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female
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anonymous
writes: Im a 31 divorcee (of 3 yrs) and have recently split up with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 yrs. He too was separated, his wife cheated on him 3 yrs ago. He says he loves me but his head's all screwed up, and not just because of his ex - I'm sure he's depressed but he won't open up to me. He thinks he will only hurt me again if we get back together (I broke up with him). We still keep in touch by phone/text and we meet up once in a while. A close friend recently said to me that it's not healthy the way he still gets in touch with me as often as he does and how does that help me to move on?! I know he's having a difficult time, so part of me wants to be there for him. Also, I think it's hard because I am scared of being on my own so I hold on to whatever I can of him. Weak/Stupid/Feeble I hear you all say. Maybe I am, but I'm only human. I just don't know what to do!
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female
reader, missdee +, writes (30 September 2005):
Weak/Stupid/Feeble you are NOT. There is nothing wrong with remaining friends with your ex. What are we suppose to do hate them?? That's not right. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean that you lose all the feelings you had for that person. Trying to make yourself hate someone just because your relationship didn't work out with that person is Not Healthy.
I have been divorced from my ex for 18 years and we still talk on the phone sometimes for a hour or more. Especially when he is having problems and needs someone to talk to. I am happily married for 9 years now and he isn't married but I remain friends with my ex and hopefully always will.
You never know things might work out for you and your ex, if not you can always be there for each other. After all you did spend a year and a half of your life with each other.
A
reader, pops +, writes (30 September 2005):
At your age, if you don't know what to do, you probably need to see a counselor. By now you should have learned how to end relationships and move on. He may be having problems, and they may be worse now that you have left him. But, you can't help him move on with his life, or deal with his depression. Its nice not to burn bridges with ex lovers, and wives, or husbands, but there is a difference in being polite, and friendly, and trying to remain their best friend and help mate. Let him find his help somewhere else. He will survive. You have enough problems to deal with yourself. Spend your energy dealing with you. Get some help, and get on with life. You can find a man who doesn't have this guy's problems who will love you, and respect you.
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