A
female
age
41-50,
*errilious
writes:I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years now. We've had our ups and downs but we pulled through. We also had lots of arguments. On our last argument we had I went to work, came home and he packed his things and left. My ex bf now, left a letter on my our bed explaining why he left stating that he wasn't the perfect man I deserved and that he loves me to death and will never cheat on me. We made contact that night he left came to a agreement that we were having a break, but promised to each other that we weren't gonna start seeing other people. I believed him. Our 6 weeks break we contacted each other every day stating how much we love each other he also said that he misses me very much and he will be home soon and we will make up for lost time. Little I knew he was intimate with someone after 2 weeks when he left here and now they are in a relationship. He broke up with me over the phone, asked me to pack the rest of his things and drop it over to his mates house. I did that to prove to him that I love him. My question is he met her 2 weeks after he left here and now the new gf and him are rubbing everything in my face saying how compatible they are how they are so similar planning to have a baby and getting matching tattoos ect...why are they doing this to me especially him, after all I gave him my all I never loved any men in my life time of relationship as much as I do him. Why is he doing this to me? Does he still love me and compensating the pain he's going through with our break up. Please help me?
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female
reader, Berrilious +, writes (9 October 2017):
Berrilious is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone for their answers and advice's. I really took everything into heart, that yes I do deserve better than my ex. It will take time to heal, as I love him very much. Thank you again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2017): It is quite possible he's happier now. What's wrong with that?
Now you are free to focus on getting a guy closer to the kind of man you want and deserve.
If he flaunts his happiness in your face; could it be because you may have said some things in anger that dug deep? That you were nasty and mean all the time; and he just wants a little payback?
We all get a little karma for our cruelties to others. It's natural to characterize our exes to be complete villains. We get to tell one-side of the story. We get all the sympathy.
If you were perfectly good, why were you wasting your time with a villain? If you had a good relationship; why did you argue so much? If he had a good thing, why did he go find another woman? Why would he leave you?
Eventually you will get-over him; and you'll be glad about it. You will find someone wonderful, and you'll also want to flaunt it in his face. It won't make any difference; because if you were meant for each other, you'd still be together.
Love and life continues after breakups. Breakups either build us up; or we let them tear us down. I prefer to be strong over weak! We take-away survival-skills, improve on how we handle future-relationships; or become insecure failures. Dragging around baggage, and a dump-truck full of insecurities. I'm not letting anyone turn me into that!!!
Everyone comes on here like a victim. The truth is, the rejection hurts. It's embarrassing, and it's a total blow to the ego. Bruised-egos suck!
To imagine someone we used to be with, happy with someone else is hurtful. It shouldn't last too long. If it didn't work; why continue wasting time, feelings, and energy that all went into fighting instead of loving each other?
Put your emotions aside; just long enough to use some logic and common-sense to figure this mess out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2017): He's being mean to help you let-go. He was trying to make a drama-free getaway; and already had a girl on the sidelines.
He had to be smooth; so he played you, I'm afraid. If you had a lot of arguments; he knows your moods and your temper. He also knows; neither he nor you, were going to change over-night. You were both being like the bad-kids who are good two-weeks before Christmas. It wasn't going to last long before you had another of your typical fights. Distance was what kept you both civil with each other. He was out of your reach; and he promised you something good, if you behaved yourself.
He made a slick transition. He didn't meet her in a 2-week period. My guess is, she was the girl on the side. Why do you think he was all packed while you were at work? So he could slide out the door, and you wouldn't know the difference. A hassle-free well-executed escape. I think the letter was a clever touch. What a smooth bastard he is?!!
They are rubbing it in your face as an irritant to make you detach. I was told I "deserved better;" when I got dumped four years ago. I was blindsided just like you. Only, I didn't have the benefit and closure of a kind letter; or even arguments to piss me off. We were having a great time.
One thing for sure! He was right! I did deserve better; and I found him too! I never looked back. I went complete no contact and cold-turkey. I went through my emotional-withdrawal and detachment-process like a champ! It was excruciating! Even had relapses.
I ended-up here on DC, writing articles to vent my feelings. Then I decided to use my wisdom and strong sense of empathy to help others. I healed, because I never looked back and didn't care what he was doing with his life. I was hurting; but I found I hurt less when he was out of sight. Which put him out of mind. I struggled, had my ups and downs. Now here I am. Found myself a gorgeous wonderful guy!
Let him go. Block his number. Delete them from social media, and go ghost for a few months. Avoid your old hang-outs and common-friends. Make some new ones. Avoid dating until you're sure you won't go "rebounding" all over the place.
