A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I feel like I'm falling apart and desperately need some help and advice from others to help me piece everything together in my own head.So about 2 months ago I was introduced to a girl through a mutual friend who thought we might be good together. She seemed nice enough, although not very independent and quite clingy (23 years old, lives at home with parents, no job, never been to college). However at the time I viewed her as a kind of safe option I suppose - I've had clingy girlfriends in the past and it doesn't bother me that much. But I have a 9-5 Mon-Fri job, am a very independent person and appreciate my own space. She would come and visit every weekend and stay for the whole time, leaving me feeling increasingly suffocated. It also slowly became apparent we didn't have a lot in common and she was the jealous type (threw a mini-strop because my ex - who lives on the other side of the world - said "hi sexy" to me in a FB message).We'd already started having sex at this point, and although we used condoms at first, she showed me she had an arm-implant and I felt that I could trust her, so we stopped. After about 6 weeks together it became clear to me she was in this relationship for the mega long-term, saying "I love you", "We have so much to plan, we'll be together forever" and even making suggestive remarks about her looking for work in my area, with a view to moving in with me. It all became a bit too much and I realised that this wasn't what I wanted as I'm only 25 and am not ready for that level of commitment yet, plus I just wasn't feeling enough of a connection with her. I struggled for about a week with when, how and if to break it off with her as I wanted to upset her as little as possible.I decided that sooner was better, and to tell her I was having a few doubts and that we should meet up to talk so I could put my reasons across. Unfortunately she doesn't have a phone (it was sent away for repairs or so she says, but that was over 2 months ago - seems very odd to me), so I had to tell her about the doubts in a FB chat message which is our only means of communicating save for meeting up. But just telling her I had a "few doubts" caused her to go completely ape at me, telling me she thought I loved her, telling me I was screwed up, how she wanted all her stuff back, I'd broken her heart and she hated me. I apologised endlessly and gave her my reasons, then after a good couple of hours of yelling, she said she needed some space and logged off.The next morning I get another message through whilst at work... "Thought I'd been feeling sick a lot recently and my implant is wearing off, well just to let you know I'm pregnant. Took a test this morning and it came back positive. Yes I'm having your baby, but I bet you don't even care. Was gonna tell you last night but since you gave me a bombshell you can have one back!"I immediately believed she was just making this up to get back at me, I even called her out on it, and when she persisted to yell at me that she never lies, her mum was sitting next to her, it was true but since I clearly didn't love her she was going to the Doctor's tomorrow to get an abortion sorted out. I even asked her for a photo of herself holding the test showing it was positive - but apparently she couldn't because she'd thrown it in the bin already (how convenient?). I deleted/blocked her from FB, dismissing her as immature and immoral. I was a little shaken and spoke to a few friends who all agreed she must be making this up and she was completely psycho). But I had a few nagging doubts asking "what if?" and in all honesty they terrified me. If nothing else, I have definitely learned a lesson in misplaced trust and being far, far more careful in the bedroom. I fully admit I'm a complete idiot, and I'm not proud of myself in the slightest.3 or 4 days go by and I hear nothing. Not a peep. I had thought that her (or her mum) may have at least tracked down my number and called me up, or come knocking on my door to confront me. But nothing. According to some of my friends who still had her on FB, she was posting the usual mundane statuses about what she was having for dinner or what she was watching on TV, nothing to indicate the kind of internal dilemma she might be facing if she was being truthful. Then yesterday a friend noticed a series of very flirtatious exchanges between her and another guy on FB - based on the style/tone of her messages and what I know about her it would lead me to conclude that they are dating and possibly having sex already (boy she moved on fast!)Yesterday I confronted our mutual friend as well, asking him if he knew of her pregnancy, about which he had no idea (I don't think she's the kind of girl to keep this a secret from her friends). I also mentioned to him that I had asked for a picture of the test and she had not provided it, and informed him of my doubts about her truthfulness.Today I get another message from the mutual friend telling me that she has shown him a picture over FB. My heart literally sank. I asked "is it just a picture of a pregnancy test, or is she in the picture too?" to which he replied "she's in it". He said it's a digital camera image, so I called him up straight away to ask him to send me a copy of/link to the image as I need to see the evidence with my own eyes. Apparently he couldn't because it's "Read Only" (sounds suspiciously odd) so he instead said that he messaged her to send him another copy so he could show to me.He said she wants him to go to the clinic with her next week to see the doctor so she can decide what to do. I pretty much broke down at this point, as I had not planned for a kid at this stage in my life and I do not know what I would actually do if a) she really IS pregnant and b) she decides to keep it. I know that sounds incredibly selfish, and I'm not proud of thinking this way, but I have to get some answers and I have to get them soon. At the moment I'm grasping onto every bit of hope that she's lying. Or that if she is it's not mine. I don't know if my mutual friend is now "in on it" if it is a lie (he is a fairly decent guy but he has known her longer than me and so he's probably got more loyalties to her). There do seem to have been a lot of strange things here which are giving me hope.- She has no mobile phone and claims it's being "repaired" since I met her.- She couldn't send a picture of the (first?) pregnancy test because she "threw it away".- After cutting off contact with her, neither her nor her mum (whom she claims she told) bother to get in touch in any way after 3 or 4 days.- There's no evidence on FB to suggest anything in her life has changed.On a side note, her best friend recently had a baby and has been suffering with a lot of depression lately and has gone as far as saying she "wishes she wasn't a mother". I think if she is telling the truth this fact may be an influence on her getting rid of the baby.I want to know your thoughts, opinions. Does she seem honest to you, or would you be suspicious too? I am just looking for some peace of mind here.
