A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi people, really like a girl at work and it's driving me crazy, need to take my mind off her but every time I get her off my mind she appears and I have her on my mind again. I can't lose this job but I am starting to lose the plot!Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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at work, crush, girl at work Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (19 September 2018):
 You're getting fantastic advice. Let me give you some more.
Think about your livelihood.
You worked your ass off to get where you are. You went through YEARS of education. You paid a lot of money for that education. You toiled to be set up where you are, and you have plans to go even further.
There is NOTHING so dangerous to that livelihood than an office romance, ESPECIALLY if the object of your affection is either married or otherwise occupied. Your reputation will go down the tank, not to mention how much other companies will cringe at hiring a guy (or girl) who subjects them to liability issues.
The *only* way you should consider dating her is if she is 100% single and available, and you are too, and you quit the company she works at. The only way she should not be utterly "hands-off" is if you are NO LONGER CO-WORKERS!
So, is it your career, or is it this woman?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2018): [EDIT]
Correction:
"Sorted-out and to feel they're on display for your entertainment."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2018): I'm going to hand it to you man to man. No holds barred!
Get your mind out your pants. Realize you've got bills to pay, and you were hired to work; not gawk at the females on your job.
Other females in the workplace will notice if you stare or act weird in their presence, and even if she loves the attention; the others may not! They just may rat you out!
They may do it just because they want a work-environment where they don't have to feel they're there to be objectified by their male co-workers. Sorted-out and to feel their on display for your entertainment. Some will just be spiteful out of jealousy for her; and report you for making females uncomfortable around you. If you're so out of control as you say, somebody will notice it. Got it?!!
If she lingers around in your work-station; simply tell her you've got to get back to work. You're not a horny adolescent kid, you're a grown-man. You have control over your hormones; and you're above lower-animals who don't!
My friend, don't perpetuate the ridiculous stereotype that men can't control ourselves. That's a bunch of bullsh^t and you know it!!!
Lust and flirtation don't pay the bills. Just imagine what it would be like unemployed. Broke, no money for the rent, homeless, and looking like a loser. That ought to cool you down a bit. Focus on your work. If the boss notices you're slacking, and he takes you aside. Remember what I told you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 September 2018):
 Know that a crush is a passing feeling.
And consider if you DID try and make this into more, and it doesn't work out things will be awkward.
Keep romance and dating out of the office/workplace.
You are not a teenager, OP, if she comes by (and it's NOT work related) tell her you are busy with work. If she just pops into your mind, well he best distraction is work. AFTER ALL that is what they PAY you for.
Make a work related to-do list - so you know what you have yet to do. Then work down the list so you can cross it off.
OP, you can daydream AFTER work. She is JUST a woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2018): There must be a million things you can do to get her off your mind!
Study the stock exchange.
Learn to write with your left hand or vice versa.
Crush on a celebrity.
Vision work girl in a complicated legal battle where every word counts.
Imagine her pregnant for her boyfriend that isn't you.
Read the world news.
Think the world news.
Join an action group.
Forget the minutae of life.
Where an after shave or oil like peppermint that blocks her hormones or perfume from your mind.
Think of your aged relatives and how much they want to talk about your life over a roast dinner.
You get the idea.
Think of anything but her.
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