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My ex keeps giving me mixed signals - I've not done anything to deserve this, and it's just torture!

Tagged as: Long distance, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 July 2007) 6 Answers - (Newest, 17 July 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, *ndy00 writes:

Since mine and my Girlfriends long distance realtionship of 2 years broke up 3 weeks ago today, I can't help but hate how little contact I can make with her. For the first 2 weeks or so, I couldn't contact her due to her being on holiday. But since she got back 5 days ago, there has been very little contact, despite efforts.

On the Friday we spoke over a computer messenger programme. I heard all about her holiday and it sounded like she had a terrific time (And from what she says, nothing happened with any other guys, and I chose to believe this). We did speak briefly about the break up, which she didn't like, having just got home, so this was understandable. Then we briefly spoke on Saturday over the phone while I was at work when she rang me, everything sounded ok.

On Sunday, I text her saying that I hope she had a good weekend, and we could talk either that night if she wanted, or Monday. I got no reply. I rang her this afternoon and she was in town with her best friend (female), I said that we could talk later, as she insisted that now wasn't a good time to talk.

I just wish that; if she would rather not speak to me, then she should just say it!!! Don't give me mixed signals about anything!!! Suddenly she's contacting me out of nowhere, and then the next minute I feel like she doesn't want to speak.

Is it all in my head? Am I making a bigger deal out of this due to uncertainty? All I know is, It kills me how much of a victim I am in this. She breaks up with me, despite her still being in love with me and I with her, she goes on holiday for 2 weeks allowing time for all these questions and terrible thoughts run through my head, and now I feel like I'm losing contact. I've not done anything to deserve this, and it's just torture.

View related questions: at work, best friend, broke up, long distance, on holiday, text

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A male reader, Andy00 United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2007):

Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Andy00 agony auntThanks very much for the advice again, everyone.

I doubt I'm intentionally being treated the way I am, I just don't think she realises that she's giving me mixed signals (everybody has a different perspective when in this situation, am I right?). The possitive signals she gives is when she contacts me suddenly. Don't get me wrong, she isn't luvey-duvey or anything, but the fact is, it's still contact, it's still "I hope you're ok" and what have you. The negative side is if I text and get nothing back, then when I call her about it; "it in't a good time"

I do know that it's unfair, as you have said, and I just wished that she realised that she can't keep giving me mixed signals... But then, right now I don't want her to lose contact with me. I don't want her to stop loving me so soon after I tried to give her the best life I could give her and she threw it away.

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A female reader, kristinakutie United States +, writes (17 July 2007):

kristinakutie agony auntawhh.. this almost made me cry.. ahh. i agree you dont deserve to be treated like that, at all. you are so sweet. but you know, maybe she still does love you, but she thinks that she will always have you as like maybe a fall back guy.. if you know what i mean. but you need to show her that you arent her little toy, because you have a heart.. and rite now, it may be kind of broken, but none the less its still there, and she needs to respect it. i know this is going to be hard for you, but maybe you just should stop talking to her for awhile. until maybe you get more used to not having her around. its going to be really hard, trust me, been there, dont that.. but it honestly did me good not to talk to him. and the longer i went the easier it was.. i mean dont get me wrong, the first few months were so bad for me... idk, i was so messed up. but once you get past the rocky points, its guna be good, i promise.. i mean its been, ohh gosh like maybe 6 months now, and i still have a really bad day and i think to myself this would be one of those days that i would have called him, and i still love him, and i always will, but stopping talking to him was the rite thing to do. and i know that now. look, i know you mite not think thats its going to be a good thing now, but trust me.. it will be, and you will understand that. i promise. you will. maybe not rite away, but you will =]

good luck.. you might need it..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007):

Wait a minute! She is your EX-girlfriend, you know? SHE broke up with you, for whatever reason, and you are the one trying to keep contacting her.

Breaking up means the relationship you once had is over, finished, no longer exists.

It is normal to be sad when things end, and to think about what happened, but the point is to learn from the experience, give yourself some time to heal, and start moving on with your life, WITHOUT HER being in it.

Sorry, but that's what breaking up is about - and I know you are hurt. But the easiest way to get over it is to not stay in touch......she is sending you signals that she does not want to resume things, the way I read it.....

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (16 July 2007):

Danielepew agony auntI'm with flower girl. You know, the one sign you should consider is this: she broke up with you. That says it all. I also agree with you, you don't deserve this.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (16 July 2007):

eyeswideopen agony auntShe may feel that she is letting you down lightly and doesn't realize that it's torturing you. Let her contact you next. But from the sound of all this If I were you I'd try to start moving on with my life. I know it hurts but a clean break is sometimes easier to get over. Kinda like removing a band-aid.

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A female reader, flower girl United Kingdom +, writes (16 July 2007):

flower girl agony auntIf you are feeling like this about the way she is treating you, then the only advice i can offer as hard as it may be for you is to not contact her again.

If she try's to contact you then tell her that she is giving you mixed signals and it's messing your head up.

Your right you do not deserve to messed about like this so don't let her do it.

Take care.xx.

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