A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm in a moral dilemma and would love to receive some advice. I'm in relationship with a guy since two years. we are very happy together. and wish to get married. but he does not belong to my caste I introduced him in my family, but my parents being conservative rejected him on the pretext of inter caste. his family has lovingly accepted me but then I lost my mom to cancer and it kind of became her last wish that I should not marry outside my caste. so my family is adamant that I should not marry the guy. but we both love each other too much and can't live apart Plz help me. what is the correct way ahead. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 How did you and your boyfriend meet? Are you of a higher caste than him? In the daily life, does the caste affect your lives and work?
If the caste has no real consequence, and you are both good to each other, and he has a job and can support a family, and there are no complications regarding a life with him because of his caste, then I will encourage you to go ahead and marry him. Your mother wanted what she thought was best for you, but as an adult you are now capable of deciding for yourself what is in your best interest. You know what is good for you, and whether your boyfriend will be a good husband for you or not, regardless of his caste.
However, if there are going to be complications because if the difference in caste, I would ask you to consider it and think about these consequences. What you want today might not be what you want tomorrow. If choosing him means you will, for example, lose contact with your family and friends, then you need to think about if you will be okay with this in the years to come. Or will you resent your boyfriend for it? Will your boyfriend have difficulties finding a job because of his caste? Will there be a social stigma placed on you? These are things to consider. While it sounds good on paper to do the "right" thing and follow your heart, real life can offer challenges that should be considered. Will your future children suffer from the caste difference between their parents? Such things should be considered, and you need to find out if you will be able to handle any problems related to the difference in caste.
If the matter is purely moral, and the caste difference has no meaning other than to your mother, then I believe you have the ability to judge for yourself what is best for you to do.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 What in the sam hell is a "Hunchy-Bunchy"? Sorry OP I just had to ask..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): Thank you. Was helpful. found some peace in knowing that it's okay to go ahead with the marriage. helps a little with the moral dilemna
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 March 2015):
 Discrimination against lower castes is ILLEGAL in India under art. 15 of its Constitution.
I know that this still leaves you with a moral dilemma, and with the last wish of a dead parent.
My personal take on this is: you do not live in a vacuum, and you are, before and beyond being your Mom's daughter, an Indian citizen with all the rights and duties that this entails , and a member of your current society at large.
It's as if an American mother in point of death had extorted you the promise to, say, always discriminate against black people. Sorry Mom, no can do - you did not had the right to ask this promise to begin with.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 March 2015):
 You are the victim of what happens when people spend their lives looking backwards.... they CLING to what they think were "the good old days".... and they prevent themselves from ever experiencing anything "new"....
We have Amish and Mennonite people who are like that, here in the States, as well.
Sooooo, WHAT does all that (resisting advancing in to the future) accomplish???? It prevents one from ever advancing in the world.... doesn't do a DAMN thing to advance the "human condition"... and inflicts misery on those, like you, who make some/any attempt to divert from it....
Tell you family that THIS YEAR is TWO THOUSAND AND FIFTEEN... that the days of castes are long-since past... and that YOU and your Hunchy-Bunchy are going to make a life together REGARDLESS how they feel about it...
Then, proceed....
Good luck... AND, I'd like an invite to the wedding... since - at the reception - I find that there are usually many single bridesmaids who are DESPERATE!!!!
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