A
male
age
41-50,
*k80
writes:Hi,I had a crush on a girl in my office but when I wanted to approach her and consider getting into a relation with her, I got to know she had a boyfriend and they were getting engaged soon. So I put myself out and changed my company too. Out of curiosity, I checked for her boyfriends profile on Facebook and I realized I had seen the same guy with another girl in my locality few weeks before. The chemistry of them looked more than friends. I dint wanted to jump into conclusion or interfere so i left that topic there, however after few weeks, I had been on a holiday with my friends and i saw the couple (the guy with that another girl) there and they were cosying up together. They were very happy, holding hands and cuddling up together. When i came back, I got to know from a common friend that my crush was out of country on work at that time. As soon as she came back she got engaged to this guy. Since was engaged now I thought the guy wont cheat on her and kept this secret to myself, but few days back I again found this guy with that other girl and they both looked very much in love, kissing each other. Now I feel sorry for my crush and this other girl since I am not sure if they both know that he is cheating on them. What can i do to help these girls see this situation? I am not close to both these girls nor that guy, but I feel guilty that I am not letting them know the truth. What should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (13 August 2011):
It's up to you. If you tell her (your crush) just realize that she might not believe you. Also, since she works at the same company you do, you might want to think about the consequences it may have in that regard. It's not your mess so you're under no obligation to do anything about it.
If you choose to tell her, do it in a neutral manner. Don't let her know you have a crush on her.
"I know it's not my place and you may not believe me, but I can no longer keep going knowing this and knowing that you are kept in the dark. It's not fair." And then tell her what you saw.
Think ahead about how you're going to say it and separate facts from suspicions. Let her come to her own conclusion. She might start defending her fiancee. If she does, let her and tell her "if that's what you want to believe, that's your choice. I'm just telling you what I saw because I thought you deserved to know."
And then leave it at that. Whatever you do, don't use it as an opening to get yourself involved with this girl. She'll suspect that telling her this was just a ploy to get her to you and then all hell breaks loose. If you're going to tell her drop the knowledge as objectively as possible and let her decide where to go from there. Give her some space and realize she may marry her fiancee regardless of what you told her.
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