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female
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*eandcharlie
writes: In October, I started cheating on my husband with this Mexican guy, Charlie. My husband and I had been having a lot of problems, and at first Charlie was just a little fling to keep my mind off things. But I ended up falling crazily in love with him, and I'm in the middle of divorcing my husband. I know that I should have cheated on my husband - I'm not proud of that. But Charlie and I live together now, and he is EVERYTHING I could ever want in a man. He is romantic, sweet, funny, he does 1000 little things for me that my ex would never do. We are very committed to each other, and planning on having children together in the future.My problem is this - everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, in my life is against me being with him. My parents are extremely conservative and religious, and they are so against me getting a divorce that they are barely speaking to me anymore. My 15-year-old brother will not speak to me at all. My parents keep saying that God is angry at me, and that if I have any problems, it's my punishment from Him. I finally admitted to my best friend that I had cheated on my husband, and now she says she never wants to talk to me again. She always hated Charlie anyway, I don't know why. Because of my work schedule, I only have one other friend. I never get to talk to her anymore because she has got a lot of problems going on with her boyfriend right now.I don't know what to do - I love Charlie more than anything in the world, but what will I do if I lose my family and all my friends over him? He is illegal, and is having some trouble with the police right now, and he may end up getting deported. If he did, then I would go to Mexico with him. If I had to do that though, I know I would probably never hear from my family again.No one in my life understands how much I truly love him. The only thing I can complain about him is that when he goes out with his friends, sometimes he doesn't call me to tell me where he is or when he's coming home. Because of that, and the problems with the police, my friend was just like, Just kick him out and forget about him! I couldn't do that even if I wanted to, which I DON'T. To top it all off, there's a possibility that I might be pregnant.So I guess I'm asking for any advice! I absolutely will not leave him, but I don't want to lose all my family and friends either. I'm just so frustrated that all these people who are supposed to love me are just throwing out these ultimatums about never speaking to me again! What should I do???
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (6 February 2006):
 A very dear friend of mine fell in love with and married a man who was illegal. They have never gotten his citizenship straightened out in the last 8 years and it has been a nightmare. I can't even tell you the terrible time she has had. She even moved to Mexico and tried to live with he and his family (she speaks spanish well) and It was still impossible. They lived on nothing even with them both working, could not afford medicine. She gave up everything...house, cars, possesions, to be with him and help him with his legal troubles. She returned a year later, broke, in ill health and now three years later still struggles just to get by. She loved him with every bit of her heart...but it was not enough to keep reality at bay. She would not have made the decisions she made if she knew then what she knows now...no matter how much she loved him. In 8 years of being married...they have spent less than two years actually together...it is a miserable difficult road you are considering. Think about it HARD...without the rose colored glasses of Love blinding you. Your family may be hopeing that if they make you choose...at least they can save you from this heartache...even if your mad at them for a long, long time. (they love you and what happens to you hurts them too...haveing to see you suffer) Just my thoughts...hope they help.
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (5 February 2006):
You have answered your own question - you will not leave him. You are old enough to know your own mind, and I am surprised that your family and friends are so shallow that their love and friendship is based on who you live with.
Although the situation with your lover does not appear to bode well, stick with it and if you both make a success of your relationship then you will prove everyone wrong and they will eventually come around.
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A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (5 February 2006):
 Well, things are really looking a bit shoddy for Charlie, I must admit... what with the police after him for being illegally in the country,your future does not look secure at all...
Your family & friends are just concerned for your wellbeing & are afraid of you getting hurt.
Charlie may seem like Mr. Perfect to you right now, but it is early days & only time will tell.
You are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship where everything is wine & roses, so it is normal for you to feel this way... I say, give it time before you start throwing your family & friends away over Charlie.
If you still feel the same way in a year from now, then go be with him wherever is is deported to, but don't be too quick to throw it all away right now.
I am sure your family want to see you happy, so if they can see that this is what makes you really happy, in time, they will most likely respect your choices and begin to accept the situation.But I am repeating....
Only time will tell!!
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A
female
reader, Phyrekiss +, writes (5 February 2006):
 When i was faced with this same dilemna, I ended up telling my family and friends that if I was going to see him whether they approved or not. Parents are a touchy subject when it comes to approving loves, but if you are truely happy, then tell them that. As far as your friends go, they should support you and be there for you no matter what you do. You should never have to choose between your friends and your love. Whenever someone tries to make me choose between them and someone else, I usually choose the someone else, because people that care about you should never do that.
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