A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is what happened my ex and I just stop talking to each other back in December of 2007 and well I look for him about two months later to talk to him and be friends again. Time has passed after five months later we talked about what had happened why neither of us had called each other. We became friends after he had asked me to forgive him for yelling and getter really upset at me. He told me that he had hope that it would not be the last time we would talk. I ask him if he had a girlfriend already and he had said yes that he has been with this girl for a month and a half already. Now I dont know what to do I dont want to keep in touch with him anymore because I realized that evertime we talked over the phone I get sad and get depressed and start crying almost every night. I want to stop being so misrabel. So I decided to not call him anymore since he has this girl in his life now. The problem is that I dont know what to do if he callems back again. i dont know if I should answer his phone call and tell him how I feel and make him understand that by talking to him its not doing me good at all. Or should I just ignore his phone calls and wait until he gets tired of calling me until he stops calling me at all. Please I need your advice really bad thank you.
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female
reader, Brigid  +, writes (16 June 2008):
I have to agree with the above. I am good friends with my ex but that is the exception rather than the rule. I think that it is normally very hard for people to be friends after a relationship unless they really have got no lingering feelings, no angry feelings or feelings of regret.
You need to give yourself a break and allow yourself to heal. Get out and enjoy yourself with your friends. If he rings ignore it, he will give up eventually. I have to say that it sounds like he's hedging his bets rather so get out there and live your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): It sounds to me like he's trying to keep his options open if it all goes tits-up with him and his new girl, in which case my guess is that he'd come running back to you for an FWB type relationship until a better offer came along.
If you get upset at hearing his voice, the simple answer is to not talk to him. Tell him why you don't want to talk to him at the moment. You still have an 'open sore' caused by the end of your relationship which may heal in time, but until it's healed you're better off simply not talking to him. If he persists in calling, ask him if his new girl knows that he calls you. If not, suggest that you'd like to bring her into the conversation now and then.
If I could offer you the analogy of sitting too close to the fire - you get too hot. Answer - either move away from it or turn it off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): i think you still have feelings for him. if not, you wouldn't still be crying and depressed. it seems that u haven't gotten over him yet. it seems that he has gotten over u. it also sounds like ur waiting around, expecting him to call.
i think you should back off for a while. stop being friends even, and let him be with his new girlfriend. i mean, if he wanted a real relationship with you, he would have said so before rite? i believe he wants to be frends with you but nothing more. maybe that's what you need to understand now. if he wanted you, he would have made it clear. he hasn't. that's your answer.
i feel so sorry for you, that you cry and get depressed everytime he calls you. but honey, it's you that does that to yourself. nobody can make you feel anything you don't want to. you are allowing him to do that to you. i think you have nobody else to blame but yourself.
why dont you try going out with other guys, maybe hang out with your frends and keep your mind off him for now. cos honestly, from a woman to another woman, there are just too many wounded woman, hoping and praying for crumbs of affection from a guy. pick your pride off of the floor and face this with dignity. respect yourself. let it go.
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A
female
reader, oldeyes +, writes (16 June 2008):
Hey! Let me first say that you deserve to be happy. I know it is hard and I just went through some similar emotions. I broke up with my man of 3 years. He wanted to stay friends but honey, I can't move on until I let him go for good. It is still hard. I cry for the good times we had, and those feelings you get, those lonely feelings. Just keep telling yourself that it was the right thing. Now it should be easier because he is with someone else. It is okay! Don't cry! You learned something from being with him right? Now, the thing you do, when you feel your most confident. Call him and tell him that you cannot stay in contact any longer, that it is not fair to you. You don't even have to mention his side. Stop thinking about him. He should no longer be in the picture. Your next boyfriend does not deserve that either. So. You can also just wait for his call but it is understandable that it may be during an emotional time, that you may not be thinking clearly. Trust me I know. Go out and look for a guy FRIEND to talk to. Just the best is to communicate to him that you do not want to keep in touch any longer. It is okay to say that it is hard for you but say it without emotion and confidently. Tell him you are hurting over it but be clear and short about it. Do not let it drag on, do not let the emotions linger until you hang up. Then be strong and be happy because from here on out, you are free and stronger now by doing this. You sound like a very intelligent lady so just trust yourself and time will ease the pain. take care! I wish you could call me and we could help eachother be strong gals!!
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