriend. So don't take his shit ladies. There are guys out there who will treat you like gold and the more of us who lay down the law, the more guys will have to adapt. These guys who remain flirts forever will have a hard time finding a woman who endorses their behaviour and any woman who ends up with them is the poor soul who never realised that they don't change.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

I just confronted my boyfriend for the upteenth time about flirting, I was very gentle about it and he told me he can't deal with how "insecure" I am. When will people realise there is a difference between being insecure and knowing what you want out of life? I don't want an overly flirtatious boyfriend, how can I even trust someone who sees that as an overeaction? If I flirt he gets upset so you'd think he'd understand where I was coming from. But I already played that "taste your own medicine" game. Now I really don't know what to do. He says I want a fantasy boyfriend. I already had an ex-boyfriend who wouldn't flirt at all so I know those guys exist. Does he think he's going to find a girl who loves the way he talks to other girls? Seems like he's the one with the fantasy.

Some of the advice along the lines of "he obviously loves you because he's with you" falls flat because people get comfortable in relationships, sure he chose you when you started dating but maybe his feelings have changed. I just wish guys had the balls to break it off if they were interested in other girls. Go be single, at the end of the day they'll see that people want the same things, they want happiness and affection. I'm not sure what to do anymore. People don't know what they've got till it's gone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010):

ok.. just tell him that your feeling just a little uncomfortable when girls come and flirt with him.. and maybe he will apologize and flirt with you back..

hope i helped there.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

well lets see the same thing is happening in mine nd my bf relationship hes one of those guys that flirt alot hes always commenting girls piks nd sending them comments nd stuff nd he perfectly knows he has me he does that to other girls not me nd i really dont appeciate that i want to tell him something but idk if its the right thing kuz at the same time i dont want him to get mad at me kuz i dont want to loose him i like him to much for that to happen nd i jus dont know wat to do but ima wait a lil bit to see wat happens nd if he keeps doing the same thing ima have to tell him something straight up nd he told me hes not gonna break uop with hes gonna let me be the one to be in charge of that but im kinda confused but ill find something out soon

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

think we are going through the same thing, well i would advise you to flirt with other guys and test his reactions. if he gets jealous too, then he'll probably stop flirting after some time , then you wont have to get jealous.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2010):

Im slightly in this situation.

See theres this girl , who i thought was my friend - not a best friend just friend , but now it seems she just uses me to get to him . She is always flirting around him and he doesnt tell her to go away - Sure he tells me he loves me and hugs me but we keep having arguments because i get so annoyed and frustrated. For example : They are both doing a talent show and my best friend came back ( who is also doing the talent show ) and told me how they were sitting next to eachother and laughing and joking and complimenting on eachothers talent. Sometimes it just feels like she's his girlfriend? :( I have been told that she moved next to him but he could of moved away and he didnt !?! I dont want to lose him because i love him , but the question is does he love me anymore ??? Whenever he's with me he tells me how he hates her but when im not there and she is ... anyone would think they were going out - I need idea's and help guys as this is upsetting me and i want to sort it out as i am also in the middle of a test week ! :'(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010):

My boyfriend is the same way. I know that i trust him but the thing is i just dont trust the other girls. He's a big flirt and is super nice. He's also very outgoing. He enjoys talking and hanging out with anyone (including other girls). We've been going out for over a year and he tends to hang out with girls pretty often. I just have to tell myself that thats just the way he is and i cant change it. I tell myself he's with me, and if he wanted another girl he could have her. I cant tell him not to hang out with other girls because i, myself, hang out with other guys. The best thing to do is just trust him, and know that he's with you, and only you. It shouldn't matter if he's with one girl or twenty girls. He's your boyfriend. not theirs.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010):

aww, this has been so much help :)

basically, my boyf is a COMPLETE flirt, but i'm a hypocrite saying this, cause i think thats why i fell for him in the first place! we've been together over a year, and we've had our ups and downs, and ive been trying to work out why i don't trust him. ive come to the conclusion that he's just a huge flirt. i say we've had ups and downs, but it's always him making the downs, like something he's been cought doing, or saying.

last year sometime i was looking through his phone, getting pictures or something. then i saw all of these texts from MY BEST FRIEND. (ex best friend, obvs ;D) they we're planning on meeting up while i was away on holiday! i asked him to explain himself, i said to him that that was completely out of order. I think it really made my not trust him. i feel the need to be with him 24/7. i know that sounds sad, but i feel like otherwise he'll go off with one of the 96363834 girls he knows. :L

luckily, i have now got three of the best friends i could ever wish for. i told them all about it, and they told me that i was right in making a fuss, even if it doesn't sound like much. they said that the moment that he does anything else, then they'll be round to rip his balls off!

the trouble bascially is, me and my boyf get on really well. we know each other inside out, we're really good mates as well as together, he totally respects me in every way. ive got so used to him being around, that i feel i could never break up with him.

Not long ago, around a month ago i logged onto his facebook to write him a status. i saw he was talking to this girl, and (being nosy and the fact i don't trust him ONE BIT) made me look at their chat history. right, he was talking about how much he loved her, and then, how he was gonna have sex with her! me and my boyf havn't had sex. she said 'what about you gf' and he was like, ill do you after. i rang him up in complete shock. i am sad to say that i still havn't broken up with him, i do sometimes worry that i would be so much better off without him, but i can't take that risk. i think i do love him, idk. hes so sweet and charming, but, im thinking three strikes and he's out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010):

my boyfrnd too, hes doing the same .. :( i saw checked his account on facebook ! many cheaaaaaap gals on his list .. =( what makes sad more that he put his piccies so ladies comment on it ! =( he shattered my heart into a million pieces,,, but now am trying to breakup with him ,, when he calls i dont answer :) i want him to feel even it takes a year ,, i may find someone whos better than him ,u know ,, ^_^

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010):

I don't think I could handle being with a flirty guy. My boyfriend used to be a mild flirt, but not a man-whore flirt. But once he started dating me, he stopped flirting and pretty much talking to other females. I didn't make him, he just did.

However I am EXTREMELY jealous, and I realize it. I apologize to him often, and tell him that I can't help it. If I get jealous I never react in anger, but I just ask him innocently "Do you still love me?" and he actually thinks it's adorable and usually wraps me up in a bear hug and says, "YES!"

So my advice is: Don't SERIOUSLY date flirty men. It's only a set up for heart-break and/or severe and painful jealousy. And if you are the jealous type, always be humble and never angry.

I hope I helped!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010):

Like most users here, I'm sure "boyfriend flirting, and I don't know what to do." or something along those lines, were typed into google, and "bam," this glorious little site popped up. Hearing all these testimonies have really implored me to do something about the problem.

...

But of course I'm not going to. I really like him. Started as best friends, and, well,stayed as best friends for a while too. I liked him. He knew.. I think. It's to hard to tell, some days. He's a lady's man. We're together now, and he knows he flirts, but says it means nothing. I never tell him that it makes me feel terrible; makes me feel like I'm not enough. He doesn't like PDA, and I agree, to a point. But his version of PDA and mine must be REALLY different. Holding hands counts, I guess. Arm around shoulders too. Any touching I guess. Yet he doesn't have any problem doing that with his many friends that are girls. Constantly. In front of me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010):

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I, myself, am a very outgoing person, and I flirt alot as well. I'm a year and a half into my relationship, and I havent even thought about cheating on her. Yet, I do flirt with other girls. However, your boyfriend, might not even notice he is flirting. I, accidentally flirt with girls, without even doing it on purpose.

So, don't judge him too hard, because in the end, he is still with you. Now, if he was flirting in a very physical way, I would become a bit more suspicious. Although, if this is with female friends of him, don't worry, his body language will tell you if its casual, or a real flirt.

I hope I make sense, just wait and see, but don't get too jealous, cause that might mess with your relationship, even when he's not doing anything at all.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010):

Some women like the competition, believe it or not. i had a friend that told me she was attracted to a guy just because she knew he had a girlfriend. Sick right?!!! For some woman, a man seems more attractive when they have a girlfriend because it shows that they can commit to a woman. But what that woman doesn't realize is that if that guy is flirting with them, their not the greatest husband or boyfriend and are likely to be just as untrustworthy if that woman were to become his spouse. Look, in your situation i would say be cautious of what he's doing, pay attention, but play stupid. If he loves you, he'll realize what he's doing is wrong, on his own. If not, it will probably get worse, but then that would mean you shouldn't waste your time with a guy like that. You'll spend the rest of your life worried whether or not he's going to, or is cheating on you. and thats no fairytale ending.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010):

I know what you mean, I'm kinda having the same problem with my boyfriend and even though I'm not an expert here I say if he really likes you and you have nothing to worry about don't think about it or get sad... Get even. Still be with your guy but talk to other guys around him and do what he does with other girls so he'll see how it is. If your not for this tell him what he's doing wrong or tell the other girls to back off!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010):

aaah, i get this with my boyfriend too, he flirts alot but then he comes out with all this crap about how much he loves me and im the only one, but he flirts with my best friend, MAJOR infront off me sometimes. im there like what the hell. Then he allways changed his mood with me, probably because he's talking to her and cant be arsed with me, so i dont know what to do, i love him so much its not understandable. I'd die if i lost him but i cant keep doing this, kidding myself. :/ i dont know where i stand to be honest.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010):

As many of you have already said, I have the same problem. He does it just because he's too nice though. I think the way to get over it is to sit down and think about how much you trust him. This is just my opinion, but isn't that what it all comes down to? Trust? If you know that's just his personality, then you're going to either have to trust him or end it. Think about it, he may be flirting because he's outgoing and just friendly, but in the end he is still coming back to you and only you. Obviously even though the other girls are flirting, he's not interested in them or he would've already made a move mainly because most outgoing guys are spontaneous. So think about it. Jealousy probably takes a toll on you, and it's probably not even worth it. If you trust him, I think you can "get over" your jealousy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010):

you know i had that exact problem, and in time it gets to be a bigger and bigger problem. i still haven't gotten him to stop, but mine does it on purpose. i would have to see saved history chats on his computer, about him saying he doesn't have a girlfriend,and flirting like hell. completely leading this other girl on.(Would you call that cheating)?

-- i'd say you should just talk to your man about how u feel, or just do what he does so he can see how it feels.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2010):

i had the same problem, you don't "get over" the problem.obviously you should just talk to him about how you feel, and if that doesn't work,well then show him how it feels.

this worked for me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010):

im going through the same kinda stuff with my boyfriend, hes a flirt. hes not really doing anything wrong by having friends that are girls. there is just this one girl. she gives me a bad feeling. but he keeps saying there just friends. and i mean ive been cheated on before so i know the signs. and there are no signs that hes cheated on me. but i still worry. but really what you gotta do is what im doing now is i am moving past my jelousy because i love him. and i dont want to losee him over something so stupid as jelousy.. thats all.

if you really love your man. and the signs of cheating arent there move on. dont hound him about it or eventually he will just get so tired of hearing you bitch that hell dump you..

signs of cheating:

sudden change of attitude.

never wanting to hang out anymore.

never texts or calls you when he says he will.

things like that..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010):

Yeah, that's how my guy is too. He's not that major flirt who hugs every girl he talks to. But that's the thing, he talks to girls--ALOT. He's a popular, sweet guy who all (and when I mean all, I seriously mean ALL) the girls are after. We've kind of been keeping the relationship a secret from people, but it kinda got out into a point where it was "understood".

