A
female
age
26-29,
*issJoanFrancis
writes:I'm with my finacee 2 years and we are getting married in 2016. I'm 20 and my sisters are 32 and 40. My fiancee is 30 and i love him so much and we get on incredibly. Since I got engaged both of them have changed it is like they don't want to know me. I held my engagement party a few months ago and when i asked my sister from london 2 months prior to come to ireland for it she didn't even have to think she was like 'Oh im too busy with work' In the end all that came from my side was my mom dad and one sister which tore me inside. My brother and other sister didnt even give me a card to acknowledge it. My brother didnt even tell me he wasnt coming. Since then i booked my reception and not one of them has asked me a single question about my wedding. Its like nobody cares. When i said it to them they said they didnt think about asking and 3 weeks on they still dont even ask. When i told them they were bridesmaids they weren't even one bit excited which has brought down all my excitement on getting married and i am so hurt over everything. The way i feel now is that I want to buy my dress with no one there because no one cares anyway and i'll just feel stupid infront of them. My sister who is 40 has a failed marriage and ended up telling the father of her kids to take them to his country because she wanted no responsibility in life. My other sister has 3 kids and no marriage because she can not afford to get married to her boyfriend as she is in debt with lots of loans they got in their 20's to party and lives in a council house. Every time i hear from them they are telling me what sibling stabbed my back next even though i live an hour from everyone and dont do a thing to them . I feel because I have the money and right guy by my side to get married that they all hate me even though I know he is the one. I was never a party girl I hate it I always just wanted to settle get a good job and buy a house of my own but i feel they don't want me to make them look bad. I told them my feelings but still don't bother with me. They dont even ring or text me but they all ring eachother and tell them news which i hear three weeks later from my parents. What do I do? I just feel i have NO ONE who is happy for me just back stabbing me that makes me cry so often.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 December 2014):
 Like someone else said.. Up-coming brides can be a tad bit too self centered for most people. I remember when my cousin and a friend of mine both got married the same summer. I had to block them on facebook because I was so extremely done with and tired of reading about cakes and wedding dresses. My cousin was all over wedding dresses. Bought one abroad, and when it was shipped she kept us all updates about what country it was in at every hour of the day!!! Like, who cares?!?! The same with wedding cakes, my friend was testing all sorts of wedding cakes and had pictures of each and every cake up on facebook! Again, who cares!?!?
Im just saying, not that I wasn't happy for them, but there's a limit to how interesting their preparations were. I am thinking it's the same with you and your family. You are so over the moon and EVERYTHING, down to the little tiny details no one cares about, is probably super important to you. It's your big day, you are naturally very enthusiastic and interested in these things. But you got to give others a break. It should be OK that the ones who AREN'T getting married, don't show the same level of enthusiasm.
I mean, people are different here, not all people care, not even about their own wedding. When my brother got engaged to my friend they didn't say a word about any wedding preparations. Eventually my friend started talking to me about their plans, what she would like etc, but they aren't thinking all that much about it and just have lose ideas. So no wedding craze going on there. People are different. Some get obsessed about the details, others are happy with anything as long as the "deed is done". So maybe you are one who is super enthusiastic by nature, and maybe you'd be super enthusiastic if your sisters got married too. But they, by nature, are not! You even mention how your sister can't afford to get married... well, weddings don't have to cost much, maybe the truth is it just doesn't matter to her all that much. If I was broke, but wanted to get married, I'd figure something out to make it cheap and lovely, even so. Your sister not getting married, I guarantee you, it's got to do with her level of interest in getting married, and NOT to do with her economy. And if she's showing such little interest in her OWN wedding, then there's not surprise in her not showing YOUR wedding much interest either. Why bother so much for your sake, when she can't even be enthusiastic about getting married herself. People are just different. You should accept that, rather than get offended and hurt. They don't do this to hurt you, they just aren't all that crazy about weddings.
I suggest instead that you rely on a good friend who IS just as hyped up about weddings as you are, and let the others off the hook.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (22 December 2014):
 OK. First of all congratulations on your engagement. I am sure you are very excited, and that currently you are all loved up, looking at the world through rose tinted glasses, and that is how it SHOULD be.
BUT - you do need to understand that other people view weddings in different ways. When it is not you at the centre of the proceedings, wedding buzz can get, to put it bluntly, mildly irritating.
It seems that you are considerably younger than your sisters, who both appear to have made some bad choices and have been through the mill emotionally. This is not your fault, but perhaps they are jaded by divorce, life, and can see things which you are not yet old enough to have been through or understand.
You did not ask them to be bridesmaids - you told them. This may have got their backs up. They may feel that they are too old to be bridesmaids, or it is not appropriate.
Emotionally, seeing you all loved up, happy and financially able to get married, could be bringing back some very bad emotions for your two sisters. It is not right for them to be rude to you, but equally they are probably feeling like failures. They got it all wrong, and may feel you are rubbing their noses in it.
Newly engaged women, can often forget about everyone around them, and get tunnel vision regarding their beloved, the wedding and the preparations. Everything revolves around them.
