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My ex is living with his partner but confessing to love me. Is he playing games?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 December 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 19 December 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I split with my partner two years ago. He gets in contact every few months to say he misses me etc. Not long after we split (he ended the relationship) he met someone else. He’s confessed it was a rebound. Last month he told me that I’m the only person he’s ever loved and that he wants to be with me. However, he is still living with his partner.

Is he trying to play games with me?

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (19 December 2017):

Caring Aunty A agony auntHe is playing you and his GF at the same time! Covering all his bases. This guy (be he an EX) does not sound like a guy you or any GF can really trust emotionally? He’s in between the sheets with his GF who no doubt is being emotionally deceived and or unaware of his behaviour to woo and seduce you back with memories of yesteryear.

I’d reflect on why your relationship faltered in the first place with this guy 2 years ago. Last time I checked; recycling is for paper, plastic and cans.

I say his current relationship is waning and he doesn’t like the future feel of cold sheets, or perhaps sleeping alone, so naturally he reminisces, which leads to a plot... Here he sends out his feelers in your direction over the months to see if there’s any hope, a bite? However for him to call back every few months he would have been given a sign of hope or some small bit of encouragement to keep doing so?

I think if you don’t want the emotional roller-coaster that this will certainly bring upon your sanity, or him doing this behind your back when he gets tired of you again; I'd block him as others have wisely suggested.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 December 2017):

Honeypie agony auntOh, OP

He DEFINITELY is playing you. He has settled into a routine with this newer woman (rebound or not is irrelevant) and he is a bit bored. So by contacting you and laying it on THICK, he is hoping you might drop your knickers o occasion.

If you were REALLY the only one he was ever in love with, don't you think he would have figured that out in the last 2 years? Ended his current relationship and working on getting you back? Instead, he is staying with his current GF and wooing you, to have a backup plan in case the current one doesn't work out.

You two didn't work out. HE chose to LEAVE you two years ago. He keeps contact every few months to keep FRESH in your mind so that YOU do not move on to another guy. Telling you he LOVES you is another layer of making sure you don't move on. YOU want to be loved so you are lapping up his empty words.

OP, honey... BLOCK him and work on moving on.

How would you feel if YOUR partner were working on buttering up another woman while still dating YOU?

You say not long after the split he started seeing someone else... Well, how do you know he wasn't actively working on wooing her while still with you?

You are wasting your time on a man who isn't serious about you. It doesn't take 2 years to come to the realization that your EX is the one you really love or that you aren't happy with your current relationship.

YET, he is STILL with her.

BLOCK him and work on moving on. It's been 2 years. Why waste more time on this one?

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (18 December 2017):

N91 agony auntOf course he is messing you around.

Very sleazy behaviour, if he had anything about him he would of ended his relationship and be living without his current partner before announcing his love for you.

My guess? He's going to try to get you to fall for him again or possibly go one further and try and get some sex on the side of his relationship.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 December 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntBasically his new relationship has come to the end of its honeymoon stage and settled down into normal mundane everyday life. It is no longer exciting enough to keep his full attention, just as his relationship with you wasn't a couple of years ago.

You are "the only person he’s ever loved"? Oh PLEASE. So what has he been doing the last 2 years? Proving his love for you? Get a grip, sister. He is keeping you on the back burner in case the current relationship runs its course. If he can do this to this woman, he is unlikely to act any better towards you. If you took him back, knowing how he has behaved, could you trust him to not be contacting his ex behind your back?

In your shoes I would cut contact and move on with my life and find someone who proves what they say with their actions.

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