His previous girlfriend didn't like him talking to other girls, especially this one girl who totally loved him. He asked her "What makes you jealous?" So the she told him everything about not liking him talking to this girl, and so he stopped since he didn't want to make her jealous or sad or anything. He's just that type of guy who doesn't like hurting people. It got to a point where he couldn't even say "hi", and I believe this is what lead to their breakup.

Now, he's with me, and he's seriously into me. He asked me the same question on what makes me jealous, and I just replied "Nothing really. I trust you enough." So we've been taking it slow. Lately though, he's been talking to all the girls alot, and I don't think he's doing it intentionally to hurt me or anything. He's just too nice. Also, it's the girls who like him that are going up to him and flirting. It even seemed like he was annoyed a little.

So yeah, I don't want to tell him to stay away from them or anything because I'll feel like the ex who kept him so restrained. I've given him a lot of freedom. He really cares for me and doesn't want to get hurt, but I really don't know how to deal with this situation...

PS Sorry I didn't answer the question.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010):

The best thing to do in this situation, girls AND guys, is to never get involved with a person like that in the first place!!! It's just setting you up for extreme jealously and you will never fully trust each other. If you don't trust each other, then what kind of relationship is that? Sometimes it's best to just let that type of person go. If he/she can't figure out how to stop flirting with every guy/girl they come into contact with, then he/she is NOT WORTH YOUR TIME and YOU DESERVE BETTER. You have to accept the fact that people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe the lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010):

Well the most reasonable thing to do would be to talk to your boyfriend. But make sure it is alone if you show girls they got to you they will do way more, and go way to far. So if he really loves you he will tell them to stop, because he has a girlfriend.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010):

My boyfriend is also friendly with other girls, but he has always been completely loyal for the past 3 years of our relationship. If he does hug it's with only 1 or 2 girls that he and I have both known and trusted for a while. He does talk to other somewhat-attractive girls but he doesn't do anything physical with them. He also never puts himself in a position where he's alone with a girl he's really attracted to. Regardless, it has always bothered me because I feel that a boyfriend should put a stop to all the "friendliness" exchanged. Also, I feel these "girls" should back down and have some respect for a relationship that's been going 3 years strong. Just a side note- I think girls who approach a guy who's with someone are showing a very skanky side to them. Girls who do this, keep in mind that if you do manage to flirt enough to catch his attention, or worst yet steal him away, that you will lose that guy the same way that you got him!-Either way though, I think that if guys and women! can have friends of either sex, just as long as they're loyal, and are not physical with these girls or put themselves in a position to be alone with them. There's nothing wrong with a quick hello and goodbye. Also, ladies, there's nothing wrong with you too having male friends and maybe showing him a taste of his own medicine-but just be loyal-

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010):

I have that same problem. He hugs and flirts with this one girl all the time. I have asked him about her before and he says no she's the one who does it and blah blah blah. But he doesn't seem to have a problem giving her hugs and when i say hugs i mean hugging her and staying in that position for over a minute. it makes me so mad

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010):

my fiance is the exact same way. he flirts all the time and i finally got the nerve to mention it to him and he looked at me like i was from mars. he had no idea. i have been with him for 6 years and it has taken a long time to get use to this. but the thing that i always tell myself is that he must love me or he wouldn't stay with me. i mean even before we started having sex he flirted a lot. so i waited a long time before having sex with him, 4 years to be exact, and he never left me. he never showed me any less love. he stuck by me. so i know that it is harmless flirting because i know my guy. i guess that is really all you can do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010):

I have the same problem. My boyfriend has always been flirty with other girls and hugs them infront of me. I get so jealous but i am friends with all these girls too and i really like them. they are very nice and i trust him and them completely. So i really hate getting jealous and try not to show it. I just keep telling myself that "this is the way he is" and i know its nobody's fault. I just try my best to feel secure in these situations. I know he loves me and i love him.

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A female reader, sarah_wara_bby United States +, writes (31 March 2010):

my boyfriend Devin who i call babe or shortie is always with my best friend Alyssa. && he calls her best friend.. i tell him she is juss a little bitch and thats why we r best friends. she is a follower... well anyways my bf tells everyone but meehh that he likes her.. he told my bestest friend that he does and she told meehh.. i asked hiim so many times and he said no i dont... he always says F & A which is forever and always. one day he sat with her at lunch and i had to sit with his best friend (my ex) and i was trying to act like i didnt care.. so that day i didnt text him cause i was mad and he text meehh like 20 times saying hey.. r yuu mad at me? and i said well no shit! and he was like why? and i was like cause yuur fucking stupid.. he said how? i said why dont yuuu ask yuur best friend.. he said im texting her rite now.. i was like yeaah watever.. he was like why r yuu acting like this? i said yuu should noe.. he said F&A? i said idk.. he said i love yuu? and i said ohk. he was like oh.. i was like yeaah well imma go.. he said no! i was like why? he said cause i miss yuu... i said well yuu shouldve been with meehh then.. he said im sorry.. i was like soo? he said babe? i said WAT?! he said i love yuu.. and i was like cool.. he was like do yuu love meeh? i was like idk. so to this day we r still together and i am still mad at him its been almost a month.. alyssa is still my friend thoo.. FML! i dont noe wat to do!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010):

You just have to honestly realize how much he means to you. If hes with you hes with you for a reason those other girls don't have. Honestly we all have our flaws. Small or big. If it really hurt you tho....(which it shouldn't if he meant anything to you)...then tell him so. If he continues his behavior, well then he probably doesn't care for you. Some guys try to take advantage of situations. Thats when it takes someone who matters to take the rehiens out of their hands and starighten it up. This goes for both parties. Don't try to flirt with anyone else just because hes doing it. That honestly just shows that hes just a pawn. But if he truthfly cares tell him that....tell him it bothers you in an unimaginable way (It shouldn't but stuff happens). If he does it and doesn't realize it well hes being dumb. You obviously deserve more then that. Everyone does. Now if hes hanging out with other girls or conversing with others more then you, theres two things you can possibly do. One....get to know him more. What do the other girls know that you don't. Even if it's the slightest thing like his favorite color when he was 5. Two...ask him why hes doing it. If he says nothing is up hes lieing. If he denies even realizing hes doing it...well hes trying to see if you will beilive him. In the end it's about trust and how much you care. Remeber there are other fish in the sea. Yeah there is never two fish fully alike. But there is one out there that suits you best. If your a clownfish you shouldn't be dating a shark. ;D

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010):

wow thanks for all the advices! they are all great and i'll do as u guys tell me 2 do. ;)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010):

hay i know how you feel! just don't do this ( don't tell people you'r going to dump him just to get him to wont you back) tell him how you feel and don't thretan him that your going to dump him or some thing when i did that he dumped me :'( now i hope this helped ~tess :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010):

my boyfreind rb..i call him tht but hes such a flirt. we went to a dance for three hours and this annoying girl is trying to ruin us. she asks for his cell number and he gave it to her, so at the dance he IGNORED me for three hours texting her the entire time. so i ran into the bathroom crying for 30 mins, he didnt even notice i was gone. after three weeks ,(today) ,i told him i didnt like his flirting and now hes mad at me.

i mean like before the dance we kept saying i love you in text messages over and over again. but now since hes got her number, he has stop saying i love you. he keeps saying theres nothing going on between them but i know there is because they keep hanging out. i really wanna dump him but its hard because i love him too much and whatif there is actually nothing going on between them? and plus he keeps calling me paranoid. but i just love him too much.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010):

i have the same problem as both of you. i have been with my boyfriend for all most a year and he tells me he loves me and all that romantic stuff but when i find out hes been flirting with other girls i start to wonder who else he says it to. when i tell him hes flirting he goes im not ( tells the girl that i think this) and then he says ok ill stop next thing i knw hes doing it again and he doesnt even know it or he says im just talking to them but its all the ;)and :P and his jokes which is how he won me over. and each week its a different girl hes close to and changes to suit them not me. this probably doesnt make sense but i dont know how else to put it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

I have the exact same problem. I feel like you pretty much just described my boyfriend. My boyfriend of 3 years is out of the country for the next 8 months. And I am ridiculously jealous. He is super flirty with other girls, and like you said, other girls dont know that thats just his personality so they flirt back and can take it the wrong way! and he doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing! it's utterly frustrating and hurts. he's making a lot of new friends where he is and most of them are girls. Every time he posts a pic on facebook with other girls or whatever it drives me crazy. its even worse that he really doesnt see anything wrong with it and he's never going to change. I dont know how to deal with this and i also dont want to look like a fool. We love each other alot and are pretty serious, but I still get a sickening feeling in my stomach whenever another girl is mentioned or a pic is posted on facebook. Sorry this really isnt any answer, but I dont know of one other than I think we both need to just look and our relationships with them and evalutate the pros and cons of having them in our lives. and decide if there's really something we need to worry about or if its just something we dont like about them that we have to try to learn to accept- if they truly are honest and committed to us.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010):

Ok so I sorta have the same problem. Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for about 9-10 months. He is a flirt-and I'm called a flirt as well so I guess we both are big flirts. Well the other day we were at the movies all of his attention was on me. He'd lay his fingers across my hand, he almost forced me to wear his jacket while we were outside because it was freezing. Well I care for him. But last night we were at my friend "L's" birthday party and he made me really mad. How? He was flirting. He had his arm around some of my best friends..., and he's like "Why are you mad at me?". I told him "Don't talk to me.". He said "What can I do to have you forgive me? I'm sorry for whatever I did.". I don't wanna tell him I'm jealous... but gah I am very very very jealous. He hugs me all the time and says "I love you" He's tagged as the flirt on "Facebook" all the time. He's my bestfriend. I don't want us to break up. I think I may just have to tell him something like, "Listen I know your a flirt, but please don't flirt with other girls-that arn't your girlfriend!!!" I love him. I care for him. I'd die without him. My best guy friend "M" he told "T" (my boyfriend) That he shouldn't flirt with other girls and put his arm around him. "M" is always saying "How are you and "T"?" and I'm like "We're good, I guess..." and he gets all concerned like "you guess?" and gah...hmmm...

