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My ex boyfriend says he wants me back but is dating another girl?

Tagged as: Pregnancy, Teenage, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2014) 16 Answers - (Newest, 1 September 2014)
A female United States age 18-21, *oveisforeverwhenitsreal writes:

Ok, so me and my boyfriend had been together for 9 months and we found out I was pregnant. His parents through a big fit over it that eventually caused us to break up. This was almost a month ago. Now he's dating another girl and I still love him. He knows this and tells me he still loves me too. He says that he doesn't really care about the other girl but does has some feelings for her. Friday night he cheated on her with me and told he would rather have me and is thinking about going back out with me and we kissed. Well, actually he kissed me. He told me he missed me and loves me. It's Sunday morning and to my knowledge those two are still together.... My friends think he's playing me like he did a couple of his exs but I was his longest relationship, we took each other's virginity and we were each other's first love. I don't think he is playing me but I don't know. I tried to make our contact only about the baby and he asked me not to move not to give up on him that it wasn't to late for us and then he kissed me Friday. What do I do? I need some serious advice and I need it fast. Help me please

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A female reader, anonymous12345678910 United Kingdom +, writes (1 September 2014):

I would give him a chance.Don't worry about the other girl-you're pregnant,you take priority.Tell him you'll have him back but he needs to break up with the other girl,get him to do it over the phone in front of you so you know he's not lying.Don't ever tell her you were listening in though as that would be pretty evil.If he won't break up with her then you may be dealing with a player,but it's up to you whether you put up with it and wait for him to grow up or not.To be fair not many guys want to settle down and only have sex with one girl for the rest of their life at 16,so if he cheats it doesn't necessarily mean that he will never make a good partner.If he has casual sex with other girls but treats you well otherwise and keeps them discreet could you cope with it? You can't be having stress when you're trying to look after a new baby at 15 though it's going to be tough and you need supportive people around you.It might be better for you to just have him as a friend and let him come round and see his daughter if you're going to argue a lot or if he's going to see other girls and it's going to get to you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 September 2014):

Honeypie agony auntYou have to figure out for yourself what is right for you. If you FEEL HE is what you want, then I would suggest you 1. talk to your parents and 2. talk to him. Set boundaries for what is OK and what is NOT OK.

I know you think we bash you for no good reason. All anyone on DC can go by, is what you write. I am guessing you took offense when I wrote that you sound naive. But here is the thing, I don't KNOW you from Eve. All I can do is go by what you wrote and going by that, you SOUND naive to me. Doesn't mean I'm right, but don't you think..... IF this guy LOVED so so much, he wouldn't BE with another girl? He wouldn't STRING her along? And you too?

You are LISTENING to what he says. Not paying attention to what he DOES. He is STILL with her, so really? Where is the "love" for you? HE KNOWS what to say to make you think he is a good guy and that he WANTS to be there for you, but his actions... don't.

Wanting a family for your baby is not a bad thing, but thinking that a baby HAS to have a mom & dad who are together in order to grow up good it's off. Many MANY kids grow up with one parent, sometimes with step parents, blended families, you name it and grow up fine.

What a child needs is stability, routines and affection.

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A female reader, loveisforeverwhenitsreal United States +, writes (1 September 2014):

loveisforeverwhenitsreal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

loveisforeverwhenitsreal agony auntWell, if you all don't think he's worth anything then could you give some advice on how to move on and get over him? I tried giving back his stuff and taking mine back and getting rid of pictures so the memories aren't staring me right in the face and that was when he asked me to give him time and to wait for him. How do I move on?

(Mod note: as the OP has had some helpful answers, this question will remain if that is what the OP wishes. The age discrepancy between the profile and the admitted age of the OP on this answer requires the mods to inform the OP that no further submit take can be accepted. The OP may start a new account with accurate age details.)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

Ok if he wants to be with you he must end the relationship with other girl and be with you and his child. I dont see any other way ! Talk is cheap he should show you that he is honest and it wont happen unless he ends his relationship first.

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A female reader, loveisforeverwhenitsreal United States +, writes (1 September 2014):

loveisforeverwhenitsreal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

loveisforeverwhenitsreal agony auntOkay, I've heard plenty of insults now. Any of you ever thought that maybe I want him back for my daughter as well? Well, i do. I don't want her growing up with parents who hate each other or not even knowing her father. Most people tell me I've very mature for not giving up on him and trying to fix our relationship before the baby gets here. If you are not going to give me any decent advice and if you're just going to insult me and my child's father then please just stop commenting. Trust me, I'm taking what everyone has said to me to heart. Thank you

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A female reader, loveisforeverwhenitsreal United States +, writes (1 September 2014):

loveisforeverwhenitsreal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

loveisforeverwhenitsreal agony auntI know I should listen to his actions more than his words, it's just I've known him for 2 years and was with him for a big majority of that time and he's never acted like this. He doesn't cheat and he's never lied to me. I know his actions right now are saying otherwise. I wanted advice for as to why he was stringing me on and maybe to see if there would still be a chance for me and Myron but I doubted it before and now I really do. I just wanted some actual advice, not just something I could get off of a fortune cookie. I mean you all have helped me before with this same relationship. Just a few months you all helped me decide to not give up on him because he loved me and I loved him and now you're telling me he's not worth it? I just don't understand. If someone has ever experienced this same thing before I'd love to hear your advice. Please

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (1 September 2014):

Honeypie agony auntHe already replaced you within a month, and he claims to not CARE for her so he can get sex from you AND her.

