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My ex said we will never get back together

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 January 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 9 September 2012)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I NEEED SOMEONES ADVICE..PLEASE.. My boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago. We had went out for 10 months. we were inseperable, we spent so much time together probably to much. It was my first real relationship and I found myself acting irrational and crazy about so many things. It drove him nuts, and he only took so much of it.I fully blame myself for breaking up with me..because no man would have taken it for as long as he did, and its so hard to swallow..I mean I look back now and I was absolutely crazy and regret the way I treated him. I look back and now i can see how much of a remarkable boyfriend he was.. When we broke up we did not contact each other at all, we didnt even send an email or speak during holidays or birthdays. I worked at making myself a better person since the breakup. I am very much still in love with him. This month he emailed me to tell me he was thinking of me and i melted..since then we have been talking online daily, just as a friends, nothing really about going back out. TOday i presented him the question if hes 100 percent sure he will never get back with me in this lifetime (he had said that before in an argument). I donno if I was stupid for asking but i just wanted to know because I was beginning to build up us getting back together playing itup in my mind. He said he didnt wanna get into it, and i told him it was a yes or no answer, and he said yes there was no chance. I just dont get why hes talking to me then giving me this false hope. I'm still not even remotely over him and love him very much, I know everyone probably says just move on..but please anyone I'm just looking at advice on what i should do, its easier said than done to just move on...

View related questions: broke up, get back together, move on, swallow

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A female reader, kaclarey United States +, writes (9 September 2012):

If you can't be mature about it then you should stop talking to him. Chances are he just wants to be friends, and if you can't handle being just friends, then you should not keep communicating with him. My ex and I talk, do I think we will get back together? No. Do I care? No. Move on, find some one who will treat you properly and love you like you love him.

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A female reader, discombobulated42 United States +, writes (27 June 2012):

I had that problem after a breakup. I didn't accept the friendship and went crazy and made everything so much worse. He grew to hate me, maybe because in my craziness I ended up cussing him out... (hint: don't do that.) Looking back, I wish I would have accepted the friendship, because then the amazing person would still admit to knowing me. My best advice is... accept his boundaries so you can still be near him. It hurts less than his hatred, and at the same time you can try new people and try to move on a little bit. Also, I suggest new people seperate from aything having to do with him, so they don't know your past with him.

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A female reader, Susan Walsh United States +, writes (9 January 2009):

It's so hard to move on when you have been reeled back in by hearing from him. But if he is telling you there is no chance for the future, you need to believe him. It sounds like you learned a lot in this first relationship, and would do things differently next time. And there may also be different qualities you would look for in the next guy. I believe you need to stop being in touch with him for now. Perhaps in time you could be friends, but right now the most important thing is that you get on with your life. There are great guys for you to meet, and one of them is going to be really happy that you are no longer with your ex.

www.HookingUpSmart.com

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A female reader, runnamuck Australia +, writes (9 January 2009):

im goin through the same trouble as u .. its sucks reallly bad he broke up with me about 4 months ago i still miss him every day ..even though he has been a jerk about it all and gave me false hope by flirtin pecking me . just messin around like we used to in the relationship .it was great i felt alive again .. i txt him to seee wat the go was he blamed it all on alcohol and said he cant remember but he said he remembers everything else but that .. i was devo... i think he remembrs it but doesnt want to ... i know how hard oit is to move on trust me .. it hurts soo much just thinking about him with another chick ... i loved him i woudl move heaven and earth 4 him .. its shit it hurts and its very difficlut i certanly do feel the pain ppl say it will get easier but to me its getting harder cos i dont have a friendship hes out of my life and it hurts if u wanna chat just add me :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009):