I will admit I flirt a lot. Maybe thats why he feels that its ok for himself to flirt. Doubt it, but idkk.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

i wrote abt my bf and rachel im sorry but i need to let it all out he isnt even paying any attion to me. and all theese guys that are commenting "oh just leave it alone its flirting not sex" Well you know what your not the one thats going thru dis r u. this is tearing me apart im thinking ab breaking up wid him tomorrow. but he just makes me so happy my ex told me i needed to wear make up and hurt me and now he dates my spossed best friend. yeah som friend she was. but he told me i was bueatiful. i mean i know im not pretty but im not ugly. i just dont know what to do cuz now hes just ingoreing me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010):

Okay so me and my boyfriend have been dateing for a while and he still wont kiss me...And lately hes been flirting with the schools BIGGISt slut. I mean she had to move away for 2 months because she ran away and fucked with alot of gys. And its really tearing me up i just started crying in class today. and hes like oh babe whats wrong. im like omg just listen at you. but i still love him bt this is really fcking pissing me off.tell me what you would do. hes wanting me too go bowlling saterday but im about to just ask him just to ask rachel. i mean i know im not pretty but im not as ugly as her i ust dont understand why he is doing this. But thanks for listening i really need a friend bcuz it seems like u cant tell anybody anything anymore.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010):

I HAD a boyfriend & we were going out for about a year abd almost 9months. He gave me his password for his Myspace which was pretty dumb of him. I'm a bit of a myspace addict because I like fixing my page a lot. So anyways, I wanted to see how my page looked from the other point of view so I went into his account and I was a bit curious who he had been talking to so I saw mostly girls, in drfenitly the jealous type so I clicked on the messages. He was asking this hoe named gaby when they were gonna hook up -___- so I told him about it and he was like oh that's just my friend babe (btw he was also using babe, baby things like that) and I told him that I was starting to lose my trust but we made up either way. Than about a month later I sign into my own accoutrements on myspace and I get this friend request abd I look at me and "Rubyyx|3" and I realize we have my boyfriend on each others page. The summer that passed he had told ne she asked him out but he said no and than he cooments her pictures and she has so many sluty pictures so I don't tell him about this for a while but when I do he gets all defensive. He's asking if I think ilhes cheating abd I tell him that he's freakig out and maybe I shouldn't trust him and we broke up about a week ago and I'm okay with out him. Yeah I'm only 14 years old but I really cared about him abd I told him all my secrets. The point of this sad story is that you can't trust any guy because they're (most of them) assholes

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010):

Does any of these answers to your "question" even answer what you just asked?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010):

I've been to hell and back with this situation! you have no idea! anywhere from him leaving me for a slut to him hating, from getting back together to him trying to solve his depression and family problem with drugs and alcohol. and one night we hooked up and he was telling me how much he loved me and everything- the next day he didn't talk to me at all! and I called him that night and that hoe he left me for three months ago picked up and told me he couldn't talk! the next morning she posted a picture on Myspace of them kissing! I didn't do ANYTHING to him! my point is that some guys are just complete asses and you just have to make it seem like you're fun to be around and act like you don't give a fuck about him. me and him were okay up until today, he just acts different some days, he's a complete flirt! he talks with other girls more than he talks to me. his friends make fun of me for stupid reasons and today he left school with two of his guy friends and this other girl and he called me while he was with them and was like "hey I gotta question, are you bi????" and I'm like WTF! I was still at school when he said this, and I started crying. I'm NOT bi. and I have nothing against bi people, but I've been with this guy on and off for two years and he asks me that?! what the fucking hell. I texted him that night and told him I was done and he said he was just kidding and he's sorry and we sent a few more texts back and forth and then I said "who told you I was bi?" and that was 6 hours ago and he still hasn't texted me back, I sent two other texts during that time, one was a repeat of the question he didn't respond to (thinking he didn't get the text) and the last one was "okay fine don't answer me! I'm done!" and that girl he was in the car with earlier invited him to go roller blading with a few friends, so I guess that's where he's at right now. it pretty much sucks. don't worry, a lot of guys are either just as bad, or worse than what you're experiencing. I have a feeling this girl (who is supposedly my friend) is gonna end up getting with him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010):

Me and my boyfriend really like eachother. Strangly he seems to know a lot of girls that i dont. He is always texting them and talking to them. He even compliments them! its not that i dont trust him but i really want to know what up! lately he has been having these mood swings and its really bugging me. when he gets mad it takes it out on everyone! even me! yes! his girlfriend!

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A female reader, liliop900 United States +, writes (23 January 2010):

My boyfriend and I are in love, but we go to different schools and I am constantly(or so it seems) having to tell my girlfriends from that school to keep an eye on him. I have tried talking to him about how flirty he is and when he does it it really gets to me. He did make an effort to be less flirtatious around me at least towards other girls. But I literally just got off the phone from a girl who is in the same class as him and she said girl I liked him before you were ever in the picture but I just had to let go because he is a player and he flirts constantly, so I am going to have a discussion with him Sunday when I go to his house. Maybe it wont end so well but maybe it will bring us closer together, but either way, I can't go on like this its not healthy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010):

well today when i was in school , there is this girl , & her & my boyfriend are really good friend's . well , i was in one of my classes at school & she went & sat by him . they were like allloverr eachother & like putting their head's down & just smiling & staring each other in the eye . i couldn't stand just sitting there , & watching him doing that to her , it hurtt . well my eye's just got all watery but i just reallly wanted to walk out the classroom . well i just don't know what to do . because if i tell how i feel , he will be mad . hes like that . urrrg !

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A female reader, Madelyn47 United States +, writes (7 January 2010):

I too have guy problems.

The boyfriend, I'll call him J.

Anyways, J and I have been dating for almost three months. We're a happy couple, but there is just one flaw with it.

My jealousy, and his flirtaciousness.

J is into theater, and most of his friends happen to be girls. Hes always been there for them, hugged them, and kissed them on the cheek.

I once caught him kissing a friend on the cheek, and I immediately laid down the law. I wouldn't be kissing other guys on the cheek around him, so why should he?

J is very optimistic, a comedian, and sporty. Hes perfect, and he has a certain best friend I've been worried about for a while.

I'll call her L.

L and J have been best friends for a long time, and I know he cares about her A LOT.

The bad thing, Hes always texting her, ALWAYS. On every date, he mentions her in most conversations, and whenever hes around her with me, he seems to act a bit more distant.

Hes a bit possessive of his cell phone, so that just makes me even more paranoid.

I've talked to him about L before, and he knows very well how I feel about it.

He reassures me all the time that nothing is going on, and that he only cares that much about me.

J's family adores me, and over Christmas they got me presents, so did J. We spent New Years Eve together too.

I need both a guy and girl's opinion.

RESPOND ASAP.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010):

These are pretty good answers. I'm going to tell you my point of view of my experience.

Were both in a serious relationship. My boyfriend and I been dating for awhile now & generally ever since the first month and a half of our relationship came by, he began to flirt with other girls, mostly with the girls that will try to take your boyfriend away.

This happened so many times that i'm getting pretty tired of it. he goes behind my back even when i told him that i don't want him around them if they are going to flirt because then there's going to be some problems & i don't like the fact that he talks to them when they smile at eachother, playfully hits them, & etc.

I confronted him a few days ago about this kind of situation, instead of holding it in. i heard so many things that i really couldn't believe. one thing he said was to the girl, "if i wasn't with my gf, i'll be with you right now." supposedly, he was kidding around [so he says] . who kids around like that, especially when you say that you love your girlfriend so much that you will do anything for her. he got so pissed off that he got up & said to me that i'll always be a flirt no matter what & it really hurt me the second he said that, & now, i'm really on the border line of loosing my trust with him.

Later that night, i called him & told him that i confronted the girl that he was talking too that i've told her that if she wants to joke around, she could but not touch him or hit him, anything flirt wise & get this she has a boyfriend, so it makes her look like a slut. he got really annoyed that he asked me, if i believed him what he told me about this & i answered, i do believe you but with this kind of situation, i have to listen to both sides of the story. he got real mad that he was like i gotta go, bye. i was so upset that i cried myself to sleep.

The next day, accordingly yesterday, i came up to him in the morning & told him that i'm sorry for arguing with you with this, but it's only because i care & i love you more than anything & then he said, but you absolutely don't believe me, then walked away. & i screamed out, walking away is not going to work this out & he replied, i don't care anymore, then i texted him, you don't care so i'm not going to bother with this anymore, i don't really give a fuck anymore. i don't care anymore. the next thing you know, he comes to me & asked me about this text & i've told him that i don't care. & he became silent.

he said his sorry, & was like i'm sorry for being a jerk & then he went for a kiss.

Now, i don't know if i should trust him or not, but i love him in every possible way. Everybody is telling me that i shouldn't go out with him, because he hurt me so many times that they think it'll be worse if this continues.

The advice for you is that if you love him, be patient with him, but if he goes out of hand & you can't take it anymore, then you confront him & if he acts like a total ass, then leave him because i don't want to see anyone go thru worse then what i've been going thru. & today is our anniversary, so this is going to be a anniversary to remember.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010):

Wow, reading these excerpts has been so helpful to me, not in figuring out what I should do, but just to know that so many people are going through the same thing as me. My boyfriend "M" and I have been together officially for one month. We sort of jumped inot the relationship 3 weeks after we started hanging out because we hit it off so quickly. He is definitely not like either of my ex-boyfriends in that he is a HUGE flirt and I am at a loss of what to do because my 2 exes did not even look at other girls, and they did not pick up on it when they were being hit on. So this is all really new to me.

I know that my bf cares strongly for me because he was not looking for a relationship but when we met this changed and he wanted to be with just me. He told me that there was something special about me and ever since we started hanging out, other girls did not compare.

As reassuring as this is, he is a natural flirt. His personality is charismatic, outgoing, suave, and smooth. For the most part it has been fine and I am not really a jealous person so there were no real issues..up until New Year's Eve.

Although M is wonderful to me and he is extremely sweet, I've noticed that he is also extremely wonderful and sweet to many other girls as well. I've noticed that when we are out at parties my bf will warm up to one particular pretty girl and get really friendly with her. For example: on New year's eve a bunch of us were sitting around a table, there were no seats left so he chose to share a chair with my little sister's friend who was sitting right next to me instead of sharing a chair with me. Things unwound spirally for the rest of the night. "M" spent the rest of the night giving this girl special attention, conversing with her and playfully joking/flirting, making her feel good about herself so she was feeding off of his attention. Flirting is ok to a certain extent but he def crossed the line. It hurt me to watch it happening so I would turn away or leave the room.

I called him out on it a few nights ago and we talked it all out - I told him that if he is secretly missing the single life I do not want to be the one to hold him back. He told me he was just "vibing" with her and that he does not want to be with her, he wants to be with me. Call it what you want but "vibing" is what I do with someone special. It seems to be becoming a patterm for him to "vibe" with a new girl at each party although he is technically not cheating it still hurts me especially since he will do it with me standing right next to him. As my grandmother says, a leopard cannot change its spots and I can't help but feel that this is going to surface again.

The best thing I could say to M was that if it becomes a pattern I can't stick around. This shook him up for sure because he does not want to lose me - he didn't seem to realize that "vibing" was doing anything wrong but now at least he can recognize it. For now hopefully everything will be fine but deep down a part of me knows that M will always be a flirt so I'm taking it one day at a time. I know that there are many other guys out there who will not put me through this and I am not worried about finding somebody else who will make me happy someday if this does become an issue. I believe that what is meant to be will happen and everything will fall into place as it should.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010):

My boyfriend is a huge flirt, he flirts with all the girls in my school, nd he'll say "hey sarah, ur sexy" nd stuff like tht to alot of ppl with me in his arms or completly out of sight. he hugs on girls and wears their clothes, but he was like tht wen i met him. nd he even told me tht he was very flirty nd wishes tht he couldnt be for me, but the thing is, is i dont mind at all bcuz wen he flirts, it puts a smile on their face, and i know hes mine. everyone knows hes mine. one girl tried to take it too far wit him, he cut her off completly, doesnt talk to her anymore. and if he stopped being flirty all of a sudden, i would be worried bcuz thts wats not normal for him. nd if he wasnt naturally flirty nd i saw him flirting wit a girl, tht would worry me, even if he ment no harm. i think its just easier this way. i love my man, and he loves me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009):

So, I have stumbled accross this website, cuz I had the same problem.

I just met this gorgeous guy about 3 1/2 weeks ago who I very much like and is attractive. I have hung out with him and my best friend and her guy. She says what really bothers her about my boyfriend is he has a little bit of a "caulky" attitude, by saying "you wouldn't walk for a week".

What hurt me a little, was that I found out from my friends that my boyfriend had sent them text messages that were flirtatious. They both told me that they informed him, they don't "break the friend code", so don't flirt with them.

