A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there, I am a 21 year old girl and I am currently in love with a wonderful guy who even asked me for my hand in marriage.He is 23 years old sweet, kind and always make me smile when I am around him.But the thing is...One day he asked me how many sex partners I have had before him. I answerd honestly and said 2.Then I find out he has had 11 partners before me (girlfriends.)Point out, we have not had sex yet. But he have seen my body and has been telling me I am so beatiful.So now I am getting cold feets. because of the number,I do love him so much.I don't even know why I feel so uncomfortable as I do and how to get over it.Have any of you been in a similar situation with these kind of feelings included, how did you deal with it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): I'm going to tell you an inconvenient little truth that nobody else here wants to acknowledge - this issue is deeply rooted in how different you are from your fiance in sexual morals. It is going to bother you as long as you are with him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 August 2011):
 oh if only we could go back and change our pasts... but we can't and what makes it worse is when folks we love and trust punish us for our life experience...
isn't that what you are doing here? PUNISHING HIM FOR HAVING LEARNED WHAT HE WANTS before he met you???
Just because he has had past experiences does not detract from the fact that you are his present and his future... Let the past go....
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (10 August 2011):
 Think of it this way. Out of that many girls/women. He picked YOU.
YOU darling. Not one of them. There is something about YOU that he fell in love with and eventually decided "This is my future wife".
Embrace what you have in common that brings you together, not what divides you with differences.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (10 August 2011):
As long as he was faithful to each one of those women, its not really an issue. Make sure he did not get any sort of disease, though. And you may want to ask him if there are any children he knows of.
You certainly won't have to "train" him too much.
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A
female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (10 August 2011):
Well i can see how you would be uncomfortable but also 11 is not that big of a number if it was 50 i would be concerned, But besides that every person is different. What i see as your the best he's ever had if he's willing to settle down with.If he has no STD's i see no worries. I think you'll get use to the fact over time.Regardless most guys have had the same or more amount of partners. If you love him, you will keep loving him, like you said it's cold feet you'll get use to it. Just trust that he choose you out of all those girls and he loves you, everything else will fall into place.
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A
male
reader, aresu  +, writes (10 August 2011):
 Well, i havent dealt with a situation like yours, but i think i can relate, because im a virgin and i want the girl i get with to be a virgin too. So i can relate to the feeling of the difference in sexual experience. Well, i think it depends on how important it is to you that he is more experienced, and if you want to make it a deal breaker you are in your right, but i can tell from the way you express your feelings, that is not a deal breaker and you truly want to get over this to enjoy beign with your partner.I suggest to talk to him, in a relationship there are a lot of things that can be resolved with proper communication and understanding. Let him know that it makes you unconfortable, and in which way, try to explain it as best as you can, and why it makes you feel like that.if he is a good guy, i imagine that he Will understand you, and he will help you to overcome this. Remember that this kind of things can be resolved if the two of you work it together, and keep helping each other.I hope everything goes well for you, and i wish you good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): I'm 28, and have been with 7 guys total. Most of those guys had been with far more partners than your guy has. If he isn't giving other signs of cheating, I wouldn't let the number scare you.
You are young, so why not be wait a couple of years so that you are absolutely sure. He may be the type to stray, but you can't tell that from his number alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2011): I don't think it is very fair of you to judge this man for his past, becareful if you suspect he is just in the relationship for sex or is stringing you along, or in any way dishonest, those are serious issues, but I don't see how his relationships with women in the past should mean you get to judge him, you wouldn't like it if he did the same to you
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A
female
reader, ashleyxo +, writes (10 August 2011):
Put it this way girl, If he's asking you to marry him, none of these other partners matter. He must have really strong feelings for you, Marriage is a big deal. If you feel like he's judging you based on these other girlfriends, I highly doubt he is. He says you're beautiful, he believes it, now you have to believe it. The past is the past, he might even have doubts about not being as good as your other two partners. Just boost your self confidence in your mind, and think about things not being a competition, because you've won that, you're hand was asked in marriage. :)
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (10 August 2011):
 Take it that he has some good experience and he could show you a thing or two in the bedroom- and/or treat your body better than someone with minimum experience.
And I know 11 to you may seem like a huge number, but compared to most people, that's relatively low. Besides you're getting someone that's wonderful to you in so many ways. Allow him the chance to provide you love, care, and overall happiness in marriage.
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