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My ex is pregnant with another man's baby, I have a child on the way to another woman, and now my ex wants me back.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Pregnancy, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 September 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 29 September 2008)
A male New Zealand age 36-40, *alesiteni writes:

Hello all,

Hmm, where do i start I am 34 years old and my ex partner is 24, my partner and i seperated this year in February. We were together for 4 years and had a 2 year old son. We broke up because she says that she has lost the love and feelings she once had for me.

Yeah rite, i think she just wanted to try another guy or my age became the factor. What ever the cause she is not open, self centered and pretty much sad to say had things her way. I loved her very much and did anything to make her happy, thats my true nature to anyone whether it be her family or friends.

She ended things with us, i was devasted and heartbroken with the outcome. I tried my best to ask for a chance and to make things work but she declined. I was still to this day regularly seeing our son and talking to her on a weekly basis for the sake of our son and the love i still had for her, i guess i still held on to her which may have caused more pain and heartache. A month later after our breakup she started dating a guy for 3 month and she ended the relationship. Just a few days ago she comes to see me and tells me that she is 4 months pregnant and dumbly decided maybe a week ago to check cause of her missing her periods.

I will not be a hypocrite as i have too dated after our breakup, but nothing serious and have had sex with women, i never loved them like i did with my ex, it was more of anger and sex and satisfying my lonely raging hormones, i didnt want to get my hopes up high with my ex as it may cause me more pain, i never meant to do the things i did, i was just hurt and angry, as a result i too have a child on the way through a one night stand with a 21 year old girl, who has informed me that she is now 5 and half months pregnant and i am the father and it was up to me to acknowledge it and not so much for us to get together for the sake of the child as it was only a night of sex thing, i gladly accepted the acknowledgement and responsibility but we are not together as i did not love her the way i loved my EX.

My ex wants me back, cant understand why all of a sudden she wants me now in her pregnant stage after waiting for her all these months and i was just getting over her and now i am more jealous and angry that she is pregnant, i waited for her, but never had my hopes up. I told her that i still loved her and that things are very complicated now that she has a child on the way and so do i as i told her. I told her i never meant to do the things i did, she broke my heart and now we are in the same situation, she doesnt want the father to know or be part of her unborn childs life.

I told her she should let him know, but she remains her answer to herself. I dont understand, i am more jealous and angry of her situation. She knows what im feeling, i know we in the same boat. i would love to take her back but not in her pregnant stage, knowing that the innocent unborn child is not mines, it just wouldnt be the same, i will always be there for our son, part of me say yes and the other says no, i'm in a 50/50 situation, thinking real hard and the future. I'm so sorry and need some advice

View related questions: broke up, heartbroken, jealous, my ex, one night stand, period

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A male reader, Palesiteni New Zealand +, writes (29 September 2008):

Palesiteni is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hello all,

Thank you very much for all your advices and support it has helpd me alot and given me direction for my future. Since my posting of my situation, i have been thinking real hard and long and have talked with my ex partner. I still havent made a decision yet as it is only early days. I forgot to mention that i have returned back to church as a born again christian, back in April this year. Having back my personal Relationship with God and Jesus have really strengthened and comforted me in all my trials and tribulations in life that we all go through. I have talked with 2 trusted friends from church that i can trust about my problems. They too have given me sum good advice. In the end im the one who has to make the decision if we are to get back together or not, it will happen soon.

Thank you very much to you all, much appreciated, God bless you all :)

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A female reader, justme3 United States +, writes (25 September 2008):

IF you have a family and so does she dont be stupid to leave them for her. w/e happend in the past has to stay there. I think it's a lil too late for her wanting to get back with you. Think bout those who have been there with you and the baby that's coming along and the mom-to-be that's gonna make you a father...dont make a mistake you're gonna regret later on

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008):

wow that is an incredible story and I think its messed up how she wants u back now. me personally think it will be dejavu again and plus she is having another dudes kid is horrible. find a woman that can appreciate u. not obeyed that just needs u because she is pregnant. don't be stupid. just be a good father to your son.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008):

Dude I feel for you but disregard the answer from ladyeelove which I know you will do.

Lady, he said it was the result of a one night stand and there is nothing between them. That is not going to work, they do not even appear to know each other. Kids should only be born into happy homes but hey, it not always happen that way.

Dude, you need to think long and hard. You and your ex have history, a child and a family together. Why does she want you back? Is it for security with a baby coming, is it driven through fear of being alone through this and having to cope alone when it arrives? Is it because she realises that she does in fact have feelings for you?

You need to find out why and then look at it. Then you can decide if you can work, if you can forgive, let go of your pain and hurt, if you can raise another child that is not yours. If you can, then go for it. If you cant then remain getting on with your life, explain to her your reasons and stay civil with her for your sons sake, he needs two happy parents who can get on as friends if nothing else.

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A female reader, LaydeeLove..x United Kingdom +, writes (23 September 2008):

you should be with the other woman as she has your child on the way your ex has hurt you so much in the past and even broke your heart how can you forgive her for that this other woman has your baby on the way you should get it dna checked and if it is your you should stay with her as when that child grows up he / she is going to go mad about his father leaving him for some other woman when his mother was pregnant with him x

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