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My dad doesn't care about me at all - what can I do to get out of here?

Tagged as: Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 November 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2010)
A female Australia age 22-25, *aime90 writes:

My dad has been emotionally abusive to me my whole life and i need it to stop now but i dont think he will ever change. For as long as i can remember it has been like this. He NEVER says anything good to me at all, i have never heard him say i love you. He has never said sorry to me when he hurts me. He has never asked me whats wrong or wanted to help me with anything.

He always tells me im fat and need to lose weight (when i was younger i was a little chubby but now im an australian size 10 and i weigh 60kg and he still tells me im fat)

if i ask for money for something he always whinges about it even though he buys my little brother anything he wants.

My little brother hits me and scratches me all the time and my dad encourages him and laughs when im crying because he hurts me. Im not allowed to discipline him even though im the only one who has any desire to discipline him so he doesnt turn out like the little shit he is becomming.

i try to talk to my mum about it but she doesnt do anything about it. he will never change and now i need to get out of here but i cant afford to move out :-(

he doesnt care about me at all! what can i do :-(

View related questions: emotionally abusive, I love you, lose weight, money

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010):

there's no reason to be sad bro.your emotions will just gonna bring you down..like you, my dad also dont care to me at all.sometimes i waned to punch him in the face to wake him up and make him realize what his doing in his son.all i can say is be strong and dont let other people bring you down even your own dad.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (19 March 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntContact your Department of community services(Child protection)(008)425 288

or

Women's refuges referral and resource centres.(Google for the one nearest you.)

You can get help and they will advise you.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (19 March 2010):

Miamine agony aunt"Being devalued, dismissed and invalidated is the worst thing a person can deal with in modern nations." (Teacake)

I've done that to you in the past, and you stood up and almost told me to go to hell.. :)

You did it with me when I was rude and wrong, now it's time to try to do it with men. :)

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (19 March 2010):

Miamine agony auntJamie, been thinking hard, sorry I didn't get back to you. Babes, I think you need some counselling to get over some of the damage your father is doing to you. It's affecting your life, your used to putting up with bad treatment and you don't seem to realise that things can be a whole lot better.

I know you don't have any money to move out, but how about a flat share with a couple of friends, or even a couple of strangers. You won't be able to find your "mojo", your confidence whilst you still live at home. Your father is abusive, it dosen't sound like he likes women very much. He is a very insecure man, and he needs you to feel small, so he can feel big.

He will never stop. This is the way he is.

That's why you need to leave home as soon as you can. Your father is destroying you, and ruining your life in many other ways. Why do you always have to be the one to eat the crap and the shit? When are the men in your life going to treat you nicely. If they won't be nice and behave, when are you going to give up and walk away?

Stay in touch babes, we all want the very best for you, and we want you in a place where you can be mentally safe.

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A female reader, Miamine United Kingdom +, writes (14 March 2010):

Miamine agony auntBingo, your doing well babes, that answers one of my questions about why you make the choices you do. :)

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A male reader, ashrock1990 India +, writes (14 March 2010):

hi jamie,i know you are kinda pissed off by your life and your parents.Everyone knows about love and affection from their parents,but for some like us,there has always been empty relations with no heart.i also have a father who always take side of my sister,never gives me money for buying my stuff,always criticize me for wrong things.i would say have faith in god,pray every morning to him,for he is the one who is our true father.

When you get a job probably,live dependently.Though its difficult at first,but its better than being a slave in your own house.

Do not get stressed by his comments about you,he maybe needs someone to take his anger out,maybe your mother-father do not have good bonding.

Find help from someone in your neighborhood.

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A female reader, Teacake United States +, writes (11 November 2008):

Teacake agony auntSounds like your mother is just as abusive. I feel very badly for you! The sooner you can cut ties with those cold hearted people the better and so everything you can to become independent. Don't let them know what you are doing. Ignore all of them and do your own thing.

I had very abusive parents as well and I spent my entire life floating around in misery. The sooner you cut them out of your life the better. If you can't depend on your own family to care for you then you have every right to cut ties and never look back until they apologize to you and make things right.

Don't hold a grudge, they are messed up and they probably hate each other too. Just don't get messed up with drugs and alcohol and drown the pain that way. The best thing to do for yourself is to take care of you in the way they didn't. If you suffer depression it is very understandable.

Being devalued, dismissed and invalidated is the worst thing a person can deal with in modern nations.

Why not save some money and travel to exotic lands? Meet new people. See what you can do to enjoy life and get away from abusers. Family or not, no one has the right to be abusive. You are not obligated to accept abuse! Keep your plans to yourself and when you can afford it, either travel or go to school and find a vocation that you love. Good luck!

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (11 November 2008):

You need to get a job and saveup for a deposit on a flat.

It might be worth you asking your dad to help you out.

I know that sounds crazy but if you point out that by giving you a few hundred dollars for a deposit on a place to rent, he will never have to see you again, he might cough up.

Start job hunting and see if there is any kind of social housing provided by the council in your area that you could apply for.

Good Luck!! xx

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