A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How should I feel? My ex-girlfriend is pregnant by another man and wants me to take her to get a abortion?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2016): Sorry but due to the limited background provided I have to mention the following possibility: She has no intention of having an abortion and is hoping she can manipulate you into "talking her out of it" and volunteering to pass the kid off as yours.
That is if she's even pregnant. Maybe she's just looking for a way to elicit your sympathy so she can weasel her way back into your life.
No offense intended, just want to be sure you consider all possible scenarios and motivations based on the information available.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 March 2016):
 I see a very high chance of you ending up very much used and then tossed away like garbage.
You don't say how long ago you broke up, or how old she is, and what her relationship was to that other man. I would have wanted to know all that before I posted this, because it would define what is truly going on.
You give your age as 41-50. How old is she? I would understand this kind of request for help if she were an innocent 23 year old (I've seen boys and girls much younger than that who would outsmart me in a second). I don't think this would be a good request if it comes from another forty something.
I don't see how it would be right for you to get involved with somebody else's baby.
I beg to disagree with the aunts who suggested you could make a monetary contribution. Has the thought crossed your mind that maybe the two of them want YOU to pay for THEIR abortion?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 March 2016):
 You should feel..surprised, I guess. This is a strange thing to ask an ex, and not a particularly tactful one, maybe. How come she has not got ONE relative or female friend to ask the same favour from ?
Well, maybe it's a secret ,she does not want anybody in her current social circle to know, that's why she is turning to an ex.
But ... there are things called taxis, you know ? If the problem is financial ( she can't afford it ), you could make a chivalrous gesture and offer to help by covering the transportation costs.
Otherwise , if the problem is not simply one of transportation, but she expects emotional support, someone to hold her hand before the procedure, a shoulder to cry on after, this type of things,- no frankly I'd beg out in your place. It's not to show lack of compassion, but it's about boundaries. An ex is an ex , someone who is NOT close to you anymore, she should not ask you the things she would ask from a partner. So, unless after breaking up you have stayed best closest friends and you are constantly present in each other's life- I feel it is wiser and more appropriate if you do not get dragged into her private, emotional sphere, and , if you really want to help, which you do not HAVE to- limit your help to a practical, monetary contribution if needed.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (26 March 2016):
 How ex is ex? If it is a relatively recent ex and this dude is part of the reason you are no longer together then- Nope. If you are far enough removed from the situation and you ok with it then ,why not. It's pretty ballsy to be asking an ex for help, especially of this magnitude so I guess she is desperate because he is a dick. Up to you, but it is more than ok to say that you don't feel comfortable in doing so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2016): Hi there, you seem to be a very nice guy and gentleman like. Has your ex stayed in touch with you as friends after you broke up? It's all up to you to decide to help her or not to help her. As honeypie said you don't owe your ex a thing!! If I were you I would stay out of this situation. But if you go for it, keep it strictly platonic. I don' know your ex but make sure you look after yourself and make sure you are not being taken advantage of. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Topfuel24 +, writes (25 March 2016):
Abortion is her choice, however, you don't want to see her get hurt more than what you have seen her. Help her the best way you can without any attachments then after the storm is gone go on with your life and never look back.
Been there done that...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2016): Obviously the guy who put her in this situation doesn't care and doesn't want to bear the responsibility. She should have the baby and sue the bastard for child support and everything she is entitled to.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 March 2016):
 How should you feel?
I can't tell you that, only YOU can.
So... how DO you feel?
My guess is she needs a shoulder to lean on and maybe because she knows you still care on some level, she has turned to you. Or maybe she knows that you are the kind of person who would be willing to lend a shoulder.
Does it mean you HAVE to do it?
No.
My advice is, if you FEEL you CAN do it and support her, then go for it but KEEP IT strictly platonic.
If you FEEL like you can't or won't deal with her baggage, then decline in a polite manner. Suggest she take a good friend instead. You don't OWE her a thing.
Personally though, do you think it would hurt to be nice to this girl who is already down? It's quite a big deal emotionally for her.
So figure out where you stand and then be honest with her.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (25 March 2016):
 so basic was with another guy, and wants you get rid of the unborn baby. she is putting you through a lot emotionally if you ask me.
i think you should wash your hands of her and not be drawn into this with her.she is basically putting you into the middle of this .
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (25 March 2016):
 In answering your question I'm assuming she's not asking you to pay for the abortion, just needing a ride to the clinic and back.
Let me say first off that it is probably a legitimate request for help. Depending on the type of abortion she may be given medications that do not permit her to drive herself. That said, it is quite strange that she would ask you. Did you remain on particularly friendly terms when the relationship ended?
The obvious first choice for this role would be the man who got her pregnant, assuming she's sure of his identity. Is there a reason that you know of why she can't or won't ask him to do this for her?
In her shoes I'd also exhaust my list of close friends and family members before turning to an ex. Can you think of any reason why this might not be an option for her, for example a strictly religious family?
Other than guessing at why she may not be ABLE to make this request of anyone seemingly more appropriate or currently closer to her in her life, I honestly have no idea why she's asking you. If you feel comfortable accommodating the request, the kind thing to do would be to help her. But you don't in any way owe it to her to help if it's not something you're okay with being part of, whatever your reasons may be. If you'd rather not be involved, politely but firmly decline the request. You didn't create the situation and you have no obligation to be part of the solution she has chosen.
Hope this helps. Best wishes moving forward!
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