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My family is blackmailing me because they found out I'm dating my cousin!

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 July 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 20 September 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *ysterygirl803 writes:

Ok, so i've been dating my cousin for about almost 7 years an we've managed to keep it a secret until recently. My sister and my brother found out and they been blackmailing me so they won't tell my family. I can't be around him or go out with him or they will tell them. This relationship is serious and we would like to be together, although he is afraid of everyone knowing. I don't care if anyone knows as long as I'm with him.... What should I do?? Any advice??

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A female reader, mysterygirl803 United States +, writes (20 September 2010):

mysterygirl803 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Ok... thanks guys. So here is my current situation. My mom found out from my sister about what happened with my cousin and hell broke loose. She kicked him out, she took me to her house and kept me hostage for like a week until he got out of my house. No one knows how long weve been together and what has happened between us. I live in the USA in illinois. Im trying to get help because my mother has threatened him to deport him if he doesn;t leave the U.S. We planned to leave together cause finally I knocked sense into him and is supporting me as I have supported him through the blackmailing part. They were also threatening to put him in jail but I got informed from the police station that they can't do anything to him because Im over age. However the deportation is still on. And he doesn't want to leave at all because of me and also because he wants to finish working and gathering money. I don't know what to do. How can I resolve the deportation issue now?? Ist there any way I can protect him from being deported just because we are in a relationship??

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A male reader, CommandoDude United States +, writes (3 September 2010):

CommandoDude agony auntYou need to stand up for yourself. Don't allow your siblings to check your phone or tell you where you can or cannot go and when.

Blackmail is a serious criminal offense, and a relationship with your cousin is legal in most of the free world (Should you live in the states, it is important to check what your local laws are if you're first cousins). Counter threat them, they are not your legal guardians, if they don't stop harassing you, tell them you will go to the police.

Allowing these two that power over your life is detrimentally affecting your psyche. And it is worse that you appear to be alone in this, you must make your cousin understand that if he really loves you, that he must be there for you, that you indeed need him.

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A female reader, mysterygirl803 United States +, writes (2 September 2010):

mysterygirl803 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks I really appreciate your responses and with you guys I dont feel lonely but its gone so far that he broke up with me saying that he didnt want to hurt me anymore and that it was probably better for us this way. I told him that we could be together if we wanted to no matter what anyone says but I guess he's afraid now. As for my sister, my brother they both went crazy on me. They have me on check and I can't stand it no more. I was Thinking of scaping and leaving far away because its to much for me. They are constantly checking my phone to see if I have called him or texted him, I can't go out at all with out them asking me what I'm doing or where I'm going and geting a time limit as to where and when to come home. I have to take every B.S. that they both throw at me every single time I try to get back at them or reply to defend myself and they blackmail me again. I can't take it, as for my cousin he left me by myself. He does what ever but I can't be his friend like he says he wants to be. I can;t call him or text him becuase he wont reply most of the time. And it hurts so much that I feel he turned his back on us. My mom has noticed that I;ve changed so much that she's starting to ask me whats wrong? but i keep telling her that nothing is wrong but stress from school. I feel so lonely....hurt.....desperate.....I don;t know what to do. please help.... any advice???

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010):

Yeah, seriously it is so messed up beyond words. My cousin and I have fallen deeply in love, with each other, we're distant cousins. Our family found out (selected members) and it has just gotten wild since then. He couldn't take it anymore, all of the drama from people finding out and now he's working things out with his family, and I'm on the verge of divorce as before. It's amazing how things go. I'm crushed beyond anything I've ever felt before. I wish that no one had ever found out, because somehow the bond with your cousin is like nothing ever experienced with anyone else. I miss him so much I don't know what to do. The bond is just different. My friends are very supportive. I guess I'm trying to say to be careful, because we both felt that our love was strong enough, but apparently, the b.s. was too much for him to handle. I am however, extremely amazed at how much information I'm finding online about second cousins. This is like undercover normal stuff that no one ever talks about.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010):

Hi ysterygirl803

I really feels for you hun. Don't worry about their threats, just tell all your family and get it out in the open once and for all. Theres nothing wrong with dating (or marrying for that matter) your cousin, (even first cousins). It is not incest and is perfectly fine. My parents are first cousins and have been married over 40 years. When i was arranging my own wedding years ago, i asked the registrar at the registry office, (just out of curiosity), if it was illegal to date or marry your cousin and he said no it's absolutely fine.

The family members doing this to you should be ashamed of themselves for blackmailing you like this, it's plain cruel. I wouldn't want anything more to do with them after something like that.

Gook luck with it all

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A female reader, acmhbreirs United States +, writes (28 July 2010):

i am in a similar situation, dating my cousin and the family doesn't know. i'm with you, let them know, let them get used to the idea. this is a very difficult thing for all involved. mostly the two of you. i think you need to tell your family. yes, talk to him of course. communication is so important. love is hard all on its own. i'm sorry for your pain. hope all works out.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010):

The blackmailing part is most easily dealt with by just telling your family yourself. If you don't care that they know, this way your siblings will have nothing to blackmail you with. But I must say that this is a horrible, horrible thing to do against a sister. You may want to yell at them and make clear that they can't just do something like this. I would go nuts if it were me. Maybe they do just need time to get used to the idea, but still it's a nasty trick.

The thing with your cousin is more complicated, since he doesn't want everyone to know. But I am with AngelleMarie and I think you should talk to him. Nobody has the right to judge you or in any way keep you from being happy!

I hope you will get out of this mess!! Good luck!

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A female reader, AngelleMarie United States +, writes (22 July 2010):

This is a very difficult situation... but if you both are serious about it and want to be together.. then it can't be kept a secret forever.. I dont know how your family is so i dont know how they will deal with it, but maybe (if you are very serious about your relationship) you should tell them...

If he's worried about everyone knowing... explain to him that if he is serious about the relationship and wants to be with you "forever" then the secret cant be kept forever.. and now that the cat is out of the bag you may want to tell families.. depending upon how trusting your brother and sister are...

I hope this helps you out... i wish i could help you more i just dont completely know your situation.

good luck.. :)

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A male reader, RAINORFIRE United States +, writes (22 July 2010):

RAINORFIRE agony aunttell everyone and get it over with who are these people to judge you...there not so perfect themselves and the secrets they have let them loose and yours will seem like nothing...so tell them then there can be kno more black mailing relationships cant grow in the shadows you need to be free.

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