Wake up and smell the hot chocolate.

If I may be frank, You sound way too naive to soon be a mom. You have so much growing up to do. Focus on that and your pregnancy.

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A female reader, loveisforeverwhenitsreal United States +, writes (1 September 2014):

loveisforeverwhenitsreal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

loveisforeverwhenitsreal agony auntWe are both 15. He turns 16 this month and yeah he's looking for a job and we are both finishing high school and going to college. And thank you very much but baby girl does come first but it's hard to move on from your first love and the father of your child. And no this isn't made up, sadly and no, I'm not looking to hear what I want. I was looking for some helpful advice. Not, here just move on from him forget it ever happened. Were 15! We're scared, were confused and he is more than anything because of the circumstances that lead to everything and I don't know maybe you all are correct but I personally feel that he maybe telling the truth but okay I'll take your advice. I'll forget him and try yet again to move on from him... Thanks :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

What you do is forget about him and focus on your baby. He knows where you live when he decides to man up and be with you exclusively in the open. Is he even looking for a job? Because your baby will need money!

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (1 September 2014):

I think a lot of what you say is just what you've made-up.

What was the point of your post? To be told what you wanted to hear? As I said. You'll have to learn the hard way.

Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014):

"All I asked, was if you all think he was being honest when he kissed me and told me he wanted to be with me again . . ."

No. Whatever the circumstances of your breakup, he still quickly moved on dating another girl and so he is now seeing you behind the backs of not only his parents but also an innocent third party.

". . . and what I should do a result of such."

Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES.

He is already bringing a child into the world under circumstances that don't bode well for anyone concerned, especially the child, yet he couldn't even keep it zipped for less than a month.

As previously asked, if he's telling you that he doesn't really care for her while stringing her along and cheating with you then what do you think he's telling her about you?

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A female reader, loveisforeverwhenitsreal United States +, writes (31 August 2014):

loveisforeverwhenitsreal is verified as being by the original poster of the question

loveisforeverwhenitsreal agony auntGuys, he didn't dump me. His parents threatened me and my mother called the police. The police got involved. After they got involved, his dad threatened to have him sent off for getting me pregnant if he didn't stay away from me.

Neither one of us had a choice.

We got a decent cop involved and that cop explained to him that he can't get in trouble for being with me. At first he asked this girl out to see if I still cared about him and well I do.

I've dated plenty of players and he's is not one. He never once pressured me into anything and he hasn't kissed her yet.

He wants to be an active part in the baby's life. He was excited when we found out. All I asked, was if you all think he was being honest when he kissed me and told me he wanted to be with me again and what I should do a result of such.

Now unless you can bring forth some actual advice and not bash my fathers child, please help me.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (31 August 2014):

You read too many romance novels, or this guy has been feeding you a truckload of candy-coated (bleep)!!!

He's playing her for you and you for her. People have even warned you that's how he rolls. You get yourself pregnant, and now you're back at it again with the same jerk who made you a teen-mother; while he's still out dating other girls.

His parents didn't break you up. They pressured him to peel you off; so he can have a life and future; and not be tied down with you. He's not leaving her. He's just getting whatever sex comes his way. You think you can seduce him back with sex? The jokes on you!

You have to learn the hard way, young lady. Reality has to hit you in the face before you can see it for what it is.

Your responsibility is to make life better for you and your baby. All you need from him is money for the baby, and to visit his child. Keep yourself out of the picture. He's a player. If you gave yourself a little more time to grow up, you'd be mature enough to see that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2014):

I think you shouldnt consider getting back with this man. He doesnt respect you and doesnt respect his current girlfriend. Youre just setting yourself for the biggest heartache oc your life. Hes bad news.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2014):

I think the fact he cheated on his current girlfriend says enough.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2014):

"What do I do? I need some serious advice and I need it fast."

Loveisforeverwhenitsreal, you need to get the stars out of your eyes and realize your ex is a lying, cheating scumbag who dumped you as soon as he found out you were pregnant and is now telling you what you want to hear so he can string you along while cheating on his new girlfriend. If you don't think that's playing you, then what would he have to do to you to convince you he is? And what do you think he's telling the new girlfriend about YOU?

You also need to accept the cold, harsh reality that you will very likely end up as a single mother raising a kid completely on your own with absolutely no help from a deadbeat, absentee sperm donor who is not ready to be tied down with a kid because he's too busy having his fun with other chicks.

In other words you need to grow up, and fast. You are now responsible for an unborn child who is completely dependent on you for his/her very survival. THAT should be your first priority, not your love life and not that scumbag.

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