A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My fiance has 3 daughters in early 30s all with huabands and kids. They have been so a abusive verbally to me and finally have begun treating their father the same he has just cut off any contact with them. Now they are accusing me of breaking up their family all over on social media calling me foul names and even have his ex involved. I love him and can totally understand he just doesnt want to deal with their drama and bullying. My problem is it hurts me deeply and I feel being involved with someone means it includes their kids also. There is no way at this point I will ever be comfortable having them around me ever again. I dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2014): Hi, origional poster of question here. Thank you all for your responses. No I did not know him when he was married and they have been divorced for over 20 years. She was married to someone else for a long time however while my guy was in prison her husband apparently left her and she did start putting my fiance pictures in her fb thing and placing remarks on the pics but I didn't pay it much mind. I know my guy is not interested. The thing that really seemed to set all of them off was when I told them I had been saving ALL texts both mine and theirs (3 telephones full) so he was able to read exactly what transpired. Its just all a pathetic mess and I have done the blocking and changed number it just makes me sad. I tried to do my best and tried to tell them they were pushing him away it isn't me that has caused him to not want to contact them. I just hate being blamed for something like this. I have given a few openings just to get the same treatment now I feel like there is no need to do it again. That is why I struggle with it. To be threatened with words of going to make my life miserable and promising to f---- with me as long as I am with their dad. Now to the point that the threat has been made to their dad just because we are happy and not gonna let their drama engulf our lives like it used to, I feel like walking and not looking back is only sane choice. The one who made the threats has restraining orders on her from her own friends. It is a real weird situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2014): So I guess the obvious question is where you in fact communicating with him whilst he was with her? Even so called 'innocently' ?
If so then they have reason to dislike you as you had no business doing that . This doesn't excuse their bad behaviour of course. If they were mature then they would just tolerate you and keep their feelings to themselves or have nothing to do with you
If you didn't meet this man till after they split then you are justified in feeling hurt that they dislike you for no reason
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2014): Well never say never. They are his kids therefore once they stop with their stupidity, if they ever come around and behave in a civilized fashion, then you are going to have to accept them again.
Best thing to do is give them no reaction. Cause they are trying to taunt you and your fiancé. So when they don't get the result they want, which is a reaction, they will stop.
I think it's important for their dad to express to them that he loves them but he won't tolerate their behavior. And leave it at that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): Number one, they are ADULTS! Not kids. If your finance' has chosen not to deal with their shenanigans, why are you even bothered?
I'm very sorry that this is not the ideal situation; but when you're dealing with adults, you stand your ground. If they speak rudely to you, have nothing else to do with them.
They're angry, because bringing a new wife into his twilight years of life, means all his assets, life insurance, and property goes to his surviving spouse. They're trying to spook you out of his life.
It's not you, it's the fact he's an older gentleman; and they're just waiting him out. Why else would they be so mean to him, and so concerned about you? They should be happy their dad has found someone to love and care for him now that he's older. What the hell does his ex-wife have to do with anything? You can tell that old hag to stick it where the sun don't shine.
Be tough, and just let them bounce-off. They'll give up over-time, and realize it's better to be nice to you. Keep your distance, and kill them with kindness. Don't let them see you sweat. Be a classy lady, hold your head high, and stand by your man. They don't get to choose who their father decides to marry. He asked you, you said yes, and that's all that matters.
Best wishes to you! Live long and prosper!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): You asked this question a few days ago. All you can do is block them on social media, change your cell phone number if necessary and avoid them as much as possible. You have been a great support to your partner
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 December 2014):
 I myself can handle not having relationships with any possible step children. I just pretend they don't exist. Your fiance though, has to risk them never coming around to accept dad having a new wife. He cut off contact and did that out of love for you. He thinks it is worth it to have someone who loves him for who he is, if it means releasing people in his life who does not support his life goals. It is up to you to love him despite limitations and not having a big family for gatherings and to celebrate occasions with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2014): This is a difficult situation. Do you know why they treat you this way? Is there a reason such as you had an affair with their father and helped to break up his marriage to their mother? Either way, such abusive behavior isn't acceptable, but by the same token neither is him completely cutting off his relationship with his children. I know some will say that is ok but it isn't unless in extreme cases of childhood abuse and violence. He is their father and it will be very sad for all of them if they get to the end of their lives and keep this distance and animosity. I have seen this happen in my own family with my grandmother's sister who came to her funeral in tears and remorse for her behavior. I would find a way to resolve this maybe with talking and counseling- he should salvage his relationship with them even if you are unable to provided that they agree to treat you with respect you may be able to also.
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A
female
reader, Delirium +, writes (11 December 2014):
 I'm sorry, you have been thrown into a shark tank and you will probably never be able to have a successful relationship with your step children. What has happened to you is not rare, I have two personal experiences in my own family that are similar. My grandmother on my father's side died young and left many young children behind (my father was the eldest of 9 and had moved off to college when she died so he was more understanding that his youngest siblings which were still just children). When my grandfather remarried the youngest kids treated her just awfully, because they didn't want a mother replacement. That hurtful behavior towards her continued her entire life and I believe contributed to her stress and poor health later in life. My own mother and oldest sister (in her mid 30s at the time, married, with a son) had a falling out a few years ago. They no longer speak to each other (my other sister and I still keep in touch with both, we just avoid talking to one about the other). My mother accepted that she had lost a daughter and removed her from her will and plans to giver her portion to charity. It is painful when it happens and sometimes you will never understand how family can be so cruel. It is wonderful however that your future husband is not accepting his children's behavior, and has cut contact with them. He sounds like a good man that will make you happy. You sound like you tried to be nice to them and they just wouldn't have any of it. Remember, they are not kids, they are adults. You have no reason to keep subjecting yourself to the abuse from adults. I would say remove them from your social accounts, block them, let them complain to each other and to their mother. They will stew in their own toxic mess but you will have peace of mind and be free of it. You can always leave the door open if you want, "I will be removing you all from my social accounts because I have endured your hurtful treatment long enough, and I don't believe I deserve it. If in the future we can set aside our differences and behave like reasonable people I will welcome anyone to visit." (something along those lines). Instead focus on the healthy relationships in your life, the ones with your husband, friends, your family, etc. Best of Luck
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