A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm facing a dilemma and don't know what to do about this, and could really use some advice!I imagine that some people won't believe me but I'm STILL a virgin at 31 years old. I never explicitly made vows to save sex before marriage, but at a very young age, I promised myself that I wouldn't have sex with just anyone- that I would wait for someone who truly, mutually loved me. I would NEVER condemn someone for having sex outside of marriage or for being gay, but religious convictions were one reason I decided to wait.The trouble is, it's driving me absolutely crazy! I'm sick and tired of being like this. I don't understand why I feel the DESIRE to do something that I've never experienced; I don't know WHAT it's like, but I'm feeling so much sexual tension that I can't stand it. I've talked to my mom about it, and I love my mom with my whole heart but she's honestly no help. She doesn't seem to understand how I'm feeling! She lectured me about the dangers of sleeping with someone (which I'm aware of) and said that I just have to be strong and wait... but, I've waited for 31 years!The dilemma is making me crazy:The right person hasn't come into my life, and I feel overcome with guilt at the thought of becoming pregnant and bringing a kid into the world that I'm not ready to take care of. On the other hand, I feel like I'm going to DIE if I don't get this out of my system. I feel a NEED to experience physical love.The trouble is, I've waited a LONG time and, after all this time, I don't want to throw it away on someone who doesn't care about me... or who will just take advantage of me and then abandon me. That would break my heart into bits. It would be a terrible, terrible waste.I've told a few close friends about this... when they found out, some say, ''I KNEW it,'' and some didn't believe me.
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male
reader, searock19  +, writes (16 April 2011):
Thanks for posting this question. I am also a 31 year old individual who has never experienced physical love with a woman before. In fact after reading your whole message it seems that you and I are pretty similar. The most important thing I'd recommend for you is to speak to a doctor or a counselor about your condition. Similarly you should continue to meet new people. By doing this you may make friends and feel comfortable trying new things.Hopefully this is helpful for you. I would really enjoy continuing to correspond with you if you are at all interested.Cheers,Charlie
A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (4 April 2011):
If you feel like you want to do something you never experienced, it is your body telling you so.The thing about waiting until marriage is a very old idea, in order to avoid undesired pregnancies in ancient times.But now we got the pill and condoms.You need to get out, and have some healthy sex. It doesn't needs to be intercourse. Just have fun with the guy you love. If you don't want to get naked, let him touch you over your clothing. [My girlfriend and I started that way]Please, don't expect to find Mr Right or Prince Charming to loose your virginity. Everybody has their flaws. Also, at 31, the guys who will come around you probably have lots of experience, and some will get annoyed of you not wanting sex before marriage.If that doesn't work, try masturbating. You can do it by stimulating the surrounding area of your clitoris with a vibrator or your hand. That will give you a new perspective.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): First of all I want to congradulate you on your self control/will power for standing true to your principles. WELL DONE YOU!!I can relate to this in some way as i would consider myself very sexually inexperienced compared to most females my age, i came from a stict religious home and while i am no longer a virgin, I still believe that sex (i prefer the term "making love" should be with somebody you love and trust and vice versa. I beg you not to fall back on your beliefs, I know its hard but you will meet somebody and it will feel right.Do NOT worry about what other people think, do what makes you happy and what you belief to be right for you. We cant all have the same belief/moral/opinions. You should remain true to yours. Thats what make you...you.all the best.x
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