A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i don't understand my dad's side of the family. my mom and dad divorced when i was about 5 years old, and both parents remarried. when i was very young, i tried, but found it impossible to actually get along well with my step-mom...as the years passed, i avoided going over to his house when i could because honestly she scared me and was very unstable and abusive. i moved away from my home state when i was about 20 and ever since then, i notice that even though i still tried to keep in touch with my dad, he seemed to drift off and pretty much never called me on his own (and every year when i see him one time on a certain holiday, he laments how he let yet another year pass w/out getting in touch with me). see, after a few years of trying to at least keep in touch, i just kinda gave up in general and wanted to see where that would lead-which led to him not calling, not emailing me, or anything, me ever.his mom, my grandma--she is weird about communication too. he and my grandma both have my cell number which hasn't changed for years, but for some reason, my grandma, who wants to spend time with me when i'm in town, and knows that i'm almost 30 now...still calls my MOM to get ahold of me--as in, 'hi this is x's grandma. is she in town? yes?...well, have her give me a call.'my dad 'loses' (supposedly) the same phone number i've had for years and years, and then when holiday season comes around, he also calls my mom to find out what number i now have...when someone on their side of the family dies/gets very ill/gets married/commits suicide/etc...no one tells me. i always find out on holiday, or if i talk to my step-sis.my half brother (dad's son), also...never responds to my attempts to keep in touch with him.my step mom-i just learned through my step-sister (the only one who actually tries), just told me that my step mom wants to start emailing me...and she gave my step sis her email address and basically requested that i initiate this communication with her. why didn't she just ask for my email address from step sis and grow a pair and email me? why do i have to start a conversation with someone that i do not feel naturally compelled to communicate with? i'd be happy to respond to her if she just emailed me first...(sorry, i know this is too long!)when i see them once a year, they tell me 'don't be a stranger', yet they never actually try to initiate any type of communication whatsoever in a direct manner on their own, as i've written above. even my grandma, for christ's sake (who i've never really avoided at any point in my life), won't just call me like an adult and try to make plans with me? why are these people like this? i tried to get closer to them when i was a late teen/early adult (because i was able to feel safer being older)...and they still never really tried in return, yet i know they'd blame me for this breakdown completely...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbitterblue-yeah...they have very few friends, if any...my dad used to have friends, but not anymore since he's remarried. i guess that's just the way he rolls...
A
female
reader, bitterblue  + ♥, writes (30 August 2009):
 I know this type. If you ask a favour or contact them they will probably not ignore you - from what you tell it doesn't seem they have anything against you. Some people are like this however, I see some antisocial traits, they are not the type to have initiatives, etc. We on the other hand very much like to keep in touch so it can be hard to understand this behaviour, but it's just the way some people are, they find it difficult to stay connected to others. I wouldn't be surprised if they in fact, in their own way, would want or at least not mind talking to you from time to time, but the more they postpone giving you a call the more awkward they feel to actually initiate one. The fact is you have never been very close, you have been rather estranged during your childhood, which may have contributed to this situation. What I see is a also a habit here, you are not used to each other, you don't know much about each other, because there was never a bond between you. Unfortunately it seems little probable this will change, it is also most likely their usual way to interact. Maybe they honestly don't know what to say to you. They might also think you should make the first step, being the younger one, who knows? Have you told them what you told us here? In conclusion, if you wish to stay in touch ignore the fact you feel rejected and think this has nothing to do with you, they may not like to socialise in general or are self-absorbed with their own personas, worries, problems. You will have to continue to make the first step when you can. I imagine they have few friends whom they call only on special occasions, it would only make sense? All the best.
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A
male
reader, EllsworthT  +, writes (30 August 2009):
You are all alone in the world. Everyone is. Don't worry about it.Dump these bozos and quit wasting your time trying to figure out what's going on in their heads. Stay cordial and remember birthdays, but give up on creating the picture-perfect, loving family because they obviously don't want one or at least not one with you in it. There are plenty of idiots who are also parents. You got stuck with idiots.Fortunately you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Time to leave the dysfunctional nest and fly. Make some friends and get a hobby. Focus on things that will make you happy and successful.The idiots may surprise you one day by turning into half-decent human beings. Your step-mother will call you for advice, or your dad will call to say he misses you. Whatever. Welcome it then. But don't try to force it now. Get on with your life.
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