A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Ok,I had been dating this woman for around 9 months and things seemed fine. I then found she had cheated and lied throughout our time together. I took it really badly and shouted at her. We took a small break and I decided to forgive her.We recently seperated and I have heard she has accused me of being violent towards her and even raping her! At NO time did I ever get violent and I CERTAINLY did NOT rape her!Anyway,it still worries me that these stories of fantasy are being thrown around. What is my best course of action? Do I report her to the police for slander of character?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): I complitely agree with elpigaro.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy + ♥, writes (29 September 2009):
Hell yes report her to the police. They'll tell you whether you can bring charges against her. You could even take a lie detector test and flash it to everyone who questions you, so they know she's lying.
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A
male
reader, Mr Nice +, writes (29 September 2009):
 My advice would go to the police now and tell them what happened. Tell them you dont want to take any action but just in case it goes any further at least you have been honest and upfront from the start.
I would also suggest, if you havent already done so, losing all contact with her and her mates. Dont give her any reason to keep telling the lies and hope that the people you care about will believe you and know its a lie. It really is a dispicable thing to do accuse someone of so she must be pretty messed up mentally. Feel happy you got out now mate!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Exactly this happened to my brother and he did nothing and even though it was a lie, the wrong people heard these "fantasies" and he ended up spending a weekend in jail. He was only 17 and is a completely broken person now.
I wouldn't know what to do in the UK, but you do need to do something. Dr Psych seems to know what you should do.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych + ♥, writes (29 September 2009):
 The police won't be interested in slander (in the UK it is called 'defamation of character'). If you hired a solicitor in relation to this matter it would be up to you to prove her allegations were false - this would involve getting a police report showing you have no assault charges against you and getting witnesses who are prepared to state in court that she has been talking about you in this way. You could pursue her for damages in court and have a public record of the whole case.
If this is really upsetting you then you could ask a solicitor to write her a letter stating that action will be taken if she continues to spread lies. You don't have to act on that letter afterwards if you don't want to. The chances are that your ex is just attention seeking and trying to put herself in a good light in view of the breakup. She will get bored and I expect people who know you and matter to you wouldn't listen to her allegations anyway since she hasn't reported them to the police or any official agency.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): Im not sure that you have too much in the way of legal recourse at this point, it would turn into a he said she said I believe you would be better to ignore it as its likely she would only get more encouragement out of any case youd take against her.
If anbody questions you on it Id be inclined to point out that these accusations only started after ye split up and that she has never mentioned this to anyone who is in a position of authority.
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