No drunk-texting, showing-up where they are accidentally-on-purpose; no more ruminating about the old-times, and don't stalk him on social media. Stop whining, no more tears for him. Wish them both well. You'd feel better if you weren't bitter. That's empowering them both over your emotions. They can only push your buttons, if you let them.
You have to put-up your defenses and protect yourself. You have to accept that he chose her. Which leaves you free to find someone better. Ha-ha-ha! I did! I don't give a rat's ass who my ex is with; or how happy he is! I'm concerned with my own life.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 October 2017):
 You should celebrate the fact that you're FREE from this asshole and you actually got saved from a potential disaster. Imagine if this had happened 5 years and one child later! When they tell you how happy they are, beam at them and wish them all the best. And I think you should mean it because those two idiots genuinely need all the luck they can get!
And no, he doesn't love you and never did.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (8 October 2017):
 Their relationship is dooooooomed!
She knows it and that is why she is so desperate to clinch the deal with a baby .... I hope their matching tattoos are somewhere really visible, and YUGE so that when it all comes crumbling down he will have a perfect reminder of what a dickhead he is every time he looks in the mirror.
No, he doesn't love you, people who love other people don't cause that degree of hurt and pain.
Block them both, and if he does try to come crawling back don't let him in the door. We all deserve better than him.
Hang in their, it does get better.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (8 October 2017):
 This one actually made me smile, because the extremities of the situation are so extreme and comical to me that they're almost a parody of themselves. Allow me to explain:
He is not over you, but he is such a selfish absolute asshole that you should immediately get to work in disconnecting emotionally from him.
In her eyes, you are such a huge threat that she is pulling out all the stops in trying to mark her territory! BABIES?! Tattoos?! Jesus. Had I seen a text like that with my mouth full of a beverage, I would have spit it out all over my phone! OMG I would be EGGING her on to get the biggest, gaudiest tattoo of his name with stars, dancing naked ancient Greek babies with angel wings right across her chest. You *HAVE* to see how desperate this woman is!
She is a NIGHTMARE. She is making him do all of this with you to keep getting laid. SIX WEEKS?? Honestly?? Come on. She has a major screw loose, and give him 3 months, and he'll be running, begging, pleading to get away.
But here's where my laughter stops. You cannot take this asshole back! He does not deserve your love, nor one tear, one ounce of your pining for him. If anything, you should have so much disdain and nausea over him being near you that merely being within 5 feet of him should give you dry heaves!
Your relationship was nearing its expiration date! He flaked out on you by disappearing. It's time to move on with your life. Leave him to Mistress Desperate and her crazy jealousy. Stop talking to him. If she texts you, I don't know whether to tell you to mess with her mind or just to wish her well, so I'll listen to the angel on my shoulder and advise radio silence to you. Block her and let her eat static. Seriously. She's going to blow a blood vessel. Go your own way.
The sooner you get rid of him from your heart, the sooner your life will be 500% better than the life-sucking soul-stealing future your ex-boyfriend's about to find himself in. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK when he asks you. Feel vindicated, but JUST SAY NO!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 October 2017):
 I think the reason they are BOTH texting you now is that HE is trying to prove to her that he DOES love her more. My guess is he SAW some of the texts in those weeks they were dating AFTER you two broke up.
She is doing it to make HERSELF feel better about being the rebound.
What you do is.... BLOCK and delete BOTH their number and move on.
People who try SO hard to "prove" to other that they are just the BEST ever match... are either ignoring things or they really don't know each other that well... yet.
My second piece of advice is this, WHEN/IF they break up... don't take him back. I say that going by his actions. He was trying to string you along while testing out the waters with the other girl... Just in case THEY didn't work out he might come back to you... until he found someone else. Don't BE the fall-back girl.
You ask if he still loves you? I don't really think so. If he still loved you he would NOT have strung you along with all those empty promises and he wouldn't RUB it in your face that HE has a new GF already. Sorry.
BLOCK them and move on.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (7 October 2017):
 Oh sweetheart, you deserve so much better.
They are doing this because HE feels guilty about the way he has treated you and the only way he can feel less guilty is by making out it was all YOUR fault, and SHE is insecure in the relationship, so the only way each of them can feel better is by making YOU suffer. Assuming he is at least of a similar age to you, having matching tattoos to prove how compatible they are? Seriously? How pathetic.
They are both sad individuals and you need to block the pair of them and cut them out of our life. Then shake yourself down, tell yourself you deserve someone much better (because you DO!) and move on with your life.
Sending hugs. Stay strong. I know you think you love him but you love what you THOUGHT he was, not what he has turned out to be.
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