When, I confronted my boyfriend about this, he said he did do it and that he naturally does flirt, but it doesn't mean anything, he will not act on it, and he also said if I want him to stop, he would, without me even asking.

I am pretty sure I can trust that he is telling me the truth, as he was cheated on from his last gf, so, I don't think he wants to go through that pain again. He has mentioned to me as well, if I ever cheat on him, he's gone.

Also, I know he is more popular than I am, but on facebook, we are listed as "in a relationship" and I briefly met some of his friends and they know me as his gf.

It sometimes puts a little doubt in my mind, but I am pretty sure when I am with him, that he truly cares for me and that he will not act on his flirting.

Hope this helps!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009):

i'm a guy and i'm a big flirt. I wish i wasnt. I say if he truly cares for you he might try not to be. I hate my flirtness. i wish to get rid of it. My gf's Mom called me a flirt. Alot of people tag me as a flirt on facebook. Makes me feel bad. I have cheated on my gf. and she knows but she still dates me. but because my flirty personality she isnt comfurtable with me around any of my friends. Most of my friends are girls. I get really sad when i'm called a flirt. I like being outgoing but not flirtatous. : (

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2009):

I Have the same problem! i love my boyfriend with all my heart, but his flirting thing has gotten out of hand. i hate when these girls flirt with him, right in front of my face. they know he has a girlfriend and they really dont care. and he doesnt do ANYTHING about it, he lets them. he makes me feel horrible.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2009):

I've noticed a minor flaw in many of these responses, so here goes.

Men who are flirts, generally remain flirts for life.

No, it doesn't always lead to physical encounters, but it can, and usually does, result in stepping over the line at least once.

If your man loves you, genuinely, he will tell you when these things happen, it's when he hides it from you that it should be taken seriously.

Now, the flaw.

Most women here have said that once they talked to their man about their feelings, their men stopped:

Sorry. It is a fact that in the majority of cases that the flirting doesn't stop, but they make sure to do it in ways that they know are damn near impossible for you to figure out.

I know this is a painful bit of reality, but it's reality nonetheless.

I'm dealing with this issue with my boyfriend at the moment, and the problem with me is that I'm very forgiving and very patient.

I love him for him, pain and all.

Hope this helps.

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A female reader, MusicLova United States +, writes (18 August 2009):

Wow, these stories have helped me. Thank you all who've written about your flirty guys, and also to the people who are just giving advice.

My boyfriend of 4 years is definitley a flirt too. I know he loves me though 'cause he makes sure my daughter and I are taken care of. We've lived together for about 3 years now. He even sold his first "love", his bullet bike, so that he could get a down payment on our home the 3 of us have been in for almost 2 years now. He can definitley be very sweet to me, but sometimes he seems a little too sweet to other females too, and it has caused some fights before.

Generally, he is a very outgoing people person (as I've noticed alot of the bf's in these stories are, hmm...) and he'd been a ladies man/player his whole life pretty much. However, I was a bit of a player myself before I met him so I didn't really care about that when I first met him. Actually I didn't even think we'd be so serious.

Anyhow, sometimes it seems like when we go out it's like he naturally feels like he needs to go into his mac daddy/ charming guy role to make sure the lovely ladies are feeling good about themselves. It's a little uncomfortable when I'm standing or sitting right next to him and he's doing it though. Sometimes the girl will look at me like, "oh, wow I hope this isn't your boyfriend 'cause he sure is a flirt". Other times, they just kind of flirt and joke back like it's nothing. (Whew, just typing this makes me have a small anxiety attack.) Sometimes we'll be at a party and he'll like focus his attention on one particular girl and conversate with her, joke with her, and just pretty much be all up in her grill. Here's the thing though, sometimes he flirts with gay guys even. The last time it was a gay guy he kept doing things like grabbing him from his belt buckle while he joked about how cool his belt buckle was. I looked at the gay guys face when he did that and the guy was lookin' pretty excited.

Anyhow, I'm not gonna go too far into detail about everything and everytime he's flirted and what's happened, but pretty much it's been him flirting and it's gone as far as touching here and there (no where too inappropriate other than the belt buckle) and that's as far as I've "seen" it go. It's enough to have hurt me at times though, and I've talked to him a few times about it and he always tell me I don't have anything to worry about.

I feel like we've talked about it (and fought about it) enough to the point where it's not really doing any good 'cause that's just him. I told him last night that I don't even know what to say or do about it anymore except for maybe walk away and set my mind on something else because it'll just drive me crazy. I said it in a way to let him know I wasn't trying to make it a long conversation or fight about it, just was trying to let him know I'm tired of trippin' and I hope that he wouldn't do anything that he knows would definitely be too far. He smiled at me and said, he loved me and I don't need to stress myself out. He said I know he's an outgoing person and he flirts with alot of people even guys to make them feel good about themselves.

My conclusion, I can't stand stressin' especially when he's just gonna keep doing it, and especially when I know he does love me. Trust, is definitely a key in a relationship, but damn why do our flirty boyfriends have to test that trust like that? Hmmm, all I know is I will go ahead and trust him 'cause I do love him very much too but I will also not put up with too much bullshit. If I need to leave his ass to prove that to him, I will.

I want to say to all you who are worried about your flirting boyfriends (and girlfriends), there are plenty other guys (and girls) out there. I know it sucks going through break ups, being lonely, and wondering who he/she is with, but if you're gonna keep stressin' while you're with him/her anyway, might as well get it over with now. When you are emotional and showing that, then the other person knows that can have control over you. So please stop crying, either have trust 'cause you know he loves you or if you don't trust him and you're not even sure he really loves and cares about you like that then please leave his ass. Do it now. For those who think they can trust, I'm not sayin just trust and forget 'cause I know that's not going to be so easy, especially in the beginning. Instead, don't show him you are insecure, be confident in yourself (kind of like what one of the previous male writers explained in his advice). Write about your frustrations instead. Write to me personally if you want to: [email address blocked] We can talk!

Thanks for reading my story, i feel better getting it out.

Have a confident day ladies!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009):

my advice would be

dont 'get over it'

thats so stupid

why let someone get away with hurting you?

but really, if you flirt around as revenge it probably wont make any difference, he already enjoys talking to the other girls anyway?

tell him how u feel. Give him a chance

if he blows it, get rid of him ¬ ¬

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009):

I can relate to most of these comments..

Me and this boy have been going out for a couple weeks and he is very popular and attractive.. he has a lot of female friends.

Just recently he went on vacation to california and next thing i know he's having a wall-to-wall chat on Facebook with some busty blonde he obviously met on his trip. And this "chat" was anything but casual.. he was definitely being flirty.

Not only that but (literally) the only people that write on his wall are girls.

When he sees his female friends if we're out together he gives them a small hug.. is he just being friendly or...?

But what really ticked me off was him lying to me about where he was the other night. He texted me telling me goodnight and that he was going to bed (at about 11pm). HOWEVER.. next day I get on Facebook and a bunch of girls wrote on his wall "greatttt time last night" or "i beat you in ruit! you owe me ;)" or some crap like that. Clearly he was at a party. Thank you, Facebook.

I'm so confused. Even though we've been going out for a few weeks we're not "officially" in a relationship. Does this count for anything?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009):

Seriously dude. Get over it, some guys are just like that. Me and my boyfriend are BOTH like that. Neither of us can help it, cause we don't realize we're doing it. If you can't trust them because they flirt, then they might just not be for you. Me and my boyfriend BOTH hang out with people of the opposite gender alone all the time, we don't cheat. We both know who the other thinks about at night. Jealousy and distrust is what destroys a relationship, and a person. Keep that in mind.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2009):

All men are helpless. Stick to your guns, and don't take any double-standard bullshit. Now is the time where women can pay their own bills, have abortions, and influence the world. My man has been trying to see another woman during our own anniversary trip.This is what I feel:

During the time we were supposed to be planning our trip, you ditched me during dinner, talked on the phone outside for 20 minutes, talked on the phone inside for 20 minutes and planned her trip instead. Almost every day you talk about her. You already had her stupid postcards on your dresser, I know she send you stuff consistently. If you need another woman’s attention on you for your own self esteem, if I am not enough, if you don’t owe me any respect then we cannot continue a healthy relationship. There is a reason why this is causing so much stress, there is a reason why you and her do not live together anymore. Get with reality.

If one more insulting thing happens, if you or her makes any hint of condescending or rude action towards me your little visit will be over. I will explode and you will have hell to pay. The only reason I am not exploding yet is because I don’t think she is worthy of causing us to fight, however if you continue to insult me and this family – I will kick your ass. How dare you turn down our offer? How dare you!? Spending a lunch or an hour or two together when she visits is fine, but a whole fucking weekend?

We have already been on shaky ground lately and for you to have her come visit now is incredibly insensitive and bad timing. I haven’t seen a single male friend in over 2 years. Why? Because I respect this relationship and I don’t need male attention to feel like a woman. This is hurting me, this is hurting my parents, and this is hurting her. Do you really think she will be happy when I am with you guys every moment? No, because she has feelings for you and she doesn’t give a shit about this relationship. She probably knows how we were fighting lately, you probably broadcasted the fact you were single for an hour and now she is making her move. I am not like your exes and I am more than just a friend, so if you try to throw a tantrum about this, then you be sorry. Act like a responsible man, not a selfish college student.

I don’t care if you lived together, I don’t care how long you were friends, I don’t care if you feel like you owe her. This is our time together, and I am not about to help you have a relationship with another woman, especially since you don’t want to even meet my male friend.

On your part, its incredibly insensitive. You planned to see her in SF knowing I wouldn’t be there. You keep her memos on your dresser like a trophy, who know how many messages you send her online or talk to her on the phone. You planned her trip during our dinner, and when we should’ve planned the vacation. You hurt me, and my parents.

On her part, she doesn’t care about our relationship, spending the night in your house knowing you have a serious girlfriend WAKE UP this isn’t college hooking up.

If you try to spend anytime with her alone I will explode. You brought this upon us, so accept the consequences. If either you, she or I feel uncomfortable, the common dominator is you. And you will have the price to pay. Either keep it long distance or else.

