A
female
age
30-35,
*ch
writes:Ok so my boyfriend told me today he doesn't know how to love anymore, he's so depressed ..which is very scary because I'm 15 weeks preg. But idk what to do...we both still live with our parents but he doesn't work cuz he has back problems on account of a motorcycle accident 4 yrs ago so he babysits his lil brother everyday ..I guess I was just wondering what I should do to help him. I feel helpless.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Maybe he is not depressed, he is simply bored out of his mind. I don't want accuse him of being lazy since I know nothing about this guy, but maybe he just got stuck into a root and habit and convenience keep him there.
Are his injuries really so severe that he can't work at all 4 years after the accident ? Is he on permanent disability then, does he get help from the State, or...? How does he plan to support himself and his future family, - does he think at all about that , has he got any plan ?.
If he is babysitting every day, he can't be a total invalid. Maybe he just need to look for a job that does not require heavy physical labour,like heavy lifting and such. Or he could get back to school and get the qualifications for a non-physical job.
Have you ever talked about that ?
I am mentioning this because , injuries or not, depression or not, I don't think that either you or anybody can have a future with a guy who is content to get by somehow in an eternal present, with no hopes , ideas and projects for the future.
In the meantime, though, and pardon me if I am being too practical, the important thing, if you mean to have his baby, is not that he is able to love, it's that he is able to PAY. Is he going to contribute financially to bringing this kid up, and how ?
The law says he MUST - besides what common decency says.
He needs to snap out of his funk, - and first to think about taking care of his baby, THEN about his depression.
After all, he was not so depressed that he could not have sex and conceive, was he ?
A
female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 I'm sorry about that. Does he know that you are pregnant? I don't know what else to do to help him though. I have to agree with the anonymous writer that you should do some research and see what you can come up with. I hope everything will work out and he will return to normal. I'm not sure what to say about him acting better than everyone else though. That is a bit odd to me.
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A
female
reader, ach +, writes (16 August 2011):
ach is verified as being by the original poster of the question I've told him to speak to a doctor but I can't push him to do anything ..and i don't know what he likes to do anymore ...he lays around and says he doesn't want to do anything no movie nothing ..we went out to dinner and talked and laughed but he puts this front up that he's better then anyone when he's out and that drives me crazy but I feel helpless ..i don't know what to do
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): Share activities with him that he already likes to do and that help him feel good about himself.
Then also research about how he might be able to help his back, and try to do those activities with him as well. Don't force it on him as something he has to do, but make it something for you two do as a couple.
your best bet is to try to help him regain his confidence. If he does and then also sees that you were the one to care for him in his darker times, you both will grow even closer.
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A
female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (16 August 2011):
Why does he feel depressed? I don't think that it is he doesn't know how to love per say just that the depressed feelings making him feel like he doesn't when in all actuality he still does. Has he talked to a doctor about his depression and what he can do to overcome it?
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