I know it must be really hard for you especially if you still have feelings for the guy...but if he has told you there is no chance of getting back together then don't waste you time. The best thing to do which I have done as been in a similiar situation is to start dating other guys this is the only way you will get over him, and yes you probably will meet a few jerks on the way but you may also meet someone who is right for you and does want to be with you. You're ex is using you as some kind of safety blanket just knowing you are there and still want to be with him is a big ego boost for him and yes he may still care for you and maybe in time he may change his way of thinking about you but for now you have to move on or else you will be in the same place this time next year. Get your confidence back start going out with other people and the ex will soon fade out of your life. Hope this helps you. :-)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009):

I have been broken up with my ex for a year now, and my best advice to you is to stop the contact if he is not showing interest in you. Me and my ex kept in contact for a few months, after our break up. Our contact started about 4 or 5 months after a hard break up. I said alot of stupid stuff to her that i regreted, and hurt her badly. I thought we would never speak again or get back together, but we did as friends. We talked as freinds, but things were not the same and that did not get anywhere and slowly that stopped to. Talking can only continue for so long, if hes not showing interest stop hurting yourself. I am sure you will still think about him, and that can very well be hurtfull enough for you. Dont make it harder. Best of luck.

A

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009):

Love can't be explained and has no time, if you guys find a spark who knows what could happen. Don't go into this thinking that you guys are meant for each other but be willing to give things another shot, you shouldn't let past experiences control you. Just give it a shot, be yourself, let things work themselves out and never say never.

Good luck :)

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (7 January 2009):

Stayc63088 agony auntMy ex did the same thing to me. We dated about 9 months and I started get jealous and insecure and ruined the relationship. A few months after that he started texting me, and since I had never gotten over him, I was sooo excited. I thought it meant we were getting back together. Eventually I got up the nerve to ask him if we would date again and he said, "we will never date again." To which I questioned to myself, why are you talking to me then??? All it does is give you false hope. I know you probably won't, but you should really stop talking to him altogether. He has no intention of dating again for whatever his reasons are and talking to him now is only making it worse for you. Everytime you talk you will think he is going to change his mind, remember how much he loves you, see how much you have changed and come back to you. It won't happen. If it ever did happen it wouldn't be now anyway. You said you don't want people to tell you to move on because it isn't easy. No it's not easy but it isn't meant to be. Everyone goes through it though and you do live. You have to take your experiences from where you messed up before and learn from your mistakes. Trust me I didn't think anyone understood what I was going through with my ex. I thought I was more in love with him than anyone could ever know and my life would be over without him. But after a lot of heartache of talking to him hoping he would come around, then getting let down everytime, I finally stopped talking to him. With my ex it also fueled his ego a bit that I was so attached to him and always asking him if we would get back together. If I could get over him you can get over your ex too. You can keep talking to him but you will get more and more let down every time he says you won't be together. False hope is what keeps us from moving on, we think there is still some chance. He has made it clear there isn't. You have no choice but to move on. When you are not so in love the 2 of you can talk as friends. For now it is only making it worse. And who knows, if it is meant to be then maybe it will.

PS- And don't hope he will notice the change in you and change his mind... It's more false hope of something that will probably never happen. Sorry if it sounds harsh, I just know from experience.

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A female reader, LIERIN United States +, writes (7 January 2009):

LIERIN agony auntGive him time, you don't know whats going to happen in 3 4 months from now. Stay friends, that gives you the oportunity to be in his presence ... and just go with the flow .. do not rush, do not ask, do not act stupid, be happy even when you are not, dont act like you know you were acting before. Be happy heis back in your life, because some of us don't get that oportunity ever again ... and believe me

IF ITS MENT TO BE, IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!

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A female reader, huneygyrl United States +, writes (7 January 2009):

huneygyrl agony auntIf your ex said there's no chance of getting back together, than girl...you should move on. You're right!! It's hard to just move on but you need to.

You can't force yourself on to someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. The more you do so, the more they push away. The more and more and more you pressure him, if he wants, he can file harassment charges against you. Don't be that person.

There's someone out there for everyone, he just isn't the one.

We can give you all the advice in the world however, you're a grown person. You'll do what you want to do.

Good luck!!

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