There are a lot of guys that would kill to have a gf like me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2009):

I commented a couple days ago and tust me girls got outta the relationship if he is a flirt

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A female reader, bohemiantrash  +, writes (25 July 2009):

bohemiantrash agony auntyeah i know how you feel an eye for an eye thats what i always say next time you go out be extremely flirtatious with absolutely every guy that is how you get your point across to your guy he'll notice and confront you on it males being the strange creatures that they are and you can confront him as well he'll chill out on it if he doesn't then yeah it is time to move on because the last man i dated was flirtatious with every women he saw he ended up dumping me for some cheap tramp and came crawling back a week later because he couldn't stand not being with me or so he said i was more then happy to send him packing ;) good luck babe!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009):

Ok my bf is vey cute and has a outgoing personality and he knows lots of girls.But he says they are only friends. But one time we were at hanging out at this festival and my friends were ther and it was so much fun until these girls started flirting with him. and he flirted back. and this made me feel like crap. So i talked to him about it. he said that he loves me and they were friends from his old school and only freinds. so girlies dont try to get back at him by flirting with other guys cuz u already know how bad it hurts. To wrongs dont make a right

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A female reader, toosweet08 United States +, writes (17 July 2009):

my boyfriend was exactly the same way, when we would go to places where there was plenty of females, and hes a very good looking guy, he would flirt right back and when i would say something about it. He would say, your the one i want baby, im just a flirt. Turns out it was a little more then innocent. If your the jealous type..i would find a man that doesn't make you insecure. we broke up a little over a week ago, and its def for the best.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009):

hey everybody, WAKE UP! It is never a good sign if he is a flirt. Those boys never change, they will kill your self esteem and make you feel worse than you ever thought possible. The manipulation just sucks you in more. GET OUT!! It's hard but I did it and you will be amazed at how much your life improves. and there are sexy men out there who don't make you feel jealous and insecure. Just have trust. xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009):

my boyfriend is the same. see my boyfriend is "popular" among our friends and hes a big flirt. well if i were u i would turn the tables and flirt with someone else. if he notices u might notice that he flirts more. well that means he wants u to be jealous. but if u flirt with someone else and he doesnt notice then he doesnt care so dump him!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009):

My bf is a flirt too. Before I used to go mad thinking about his behavior all the time, but now i don't...i focus more on myself and kinda ignore what he does with other girls...i don't care much if my bf does that, but if my future husband does that, it will really HURT!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009):

yeah, my boyfriend flirts too and sometimes doesnt even tell them he has a girlfriend, which pisses me off so much.

so i'm just over it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009):

hey i have a boyfriend that never hangs out with me!he is always talking,flirting,and hanging out with other girls.Hey we have been together for about 2 to 3 years and the girls he flirt with now he only known for a couple of weeks!It's really getting me MAD!!I hope he will stop soon or i am going to end the relationship and get on with my life!

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A male reader, treehugger United States +, writes (18 March 2009):

I guess you can see from all the other responses that you are not alone. It seems we all go through this even when our boyfriends love us, want to be with us, don't want to lose us. It is especially hurtful when your girlfriends flirt back. They should know better (mine do it too!) I have lost several friends over this. I am the only one in my group who seems able to get boyfriends so they immediately latch on to him like he is theirs. And my boyfriends think it's great that not only do they get me but they get this bunch of girls to flirt with in the bargain. Even if my friends would never have even looked at him before we were together, all of a sudden they are all in it. I especially hate it when they add my boyfriends to their MySpace and vice versa or if they start having "inside jokes" that I am not in on. I just try to tell myself that my friends are just jealous of me because I have someone and it is sad and pathetic what they are doing. As for my boyfriend, I know that I am the best one of the bunch and if they screw up I am gone and they are going to be kicking themselves for being so stupid. Every boy I have ever broken up with has come back asking for forgiveness and another chance. We all just have to remember that boys are dumb creatures that can be distracted by a pretty face or big boobs or a nice butt. Give him a warning. Two if you feel generous. But after that, he needs to deal with the consequences and that is losing you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2009):

I can relate to all of you. I have been dating this boy for a few weeks now and I really like him. We've gotten pretty close and I cant imagine being without him. The one thing that really bothers me is that all the girls like him. Everytime I see him theyres girls looking at him the way I do and it drives me crazy. Sometimes he will hug them and treat them like theyre more important than me. Ive hinted to him about it and some of my freiends have even said thing a few things about it but everytime it happens he will say I would never do that to you and I never want to lose you, but then it happens again. About an hour ago a good friend of mine called me an said he saw my boyfriend flirting with another girl and hugging her. I know he has a flirtatious personality and he talks crap about all the girls who flirt with him to me, but it still really bothers me that hes so nice to them because i know how into him they all are. I have decided to give him a taste of his own medacine and see how he feels when I flirt back with my guy friends, hopefully he will pay more attention to me then.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009):

my bf flirts with one of my best friends...idk what it is. There was one time when I didnt think I was happy with him so I broke up with him. The next week he asked out one of my best friends. She was going to say yes, and when she told me that she was i thought to my self, "wow I really messed up" at that moment in time I realized that I wasnt happy without him. So I told her that I still loved him and I never stoped loving him but i couldnt date him. So once I told her that she told him that I still loved him but I couldnt date him. She told me that he still loved me and that he was sad and he thought that no one loved him the way I did. After that me and him didnt talk for a few days. Then he went to a friend of our's house. They were walking to his house, and I yelled his name as loud as I could. He looked around and saw me waving for him. He came running to me and asked nicly what I wanted him for. I said. "I want a hug from the most sweetest, loving, nicest, most caring guy that I've ever dated." He looked at me and in his eyes I could tell he just wanted to kiss me. He said to me "wow, I miss you, your calls, hearing your voice, seeing your smiling face, your warm hugs, and seeing your hand with my hand." I told him, "I'm not happy without you..." he looked at me and said, "I know baby, I want to be with you". Then I had to go and I didnt wanna let go of him but I had to. My friend saw me and him hug. My friend said, "wow you still love him dont you?" I told him, "i never stoped loving him." The next day I walked into school and right away he was behind me, i gave him this huge hug and said "i want you back." He looked into my eyes and said, "ok baby you have me back." he kissed me and I said, "I never wanna lose you again..."

Now about 2 months ago hes been real flirty with one of my best frineds and she flirts right back. She had told me that when I'm not around he acts like she's me...when I heard this I fell into tears. So now not only do I know he's flirting, the girl he's flirting with knows it too and she's doing it right back.

Today he told her that she looked good naked and that she was his other girl friend...

If this happens to you I would flirt with your cloest guy friend

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009):

i feel the same way i have been hurt many times and cheated on i am very insecure with any guy i am with he says he loves me but i guess i don't see it but when he flirts with other woman i feel as if he doesn't care how it affects me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009):

I dont know very well but it is happinning to me why not try flirting with other guys and it might help you get him of your mind for a little while.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009):

Weell, well, well.. Been reading thru all the coments. I can imagine the pain and jealousy women must go thru if this happens.

The reason why i got onto this page is i just needed some help with my worry.

I met my bf 2 yrs ago, from the first moment he was extremely friendly and warm and so nice to me, it looked quite unrealistic and i felt thats not kinda right.

Shortly after i met him he said to me he has a daughter with another woman who he does not longer lived with.

After that ive discowered he is married to another beauty who he would still lived with that time. Untill now i dont know how serious it was between them or what not. All i know is the "wife" was using him for her benefits, as he says. She kicked him from hers in march 2008, i remember the call i'd recieved as he said what happend. I instantly offered him staying at mine untill we decide whats next. It felt so strange to me living with him coz i never planed it yet and i was a bit furious havin him around even though we had been together for a year that time (not livin 2gether though). On the other hand i was very happy we could be always together not him just coming to mine when he could. He was so sweet and warm to me, so caring and well behaved from the very first moment he mooved in. Shortly after he got a van and could start an extra job for himself. From the time he mooved in with me his night time shifts got regular, not as before he would do so many "unpredictable extas or shift changes" especialy over the weekends. I always had so much problems with him about it as he never had time for me even on my day off, that was just a problem to him very often. Do you see where im coming from..

He started to realise i could always know his privacy more livin with me, and that effected him alot and me also. As i was livin with him now i expected him home at certain time which he never could make and we had never ending arguments about it even untill now. He never cares to bother to let me know he will be late or he can not make it home to take me out even though we planed something. Constant lateness, lies, arguments, agresivenes..

I knew even when not livin with me he lies, but i couldnt prove it, so i had to "keep my mouth shut", now living with me its different and he just can not cope.

From the time he moved with me he would never leave his two phones unatended on the table or anywhere else, always in his pocket and on silence or off. He would spend 20 minutes before coming home in the car bein on the phone. I foun out as ive looked from a window seeing him why he is not coming in after i heard the car. When i asked who he phoned he would shout at me so many times got agresive and gone with slaming the door.

Same with asking him why is his phone always in his pocket or on silence, i told him many times it doesnt make me feel comfortable. He always creates arguments when ever i try to talk to him abt matters that worries me.

Shortly after he mooved with me ive discovered he is havin an affair with his friend or ex. He had appologised and cryed and that made me to trust him and take him back.

The lies continued. Same again, being late, not caring, i was just a wind for him, phone in his pocket..

He would have a female calls right infront of me telling him they miss him. He always twisted it saying they are just friends and they need some help or just a chut.

I always end up like a fool.

He has stopped texting me regulary or phoning me thru the day as we used to, he stopped comunicating to me, totally ignoring me when aroud him, just watching the tv, he started to tell me off if i dont do the dishes or basic house cleaning, which never used to be a problem before, and it is not a reason to create an argument.

Sex life gone very poor also. He hasstopped giving me lifts to work, or collecting me from work, always saying he is still doing deliveries or fixing the van getting the pars done..

We have been thrue a few physical fights and he doesnt care if he hurts me or not.

So ive started to monitor him and that payed off.

He started to delete all his txts or calls dayly especialy coming home from the night shift. Byt once he has forgotten..

Under a male name on his phone such a flirty txts and warm stuff at any time of the day,same he used to text me when we met. I felt to puke. I was devastated and i had to go to work thet day shortly.

He just came home from work in the morning, kissed me went thru my hair came to bed, i had to get up coz it was my turn to go to work and he had another one at the same time.

I had to comfirm its a female by phoning the number. As i discovered it was his ex they split in 2005. Shocking!

After i told him we are finished he only said its my decision and he hasnt done anything wrong that its just my stupid mind.

He decided not leaving our flat, that he will stay in the other room. Shortly after ive discovered he is having another quite old woman on the phone with even deeper sexual needs and untill now i dont know what has he done with her or for how long.

Him being around its so difficult to me if i decided to split with him.

Ive tryed to talk to him in few occasions abt whole situation and how much he hurt me and if he could explane why has he done so much trouble to me. All he says is he needs a freedom and to find himself, that im too intimidating and bossy and he needs to live his life.

We have tryed to get back but it went wrong shortly after we just freshly started.

Im so not strong enough to go thrue this alone, he is just living his life infront of my eyes, im only hoping it wont happend him taking some female to have sex with at home, that would kill me. He has fixed his new room, bought new stuff and bed, listening to loud music or watching tv loud, loughting loud any time he wants to, banging with the doors, even my flattmate gets enoyed.

Well he had never suspicion at me i would always keep up to promises, bein honest abt my friends, my family knows him, i was the one who always waited alone at home on him, cooked for him, washed and made plans to go out with. Untill now i dont know any of his friends or family by person, only his work colleagues and his little daughter he has once a week.

That is my story and i would apreciate any kind of comment coz im so stuck and i know staying with him would never got better. I dont want to end it with him as i love him and i always hope in better even though im concern it wont work and we have to split.

Im just so not strong.

He is a player and he loves it knowing hurting me, im in love with him. He has offered to stay the best of friends to look out for each other, idiot!

It just amaze me what makes him to behave like this to women. Why cant he realize how much he is hurting others around. I totally dont understand him. Many times he mentioned he loves to chat to women. He used to flirt with online birds from all over the world inviting them to uk to meet up while being with me. If you see the online messages, si disrespectfull towards me. Yes i did found out and he was so ungry how could i go into his stuff on the computer. He loves watchin porn online also even though ive asked him to stop coz its hurting me.

If he could only understand what im trying to say every time i talk to him.

How to forget this guy? How to leave him with a good feeling and unhurt? How to ged rid off all my dark memories about him?

