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My fiance likes to wear my daughter's underwear!

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Pornography, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 April 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I've been with my boyfriend/fiance for a year now and we live together along with my 15 yr old daughter and his 15 yr old son.. about 4 months into our relationship I did a load of laundry for him and found a pair of womens underware in his clothes.When I confronted him about them he said they belonged to his sister.(at that time he was living with her)so I just let it go.Everything was going great until one evening when I came home from work, that same pair of underware from months ago were now hanging in our bathroom. Confronted him once again and he said they belonged to him.He says he uses them while he masturbates because it feels good with silk..I then started to notice certain things around our place that just didnt seem right, like pictures of my daughter and other women in his drawer and x-rated magazines.He also had a lot of porn movies..I know that doesnt seem bad well heres the BIG problem..I found a bag of womens undergarmets in his closet.all different colors and sizes.My daughters items were in their as well..the were 3 digital camers in the bag so of course i looked and he had taken pictures of himself wearing my daughters thong and tank shirt playing with himself.There were nude pictures of himself along with pictures of women from the x-rate magazines.I was terrified and trembling thinking that he molested my daughter.He said he never did nor will he ever touch her and I believe him.I of course asked my daughter if he ever touched her in a wrong way and she said no way.ew thats gross..He is diffently obsessed with womens undergarments and enjoys masturbating while wearing them..I tell him that I dont feel as though I turn him on because everytime we try to make love he either cant get errect or goes limp right away but yet masturbates right next to me and has no problem performing on himself.He claims that since I am the first woman he has been with since his nasty divorse 14 years ago,he still has to get used to a womans touch again.The other day while performing oral sex on him he called me my daughters name and i freaked out.He claims he doesnt see her in that way but her underware keep dissapearing and after snooping I find them hidden in his drawers.Once again I know people will say I'm stupid for staying with him, but I honestly know he wont touch her.So I'm confused,Should I leave him for the wellfare of my daughter or should I stay with him and make sure he gets help for his fettish?

View related questions: fiance, limp, nude pictures, oral sex, porn, underwear

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009):

Aside from all that was mentioned here, there is also the fact that he has little enough respect for you daughter to go through her underwaear drawer! People tend to let others treat them badly, but when it comes to your daughter, don't let anyone treat her that way!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009):

he is clearly obsessed with women, but more so with your daughter. he even called out her name, meaning that he has had sexual urges to be with her. don't also just take your daughters word, be more alert and observant ( i am not saying that anything is happening between them but please do your homework).

this fetish is crazy and will consume you, it has already consumed your b/f. what also concerns me is that he only has your daughters underwear. (either yours don't fit him or he really, really gets turned on by your daughter). whichever way you read this, this is scary shit stuff. you are not qualified to help him, a professional should.

but please, RUN, do not just walk out. Run, together with your daughter away from this man. his unhealthy desire is going t mess you up, for good.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009):

I think everyone here has already said it, GO!

That behaviour is far too creepy I wouldnt be able to trust him.

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A female reader, Dazed~Confused Canada +, writes (16 April 2009):

Dazed~Confused agony auntHe's obviously fantasizing about your daughter. If he can call out her name while you two are being intimate...that should be a huge warning sign for you.

He may just be fantasizing now, but do you want to take that chance that he will take the next step? Are you comfortable being with a man who would take your daughter's underwear and use it as a sexual tool???

Let me ask you this, have you found any evidence that he has been using your garments or belongings in that way? Why is he only using your daughter's or his sister's? Something is not right here, and I don't think you or your family should be around that.

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A male reader, pantyman United States +, writes (15 April 2009):

Try this next time you want to make love make him wear a pair of your sexy panties plus take your panties off in front of him and make him sniff them that what he's doing any ways and when he rock hard pull his panties to the side and climb on but make him keep sniffing yours. I have panty fetish too I would die if my wife did that to me loving it. And for your daughter that's off limits no excuse and if don't respact your wish dump him

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (15 April 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntI would confront him about this, it is not a healthy "Fetish" at all and I agree that your daughter shouldn't be subjected to his inappropriate behaviour. there is too much temptation for him to go beyond looking with her around. Would you trust a man who has child porn in a crèche unsupervised?

And why did he get divorced???

I see that big red flag waving here!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009):

How can you honestly stay? this man has got it bad for your daughter and he will make a move, I'm sure of that. She turn him down but that's not the point. I'm concerned you haven't left him yet...who do you care more for?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009):

I don't know how much can be done to get rid of a fetish. They tend to be pretty hard-wired.

Putting the ick factor aside, at the very least he sees your daughter as a sexual being. I'd be concerned living with an adult man who sees my underage daughter that way. Ya, he might never do anything inappropriate to her personally. But it really isn't a health environment for an adolescent to be in. Surely she realizes that her underwear is disappearing -- how, exactly, do you explain that to her?

If your daughter was a few years older and had moved out on her own, I'd say it's up to you whether your want to deal with this guy's issues. But the well-being of your daughter has to come first, and it doesn't sound compatible with living in the same house as this guy.

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A female reader, bOy CrAzY;} United States +, writes (15 April 2009):

Wow.......way CREEPY!! I'd leave him!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009):

Leave, now, His problem not yours

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A male reader, jay12toes United States +, writes (15 April 2009):

jay12toes agony aunti believe that he would never do anything to your daughter, but its still really creepy. I would have gotten out of there as soon as i seen the bag and pictures.

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