A friend of mine drove us all to the edge of reason this year during her "preparations" for her wedding in the summer. Our group of friends had over a year of her constantly banging on about it. She never talked about anything else, and would get quite rude, strident, and aggressive if we were not as enthusiastic about it all as she was. She just didn't shut up about it. But how do you tell someone who is so happy, that you really don't care what colour the napkins will be, or how many candles per table? Or that she has asked the same question three weeks in a row? Honestly, I think we were all glad when it was finally over! She turned into a total nutcase.
Now she is moaning about the massive credit card debts they have. But that is another story.....
I think what I am trying to say is that there are many reasons why they are not being as enthusiastic as you wish them to be. Try looking at it from their point of view, rather than jumping to conclusions. As Wiseowl said, once you have children, going anywhere can be a challenge, as you have so many other things to think about. Babysitters, school (not allowed to take them out of school during term time), booking time off work which could eat into time off at other times of the year etc etc etc.
You are still very young, and only just into your adult years. There are so many responsibilities that you have yet to experience, and sometimes,the world doesn't always work the way you want it to.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (21 December 2014):
 Sooooo..... now you know where you fit in the family hierarchy of "give a damn".... and IT AIN'T NEAR THE TOP!!!
The best you can do is "not give a damn" in proportion.... and get on with your life.... with your "family" in the rear-view mirror.
Remember... THEY aren't going to make you happy.... ONLY YOU... can make you happy....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2014): Read your post and notice the problems and issues you described your sisters are facing.
One has disinherited her family, the other is a single-mother laden with debt and miserable. They don't have much to celebrate in their own lives, and may harbor some bitterness about life in general. You are the young blushing bride, who has no idea what married-life and struggle means for a woman over 30. Those two have made some bad choices, so why would you expect so much from them?
They aren't happy how their lives turned out, and marriage may not be something they feel like celebrating. Therefore; their pessimism and cynicism is all you can see. For the moment, anyway.
Please also take into consideration the expense and preparation a single-mother must undergo in-order to travel with kids (or finding a sitter), and to buy an appropriate outfit for the occasion. They fret about weight-gain, who'll be there that they don't like; and they may have enemies you've invited and don't know about. Brides and grooms aren't the only ones who get jitters about weddings!
They may just see it as just another family-gathering, where they'll feel bad after all is said and done. If you have dramatic family-gatherings on holidays, during family crisis, or at funerals. A wedding brings out the same behavior and emotions.
It all starts out okay, then the tension builds to a climax. Then the ill-will takes over. If that's what normally happens? Think about it. Booze will only make it worse! So their self-elimination may be a blessing in disguise. They may be happy and just don't show it on the outside. Always view the whole picture.
You're forgetting, all the remaining family knows their failures; and it's embarrassing for them to face the others. Especially your prospective in-laws. Your dear brother may simply be challenged in the knowledge of social graces and proper etiquette.
If you don't ask your invited quests to send you an R.S.V.P., they aren't likely to respond one way or the other. You should know him well enough that you may have to track him down and ask him. Honestly, I don't know of many straight-men who make a big deal out of weddings. Either they're in it, or are an indifferent-guest. Unless he's the groom, guys can take it or leave it. They prefer showing up at the wedding reception, when the booze starts flowing. Gowns mean nothing to them. They're more interested in what's under the dresses, when the bride's maid's get tipsy!
They can all put on a face and pretend to share your enthusiasm; but for the most part, that would be fake! Perhaps they really don't care; and they are too dysfunctional in their own lives to care about yours. You write as if you didn't grow up with these people all your life, and don't know their ways. You described their individual flaws; and knowing all their problems, it should be self-explanatory.
Remember, it's your day. You've invited your friends, maybe some coworkers, and others dear to you. Worrying over some who probably wouldn't make it anyway is just torturing yourself. You've got the bridal-jitters and that's making you focus on things that are basically out of your control.
You can't control how people feel! Be appreciative of those who do show their enthusiasm, and your mind will focus on them. You have enough to worry about, my dear. Some things can't be helped, they have to correct themselves. In the meantime, you focus on the things that "you can" control.
You may be surprised, they may just show up. If it's not until 2016; so they have plenty of time to build-up some excitement. They're older and they've got a bit of mileage on them. Their earlier days of youth and innocence is far behind them. They don't react with glee to certain things, when they've been there and done that. You'll understand once you're older.
Many blessing to you and your future husband.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (21 December 2014):
Hey hon, it's your wedding and it's supposed to make YOU happy. I get how your family's lack of interest can feel like a punch in the gut and it is incredibly shitty of them. But the thing is, this is your life and if they don't care about things that are obviously important to you, then they don't care enough and that's a thing better known beforehand. You could have the party-happy family that'll be glad to show up and eat and drink on your dime but won't be there when you truly need them. Your family has shown you their hand.
Only invite the people that are going to enhance the experience of your wedding. That means positive people. Friends. I am big on found family rather than family by blood. Because blood means nothing, in the end. I hope you'll have a wonderful wedding and a great marriage that'll last.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 December 2014):
 What I would do is just invite his side of family and hope they understand. This is your day so you need to be happy that day. There is no point stressing over people not showing up. If the fiancee is the one for you he will look past this and realize you are not your family and marriage is about your future, not just the the big wedding day or the glamour that comes with it. Or you can just say, you personally don't believe in weddings. You can then save the money on honeymoon or housing.
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