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A female reader, Poo_12 Mauritius +, writes (31 January 2009):

My situation is also the same, my boyfriend flirt with someone else. In parties, he left me and he like to hang up with his friend. He does flirting but behind my back. don't know what to say whether am fortunate to know this or not. despite knowing all these things I was unable to leave him and we are still together, he use to chat on MSN, flirt take about sex, but he never meet them out. so in this case what should I do? on 17 dec 08 i confirmed that he was fliting with my of m friend, he said he stopped but again I get to know he did the same with another girl, so to my understanding is my boyfriend not honest to me or the guy trying to flirt?

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A female reader, Caroline3242 United States +, writes (28 October 2008):

Here girl. If he is flirting. Tell him that is bothers you. and if he keeps doing it Flirt with guys or break up.

Listen to your heart. It will lead u in the direction you will need to go.

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A female reader, xxbrittanyxx United States +, writes (3 July 2008):

ok if your boyfriend is a flirt you need to tell him how you feel first off.you need to tell him im really not comfortable with you flirting right in front of my face.it's kind of disrepectful to me.Now if your mans not really flirting and he's just hugging girls don't confront him about some small stuff.Make sure you knowhe was flirting back with the girl also,because if he wasn't he's gonna think you were an over protective gf.

If your boyfriend doesnt repond to how you feel after you told him that you didnt like him flirting so much and you love him then give him a taste of his own medicine.flirt with another boy right in front of him just like he does with other girls.this isn't some type of game.it's just letting him know how you feel.Dont do it to much either or you and him might start argueing which is not the key.after you made him realize how you felt then he'll most likely come talk to you about flirting with the guyyou were flirting with but stay strong and dont say i don't know what your talkin about because first you'll be lieing and second you'll be playin a game with his feelings and your's.so just tell him how you were feeling and that you didn't know what else to do.Then after that has been said let him know that your not sure if the relationship can go on any longer if he is gonna keep hurtin you like that.let him know that he may not see how much it is hurting you but it really is,alot.or whatever you want to say.just be real and speak from your heart.youmight want to end this conversation with him, with a kiss so that he'll know that everything is back to normal and that you still love him...blahblahblah.excexcexc.

GOOD LUCK BYE!!!make it work.know whats wrong and whats right in you r every action threw this process.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

I hate when my boyfriend does that. Sometimes, i think he thinks that i'm okay with him non-stop talking to my friends and flirting with them constantly (like in a touchy, making fun of, immature way) because they are my friends. He doesn't even realize that I'm wanting him to stop and pay more attention to me and not my friends. I mean, if I'm your girlfriend, aren't I more important to talk to and make happy?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008):

yea mine too. like one time, we were at this one hotel party & that was like the first time we met this girl & we were all drinkin & shit. next thing i kno, she's grindin her ass all over him. i didnt say shyt about it bcus i thought that people r jus havin fun, instead, i went to dance wit this one guy too. lol. but yea, after that, i kinda found out that he & this girl are talking on myspace. i dont even talk to the girl even tho she added me on myspace too. but yea, is he bein flirtatious or just bein friendly or what?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008):

all of you have gr8 advice but it's really hard to get over the jealousy.But thanx the advice really helped me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008):

I have a bf and every girl likes him, but he promised me he wouldn't hug these girls any more. But he did so I am giving him one more chance. But he's such a flirt with every girl, what do I do? Please help. Thank you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008):

Lol

im the same

im boyfriend gets all mad about because im just an outgoing flirty preson i cant help

do you want your boyfriend too stop talking too people?

No so just get over i guess

he dousnt mean anything by it?

After all he is with you ?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008):

I have the same problem with my boyfriend. There is a girl he ALWAYS flirts with, and has not shown any consideration for my feelings. We have been dating for 10 months, and this began 6 months ago. It would even be one thing if he had known this girl before me, but he didn't meet her until then, and the problems just began then.

I think it's very disrespectful of him to do so, especially when he knows how much it hurts me, but it's gone this long, and I've come to the realization that I'm not going to be able to change him. Instead I need to focus on what it is I can do to make it tolerable for me.

My youth leader and I were talking about this problem, and he said that guys need to realize that woman need to feel special, and when men are flirting with other girls, that it doesn't make their girl feel special.

But he also told me to remember that there is a reason why he is with ME and not HER. Sure, in some cases the guy turns out to be the biggest jerk. But that's a whole other situation. He said I need to remember that everything will be okay. I also need to remember that God designed a guy out there exactly for me, and will be encouraging and uplifting. And that day will come one day.

But for now, we as woman need to remember that there is a reason why that guy is with US and not someone else. We need to remind ourselves that we're beautiful, be encouraging and positive around the guy, and focus on the good things of the relationship and forget the bad. Because a relationship will last easier through positiveness.

HOWEVER; if it is too difficult to deal with, just break it off. Don't keep telling yourself things will change. Every person has faults; you just have to find the faults that you can learn to live with, and if you can't live with it, you need to realize that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008):

seriously, i used to get sooo super jealous whenever my ex-boyfriend would flirt with other girls. it made me feel like he wanted them more than me.

i got jealous and pouty and THATS the reason he's my EXboyfriend. seriously girls, if he's with you, theres a reason. and im not saying there arent some guys out there who cheat, but if youve picked out a good guy who happens to be naturally flirtatious, DONT WORRY ABOUT IT. youre only going to end up pushing him away.

so have fun, be confident, flirt with guys, but dont whine and complain that theyre getting more attention than you. its only going to come off as annoying and needy - two things MOST men hate.

believe me too, it works. now my new boyfriend was just as flirtatious when we started dating, but we've been dating now for a year and a half and seriously, it just stopped. once he said he loved me, he showed it. he told me he didnt need to flirt with anyone else because he had ME.

so just be confident and do the same thing he does! guys LOVE confident, happy women.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

I am in a long term relationship, and am constantly accused of flirting with women. If I speak to a woman, then I am flirting. It seems that every look, movement, word out of my mouth is considered an act of flirtation by my gf. There is a point where it seems that women exaggerate what they see, based on their insecurities. It is not my duty to MAKE my girlfriends feel secure. Our relationship is strong. I let her know that she is the only woman for me, the only one I love and the only one I will ever come home to.

It seems as though I am in a no win situation. No matter how stand-offish I behave to other women-In and out of my girlfriends company- I am always the asshole, I am always the flirt. I am not her master-- she can talk to whomever she wishes, and i have full confidence that she will be by my side, always leave with me. That doesn't mean that she can go flirt, but I know her intentions, as she knows mine. She freely talks to guys and has instant friendships with them, but the moment I start to have a conversation with a woman, she is tugging me away and giving the girl a "get off my boyfriend" look. I curbed my flirting long ago. Sometimes it isn't your man. Sometimes it is you. Not all men just flirt with women continuously, or are insecure and need to pump their ego. If you have a respectful relationship, then communication and understanding should work both ways. Double standards and controlling behaviors are both immature and a huge turn off.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008):

If he has invested enough in your relationship he will adapt his behaviour to please you. If he will not do that I would say he must be getting more pay-off in exchange for being charming to other girls. Plus he is making you jealous, which may be a reason for doing it too.

He is saying "Watch out and be good, as you can see I am always aware of alternatives to you even though I am happy with you. You should be grateful to have me".

It would make me constantly jittery and unable to relax as it does you, which is not a blessing that he has bestowed on your relationship.

He enjoys the attention he gets from these girls more that he would enjoy your gratitude at having him listen to you and value your feelings.... it seems

My partner gives my best girl freinds a big bear hug and makes them feel good about themselves. I don't feel bad because I know he does it for me as well as them; he knows I like them to like him and for them to feel valued as our joint frineds.

If he started flirting with people who don't matter, or who are transient in our life I would wonder why he was wasting the effort.

You could do the same and I also think you should give him a taste of his own medicine. Wear some sexy stuff, start chatting to other men to make them feel good. It would do you good too.

If he cares about humanity does he give time and money to charitable work? I suspect not. That is caring for humanity? His behaviour is self-centred and shallow, simply flexing a charm muscle. Up to you to decide whether you can stick it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2008):

i think that if you are happy in your relationship, you need to flirt with other women. i also think it is a childish immature act as the woman below me posted.

flirting is more a plead for attention and is often the calling card for a very insecure guy.

think about it, if he was really mature, would he be willing to risk the love of someone in order to get the attention of female friends/co-workers/party goers.

do not play games with him. know you can do better. believe it or not, there is this whole weak male ego thing where weak men compete with women and try to bring them down because they are so sad or depressed or cannot achieve whatever they want in life.

find a secure man. don't play games with this loser.

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A female reader, Blooregard +, writes (8 January 2008):

My advice would to be treat him like a child, don't take it seriously. A belittling attitude will put him off it, the next time he flirts with some girl, roll your eyes and laugh or smile mockingly (not a huge cackle, he may think you've lost your mind!).

Complaining about how he acted with a girl, will make it seem more serious, if you just sit back and openly marvel at his immaturity, it will backfire for him horribly and he will look like the biggest fool in the room. This will set his defenses up. He flirts to excercise his masculinity and when you laugh at him everytime he tries to do that, trust me on this, he will stop and realise that if he is that insecure YOU KNOW IT.

That and, if anyone openly flirts with you in front of him, guilt trip him like crazy by not responding to their flirtation. I don't care how nice looking the guy is, show you are better than him and that you are far more grown up.

If he says "that guy was all over you" say "My confidence doesn't need any more inflating" that will be the final nail in the coffin of his behavior, and all will be well again!

Very best of luck, you can do it!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007):

Dont worry i have the same problem with my boyfriend. Before i asked him out he had quite a bit of girls that would always flirt with him. And one of my best guy friends told me that he had a girlfriend but that still didnt stop me. When i asked him out he looked relieved!!!! But when i go to school in the mornings and i look at him he doesnt even ackknowledge me at all and hes always with a bunch of girls that always flirt with him. He also always flirts with girls rite in front of me and i dont know what to do? I cant help but to be jealous. I dont want him to think that im too clingy. I mean i like him allot and weve only been dating for a couple of days. Hes just got these big brown eyes that make you smile whenever you look at him. Im white tho and hes indian and i no well at least i think i no that he doesnt want to hurt me. I dont know how to tell him that i dont like him flirting with other girls. Its kinda just wants to make me cry!!!!

But i think that if you wanna no if the guy really likes you go up to him and talk to him. Heres a technique that i learned how to do on a guy when he asks you a question (but you only have five seconds to do it) stare into the black part of his eyes. (the last 2 seconds) answer his question. If he liike you he will stutter with his words. Or he will have sweaty hands. That is how you will know. I hope it works for you as it worked for me a quite a few times.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007):

I know exactly what your talking about. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now and it has been great. We have the perfect relationship, except for this other girl problem. He is so flirtatious naturally, and I definitely am not. So he doesn't know what it feels like to watch someone you love flirt with other people. I would first suggest talking to him. Tell him exactly what hurts you and give him examples. If he really cares about you he will fix it right away. I would also just ask him if he likes being around you more than other girls. If he says yes, tell him that it doesn't seem like it and that he needs to change that. That you deserve better. I hope this helps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

I completely understand. My boyfriend is the same way and I hated it at first but then i realized i was probably over exagerate what I see. I'm not sure about you, but i know i flirt with other guys, not meaning too. And my boyfriend cant even notice his flirting. Well, if you like him enough, just dont pay attention, because in the long run, its going to happen, and unless he starts telling other girls their hot or something, I don't think you have much to worry about. Good Luck!

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A male reader, look United States +, writes (23 October 2007):

EVERY GIRL ON THIS SITE:

What are you looking for?

