A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex broke things off with me 2 months ago, but still wanted to be friends with me. I keep telling him that I don't do friends with exs, but he keeps calling me trying to arrange for us to go out or turning up on my doorstep. I haven't contact him at all in this time - it's all been him. Thing is when he does contact me, I get negativity from him. He doesn't seem to realise that by being like this, it is actually make me dislike him.There seems to be a huge resentment on his part. I don't know whether it is stemming from the relationship break-up (or the one with his ex-fiancee) or whether it is because I keep turning down his efforts to see me, yet he made it clear that he was more than happy to split up with me.It doesn't help that I still have feelings for him, and yet I don't understand why he is trying to hurt me when it was him that was treating me badly. I always treated him with love and respect, I encouraged him and supported him. I have been really strong and resisted all temptation to contact him.He always told me that he has never been treated well by girls and his fiancee of 5 years cheated on him. I don't know whether he was scared of getting hurt so sabotaged our relationship? Thing is I wouldn't have hurt him and I don't know why he tries to provoke me into hurting him.I feel like my head is going to explode because I just don't know why he wants to keep in contact with me and yet seems to have this underlying resentment there. I am so confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): Your ex boyfriend seems to be regretting breaking off your relationship. He is resentful because of any number of things...he may feel that he worked hard at your relationship and his efforts went unrecognized and underappreciated....he may be sad and angry over the loss of you, even though he broke it off. He may have desired a change in you, and broke off with you to make a point about what he would and would not tolerate in your relationship. Sometimes it is hard to admit that we had a part in the relationship problem to begin with. You may both just be incompatible, but it could be something that is not that hard to change, like your attitude about discussing issues, etc....
It sounds like he is using the let's be friends thing to try and work out your relationship without sex interfering in the mix to see if he still loves you, that is my Guess, but without more history it is just a guess on my part.
I suggest talking to him about what he thinks need to change for the two of you to start being friends again and start your relationship back up, that is if that is what you want.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (22 February 2007):
 Next time he calls you or comes around, (whatever he does first) then tell meet for a coffee (or take him in for a coffee) and TALK to him. Ask him exactly what it is he's wanting from you. Remind him it was him that broke things off with you and if he isn't interested in getting back with you then he needs to move on with his life. Being friends doesn't work with you and ask him to respect that. Let him know that all he's doing is confusing you and causing you to grow to dislike him.
Hopefully he'll open up to you and let you know the real reason why he keeps in touch with you.
Eve
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