Do you still look at every girl and guy (also known as persons)

Simple asnwer is no. You don't even notice average looking girls or average looking guys for that matter. I think that you have focused on only girls, for that matter only attractive girls. You probably don't even see guys you probably only look for girls.

I think that if you are spending more time worrieng about your man than you did worrying about other girls this problem would dissapeer. I promice the girl that is trying to take your man isn't looking at you.

That's right. When you got your man the only thing you were thining about was how much you wanted him.....Well if that's how you got him why don't you think that's how you will keep him?

That's exactly how you keep him.

Men don't want jeolous women. They don't want WIINIE women. They just want their own women. Their own confident cocky sexy viberent woman. And you are that. You only started Wyyyning when you had him. Trust me you were happier when you first had him. And that's what made him choose you. So what makes you think that that's not what he's looking for not?

Just do that. Be sexy, selfish, and yourself. Quit changing. Do what you would do if you were the woman you THINK he is looking at. TRUST ME HE IS STILL LOOKING (BUT NOW HE'S LOOKIG AT YOU). he cant help it.

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A male reader, look United States +, writes (23 October 2007):

EVERY GIRL ON THIS SITE:

What are you looking for?

Do you still look at every girl and guy (also known as persons)

Simple asnwer is no. You don't even notice average looking girls or average looking guys for that matter. I think that you have focused on only girls, for that matter only attractive girls. You probably don't even see guys you probably only look for girls.

I think that if you are spending more time worrieng about your man than you did worrying about other girls this problem would dissapeer. I promice the girl that is trying to take your man isn't looking at you.

That's right. When you got your man the only thing you were thining about was how much you wanted him.....Well if that's how you got him why don't you think that's how you will keep him?

That's exactly how you keep him.

Men don't want jeolous women. They don't want WIINIE women. They just want their own women. Their own confident cocky sexy viberent woman. And you are that. You only started Wyyyning when you had him. Trust me you were happier when you first had him. And that's what made him choose you. So what makes you think that that's not what he's looking for not?

Just do that. Be sexy, selfish, and yourself. Quit changing. Do what you would do if you were the woman you THINK he is looking at. TRUST ME HE IS STILL LOOKING (BUT NOW HE'S LOOKIG AT YOU). he cant help it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

My boyfriend flirts with loads of other girls. Before I started going out with him this girl was into him A lot, and now that I go out with him she still flirts with him A lot and he flirts back and it makes me feel sad. I know I'm just jealous but I don't know what to do because I don't even know how to flirt..but when he's with me and he just goes and squeezes another girls arse I hate it. and people come up to me and say 'I saw your boyfriend touching another girl earlier' and I've told him how I feel and he says 'its harmless' but it hurts me..it is harming me..but he says he's not going to stop, but i love him so much I don't want to break up with him..I just want him to stop..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007):

Ladies -- all of you, including the one who posted --

I have found that my sensitivity to my boyfriend's flirting -- and my worries about his ex-girlfriends hanging around, the girls he calls his friends, etc -- has gone up a lot as we have dated longer. This leads me to think two things: 1) as I grow more attached and fond of him, I know I'd lose more if he were to leave me, and thus really, this is all in my head -- and 2) as our relationship grows and changes, from being a flirtatious, fiery fling that satisfied all his flirting needs to a solid, caring, mutually respectful relationship, his innate need for a little mixing it up has resurfaced. So, it's part reality, and part invented.

That realization has helped me take a step back and think: what is actually going on in this situation? His coworker just flirtatiously batted him in the arm, and he smiled back. What would I have done in that situation? It's helped me to understand that his love for me is different and deeper than his flirtation with other women.

It also helped me express my worries to him. I asked him, for example, "objectively, did you think you were flirting back there?" and he was able to think about in in a way that was removed from my feelings. We talked about what behaviors look suspicious to me, and what look suspicious to others. We have been able to find a compromise that doesn't limit his ability to talk with women and be friendly -- the subjectively hurtful stuff, which I am able to overcome now -- but prevents him from behaving in a way that is outrageous.

The one thing I'm hearing over and over in these comments, however, is women expressing their needs and their men getting defensive and accusatory. That is, to me, a sign mostly of bad communication. Women, how are you expressing your needs? Are you doing it in a nonviolent, non-accusatory way? If so, if your men won't hear you talk about your feelings, you've got a different problem in your relationship -- and it's not about the other women.

Good luck to all.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007):

What's wrong with a bit of flirting. It's not flirting to pull. As a man, it's nice to get some attention some times - but it doesn't mean you are h=goingto do anything about it! Why do women always think you are trying to pull someone else when you are talking to them. Maybe i am intersted in what they have to say - doesn't mean i want to jump into bed with them! I love you - remembre that! If you are jealous, don't get angry - that's just annoying - play him at his own game and talk to another guy(although he's not really playing any games - just being sociable & friendly!). Of course, there are always boundaries, one should never cross. But it annoys me that if you are sociable, you get penalised. Am i gay if i talk to another man?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007):

It's wrong because some guys think it's okay to hang out at bars with all different random girls drinking whether it be friends or new girls. It's weird because if I did that guys would be crawling all over me just trying to get with me. It could never work bc "one thing leads to another" if you are alive. My guy thinks it's ok for us to hang out with other people at bars and he thinks flirting is okay. He's a fool bc I'm leaving him. Who trusts that ? Hey if I'm out with other guys that I'm attratcted to and getting drunk with regularly, then I'm dating other people. It's stupid, they should just be true to the one they love and show some committment.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007):

It's wrong because some guys think it's okay to hang out at bars with all different random girls drinking whether it be friends or new girls. It's weird because if I did that guys would be crawling all over me just trying to get with me. It could never work bc "one thing leads to another" if you are alive. My guy thinks it's ok for us to hang out with other people at bars and he thinks flirting is okay. He's a fool bc I'm leaving him. Who trusts that ? Hey if I'm out with other guys that I'm attratcted to and getting drunk with regularly, then I'm dating other people. It's stupid, they should just be true to they one you love and show some committment.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007):

I think you should talk to him about it first. My boyfriend does this. It is definitely his personality and I don't think he notices when he flirts. But I can tell the girls he's flirting with totally wants him! I tried to conceal my feelings because he called me jealous and said most of his past girlfriends got super jealous too and I didn't want to be like them. But I realized its for a reason!! We can't all be stupid. I'm going to tell him my real feelings now and if he can't modify his behavior to respect my feelings, then he's not worth it. I will have to move on. I would suggest you do the same.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007):

ok i dont agree with the staring into eyes/kissing them or anything! i dont mind my boyf talking to other girls as long as its just chat!

however one night this girl that fancies him was talking to him and next thing she was pushing him and he pushed her back! i was sitn with his and my friends and i was like ok its not really that im insecure its more the fact of a humiliation! how dare he disrespect me like that!? He said they were just messing and he's known her for yrs that she's like his lil sister (she 19 and he 23) but its just cos i know shes after him that the playfulness bothered me!

I left and went home with my friends (it was the end of the night anyway). He'll think twice next time! seriously you dont have to take shit from men - ok maybe i was a bit harsh.. but you need to lay down the boundaries! now he knows if hes flirting that touchyness is inappropriate

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A female reader, [email address blocked] United States +, writes (18 July 2007):

I am going through the same thing. I feel if a man cannot respect your wishes,after you told him how much his flirtatious ways bothers you, than it is time to let him go. I know men flirt, that is part of their nature, but when it is done to humilate the girl they are in a relationship with, than that is plain disrespectful. I went away with my man on a trip, and the things he said to this older women just blew me away, the touchy feely, i was just very disqusted. He got mad at me because I was upset, I love myself too much to compromise my happiness and i know i will find someone who will appreciate me. He needs someone who can handle his behavior, and i just can do it anymore. When we i got back home i ended it with him. Now when he flirts it wont be my problem anymore. Ladies men only do what you allow them to do. Always remember that! It makes no sense to go out with a man who would rather cherish a friendship with a stranger than his own girl, than is just plan crazy.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007):

You have to understand that these men are not right in the head. Who knows why they act this way. The point is that they should not do it because they have a gf, you. If it bothers you and they know this, then they should stop it. If not, say bi bi.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007):

Hello there. The same problem caused me to break up with my bf (now my ex bf). I knew him as a friend for a few months and I really liked him enough to get into the relationship. After we got together, I noticed that he makes jokes a lot and flirts with girls around him all the time. Girls were calling him when I was there. And when we went out, he acted like I was not his girlfriend.

One day, with a gathering at his friend's house, I saw the same problem. When we got home I had a real serious talk with him. He said he understood and he wouldn't do it again, but he did it again. He acted as though I never even had the talk with him. So, I went home and emailed him (this was the easiest and best way it seemed) that even though he is fun to be with at times, I can't take the disrespect that he had been giving to me. I told him that it is not working out and that he should not call me anymore. And that was that.

Girls, if this is bothering you, just break it off. Don't wait for them to change. YOu can't change them. They want to flirt, let them, but without you there!!! Break it off early b4 you feel like you have given too much to the relationship. Find someone who will respect you the same way you will respect him, or even more. After all, we are the ones who give birth to their babies. That is not an easy! There are many wonderful men out there. So just end it with the little boy you have now, because seriously, that is middle school stuff.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007):

i have a boyfriend too, he is quite a flirt, i hate it. but i love him alot, and i know for sure he wouldn't like me flirting with any other men. ugh guys can be jerks.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2007):

Oh THAT old chestnut *yawn* - men who flirt infront of their partners are disrespectful, and they will ALWAYS have an excuse (it's harmless, it doesn't mean anything, I just love women..etc), but it does mean something if it upsets your partner. If I flirted and my man was upset by it, I'd involve him more, maybe 'flirt' (be friendly) but make sure my arm was round him,you get the picture.

My man is as flirty as you like, and I hate it, cos he's not doing it with me. It's partly insecurity I admit that, but flirt with me more for gods sake!! It makes me feel unimportant, like Im not worth flirting with, like the fire has gone out so he needs somebody else to give him a buzz. If I ask him about it (and I never shout or accuse) all i get is shouted at and "you're jealous". Thing is, not that I'm into head-games, but it wouldn't bother him at all if I was like it with other men. I dont know if I can cope with it any more. He's the best man I've ever had and I dont want to give him up, but it makes me angry and unhappy, and doesn't exactly make me feel sexy!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007):

I'm sorry to have to say this, but most of you sound like wimpy insecure women. Do you really want your guy to act differently than who he really is when he is with you? Geez - that is so phony - you are living a fantasy not reality! If you picked someone who was a good fit for you in the first place you either wouldn't be having any of these petty jealousies and would be confident about yourself in your own right, or you would be ok with it - and not try to take it into any more meaning than is on the surface. It's flirting ladies, not sex! Get a grip!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007):

well i have the same problem and i think he likes the girls but he just doesnt know how much it bugs me and then i sat him down and told him it was kinda making me jealous and he cut the flirting down a whole lot so just tell him your feelings and if he really likes you and wants you to be his grilfriend he will stop and if he keeps doing it justy tell him agian how you feel and then thet next time tell himit is not going to work between you to if he does not cut the flirting down and if he doesnt stop just end it there are plenty of fish in the sea i am sure another guy will respect that you get jealous ok best of luck to biie!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007):

I had a boyfriend who would focus on any woman that he found interesting at a party .. he would ignore me, even pretend I did not exist, he would spend the entire party talking to her and giving her attention and showing how well he listened and understood her.. I would agonize. Some friends told me that he was only doing it to get adulation and in order to do that he needed to give it too, because he was very insecure .. and as a result I became insecure when I went anywhere with him .. and wondered why I was there in the first place and was very embarrassed about it.

I told him how I felt. He had been treated like that by an ex-girlfriend of his own and so he understood but told me I had nothing to worry about and that I was just jealous and continued to exclude me as a person from his conversations with others even when there were only 3 of us. On occasion some guys would flirt with me and I would respond with only politeness but it would make him very angry.

Bottom line .. anyone as insecure as he was.. so insecure that his ego came first by a country mile than how I was made to feel .. is way .. way too insecure to be in a relationship. We split up and I do not flirt when I am with a boyfriend or even a date .. and I will not be with someone who does not understand that there is being charming and polite and even complimentary is fine but real flirtation is just not acceptable when your mate is there ... (or hopefully when they are not) ...

I know a lot of this is common place .. but that is just a degenerative behaviour... it's not kind to your mate and you will both pay for it in the end.

Dating is about showing how well you will treat each other, and marriage is about even more of the same ... when did it become a competition?

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A female reader, fairlady United States +, writes (7 March 2007):

My man is a very friendly person who is good to me in so many ways. He is just naturally curious about others. It bothers me that he stares at other women so much. I tell him staring is not considered politically correct. (To me, it seems like if someone has enough of a life of their own they are not so overly interested in strangers). I am afraid to develop friendships with women because he bends over backwards to be so nice to them and they start thinking he isn't happy with me and would rather be with them. This causes my relationships with women to end. So I feel like I have to make a choice...staying with him.....or having friendships with women. (He is very generous financially and makes my life easy and enjoyable in this way). So for the last seven years, I have chosen to be with him for the benefits and just try to live with the way he is.

Recently I was friendly with a woman who works at my favorite grocery store until he started being even friendlier with her. Now she thinks he is after her. I stopped shopping there for the last few months but when we went there together today, he was friendlier than ever to her! She got all flushed at the overly friendly attention he gave her and was very aware of his interest in her. I have decided I will not shop there anymore with him. If I want to shop there, I will do it by myself. When we were on a cruise recently, there were two older widows at our table. They developed friendships with me but when we dined for the last time together, he kissed one of them goodby. The other men at our table gave me a hug at the most. He says he doesn't kiss women but he is wrong. A good friend of my mother's was surprised that he kissed her on the lips when he met her for the first (and only) time.

He was a widower when I met him seven years ago. He married me shortly after we met because another man was interested in me. We had to get a divorce in less than a year because his two adult daughters resented his marrying someone their own age and spending the family inheritance they were supposed to get. He said his late wife was always mad at him when they went out with other people. So he stopped wanting to socialize if he was always being criticized. She had been a prize when he married her in the late 1940s but she gained a lot of weight due to illness over the years.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007):

at first i thought my bf didnt notice he was always flirting, including right in front of my face. i talked to him about how insecure i am about it, however a while after, he started talking to (and touching, and paying more attention to) a few certain girls i'd told him about specifically. it hurts a lot because it seems like now he knows how he acts and he simply doesnt care. i love him so much but i dont know how to get over it because it really hurts.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006):

My boyfriend flirts like crazy to I just have to remember he's going home with me. Besides it helps his ego. I tell him I don't flirt because I am very sure of myself.

Kelly

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006):

Sorry dont know how to answer that, because l have the same problem.........and lm so jealous that its going to destroy my relationship, but hes not helping!!!

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A female reader, Dyahmond1 +, writes (27 July 2006):

Men who flirt do so out of need. It feeds their ego/sense of self esteem. If you have the flexibility for tolerating this, then it is fine.

However, there is something called 'respect.' And it should be a non-negotiable requirement on your part, for yourself. Tell him that you understand that a man in a relationship may look at other women, and you are fine with that part. But, you consider it disrespectful for a man to flirt--and do so openly--in front of you. Or to even flirt with someone, when he is alone, to the point that he is essentially playing with fire.

As for his statement that he does not notice the other women flirting with him. How can he then say he "flirts back to be nice?" Hhmmm? And as for nice, exactly how is he obligated to be "nice" to someone else, when it amounts to being unkind and rude to you--his girlfriend?

Deliver your message and point with confidence and poise. Practice it first, if you need to do so. Pay attention to his feedback, and your feelings about it. If he is dismissive, excuses it, rationalizes it, or accuses you of being "insecure/nag/etc., it may be wisest for you to dismiss him as well. But if so--do it with style and class.

I always like to encourage women... Know your value. And do not trade in or down on it. Some guy out there will be able to see, appreciate, and respect your value. But that is IF--and only IF--you yourself never forget it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006):

my boyfriend is doing the same exact thing. i HATE IT. except, it's not just limited to him flirting with other girls. some of my friends flirt with him too. usually i just try to look away, but some of my other friends talk to him and all these random girls message him and talk to him and his friends that are girls he gets flirty with a LOT.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2006):

maybe if you start flirting with other boys he might see how you feel or you can have a chat to him about it and tell him how you feel he will understand if he really loves you!!!!xxxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2006):

hey sweetheart hes not just flirting i think hes trying to cheat on you so if he is being suspicious if you see phone numbers from other girls or him talking on the phone with other girls the way he talks to you that means he is very unfaithful because trust is a very important thing in a relationship.

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A female reader, Sirena +, writes (11 May 2006):

Thank you very much for your answers. But the problem here is that i already talked to him about the flirting thing that hurts me, and he says he can help it, he "loves humanity" and he will allways will. But "humanity" includes all sortes of women. And the ways of showing it up is ignoring me almost completly to pay attention somewhere else. I had tried some estrategies, like not looking at when he is flirting. But even in those times something happens. Last time in a party a woman came to me and said: you know youre boyfriend is trying to get me drunk giving me the free drinks? (it was cause he was the bar tender, and to the ban musician girls he decided to give all the drinks for free). The other day a woman that i had just met, found out that he was my boyfriend. It seemed to me she was realy shy, but she came ans said to me: "oh! he is so nice, so nice, so nice! At the time she was smiling in front of me. In the moment i knew he had flirted to him and i felt so vulnerable. I have to told him to stay away from the people i am meetting because he is spoiling my friendships.

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A female reader, carolinagirl +, writes (11 May 2006):

My fiancee is such a flirt, too. I never thought he was like this until the last few months. I caught him stroking girls ponytails and often touching their backs and arms. He explains this as friendliness, but it's not how I act!! And, this man is to be my husaband in a few months? By far, this is my biggest compaint of him. Close friends tell me it's harmless, but I can't help to be jealous.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2006):

He flirts and says its just being "friendly", it hurts me so much.He looks into her eyes, smiles to them, touchs them, holds them, pays them total attention. Some of them -he says- already know him so they know he is just being friendly. But some others think he is making a pass on them. To her closer "friends" he kiss them in the lips at the time he holds them tenderly an look into their eyes, just in front of me!!!!!! What can i do????

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2006):

All of you have great advice, same thing with my guy. I think its because men always feel some level of insecurity and are not as "secure" as some of themselves make them out to be. I've read all your advice and I'm going to tell my boyfriend tonight.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2006):

Just tell him how you feel about him flirting with girls

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006):

I totally have this exact same problem. my bf is a nice guy, and says he is lucky to have me, and i was flattered to here that. However he left school with a lot of girl mates, and from time to time he goes to the cinema with his best girl mate-alone.I cant help but feeling left out and jelous. But at the same time i feel i cannot break a gd relationship with his friend(s). He also hugs a lot of girls in front of me all the time and i just feel akward and hurt, i hate that feeling. It got to me so much that i spilt from him. I felt i needed the break but missed him loads. After a month we got back together, and soon again he was the same old gary. Its just the way he is. He doesn't rub it in my face but its just the back seat feeling isn't it? I care a lot for gary he treats me well. The way i dealt with it is going out with my girl mates- and yea i found guys to flirt with there. I had a great time, u gotta flirt i have been deprived for at least a year now lol! I sometimes flirt with his mates with him there, i no he doesn't always like it as he is protective. After all that my advice is to go out and enjoy being flirty but dont push it. just so it feels good. flirt a little in front of him but dnt go to far in you anger, just enough 4 him to get a taste of his own medcine! Altherwise he won't understand why u are being so flirty. His probably not aware how it makes u feel. I've been there. rub it too much in his face and it can caused arguments.My comman asnwer was 'don't be silly thy r only friends i'm just a funny guy i get on with girls better then other guys'Its a attention thing which isn't easy to change! Best answer is to make a compramise, through flirting a little back. And just show him that u enjoy being with other ppl just like he does. I tried doin the moody being 'off' with him thing, but that just wound him up and we argued again. its a hard lesson to learn if u want it to work try my advice an d really stick with it its hard but worth it if u love him!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2005):

If your boyfriend is flirting w/ other girls too much, than you should start flirting w/ other guys, if he gets mad, breaks up w/ u, or doesn't notice that you're doing it, than just tell him how you feel

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2005):

Funny thing is that I don't have a problem with my boyfriend looking at other women. It's when he does it when he's with me that's the problem. The way I see it is that he has a lot of time when he's not with me to look all he wants. I think that if a guy stares at other girls when he's with, you he's just begging for attention or trying to get a rise out of you. You should tell him how you feel about the situation. If he can't respect you enough to at least try to tone it down when he's with you, then you know it's because he likes to see you feel bad about yourself.

If your boyfriend is just a flirt by nature (some guys just have a personality that will attract females) don't try to change him, if you can't deal with it now, it's not going to get any better. Just let him know that your not tring to change who he is, but if it continues, his personality might be better suited for someone else (trust me, a man can sense if your threat is bs, they can also sense if your not afraid to let them go). Truth is there are plenty of girls out there that don't mind if their boyfriend looks, and there are plenty of guys out there that can control their stares when they are around you. Its all about give and take. Don't expect perfection, expect respect.

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A reader, Tiana Feltus, writes (4 January 2005):

I think you should get a new boyfriend,because it is going to be hard to get over him.But you got to do whats best for your self.I went through the same thing he use to try to talk to anything that walk past him. But I just told him thats not right so he stop doing it and we was all cool. But no one likes for there man to be looking at other females.So just talk to him and see what he says and if not find someone who going to kind about you.This is how I feel you got an girl why you need to look at other girls.He can flirt with you,you is his girl.

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A reader, TIsh, writes (3 January 2005):

When your in a serious ralationship and your man flirts-thats trouble. If he can't commit to you now, he will always be flirty. Even if you think you can trust him - you can't trust other girls. The only flirt for one reason, and that is to pick up guys. Other girls don't care if he is already in a relationship. Tell him how you feel, if he isn't willing to change, I think it is time for you to change your man.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2005):

my boyfriend does the same exact thing. i talked to him about it, but i dont think he notices when hes doing it. so instead of freaking out, just do what i did and make yourself even more desirable to him, by maybe flirting more, or improving yourself in the bedroom, and hell forget to look at other women because hes way too preoccupied checking you out! it worked for me!!

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A reader, Ashley, writes (2 January 2005):

My boyfriend has the same problem but don't worrie yourself over it they do this because they need to know that their still attractive to other females. i know you dislike it and believe me no one likes it but all you can do is let him know it bothers you. he may try to stop but some men don't relize it and others do it to boost their egos i hope i helped you

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