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abortion, at work, best friend, broke up, condom, flirt, immature, jealous, lives at home, my ex, pregnancy test Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): go to her house with a home pregnancy test and demand that she take it there and then. Bring a witness or two with you, like your mutual friends, and which will also put her on the spot and pressure her to take the test. Then you will know if she's pregnant. If she is...tough luck. Try to convince her to give it up for adoption seeing as how she's such a train wreck.
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 March 2013):
Since claiming pregnancy is a very ex-psycho thing to do after a breakup, I would be very skeptical. Even if it turns out she really is (unlikely), I would demand a DNA test.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 March 2013):
 Well, if nothing else this will be quite a life-lesson for you.NEVER rely on another human being for birth-control. And never end a relationship over the Internet, be a man and end it face to face.Her not having a phone is not that outlandish really. She doesn't work, live at home, how could she pay for a phone?Could she be pregnant? Sure it's quite possible if you ejaculated INSIDE her. Even if it only happened once. That is all it takes.But here is my 2 cents. She DIDN'T call you to tell you the "good news" she waited til you contacted her to break up, so to me that makes it a little iffy, more like she wanted to hurt you, because you hurt her.If she does decide to keep the baby, don't just accept her word that it is yours, DO a DNA test.I doubt your mutual friend is in on it. I'm thinking he feels rather horrible for setting you up with her and her up with you.I hope to goodness she ISN'T pregnant, for BOTH your sake. This is no way for a child to enter into life. Good luck, I hope it all works out.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (3 March 2013):
I have read your question and the advice you have got and I want to add 1 thing. you said this friend told you the photo was ''read only''. well if she sent him this over facebook it is not ''read only'', there is the link to download ANY photo or file you receive in mail on facebook. you can check this by sending yourself a photo to your own inbox on facebook.... just thought you need to know this since it is contradicting what he told you. good luck and yes shes a psycho
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (3 March 2013):
Pretty sure she's lying. Her story doesn't add up, from beginning to end and she does seem pretty unhinged. Also, this mutual friend of yours...I'd stop regarding him as a friend. Either he took her side on his own, or she pressured him to do so. Both scenario's make him unsuitable as a friend. The fact he couldn't supply the evidence even when he said he had it and just tried to wave it off with a stupid excuse (if it's 'read only' he should still be able to send you the file. Plus pictures never are 'read only') shows you can't trust him.
Also, my sister has that same implant (it does feel like matchstick) and she has basically confirmed to me it lasts about 3 years and when it's expired it has to be removed. I doubt this girl is walking around with an expired implant.
So just relax, breathe and don't initiate contact. If she really needs to get ahold of you, she'll get there. Don't go through Facebook. It's a messy channel. I think she's realizing she's already lost you and that you'll just push her for evidence she doesn't have. I'm pretty sure she'll stop hassling you soon.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the feedback all, to answer a couple of points that have come up:- Yes I did "finish" inside of her on a number of occasions whilst we had sex. That was an incredibly stupid mistake on my part. Believe me when I say I've learnt my lessons about being careful. My libido has completely gone and as of right now I'm too terrified to have sex again for a long time. It's not until these things happen to you that you really appreciate the gravity of the situation. You never think it will happen to you, and then it does (or it might have).- A friend of mine (another girl) has been communicating with her over FB today - apparently the ex denied the existence of this photo when quizzed about it, as she had taken the test at the Doctor's clinic - completely contradictory to what she told me previously, and to what our mutual friend told me yesterday. At least temporarily this has reassured me that it's all fabricated if she can't get her story straight.- Thank you so much for the information about the implant jadedpearl, I'm pretty sure that's the same one (it felt like a little matchstick in her upper arm). She didn't say that it had expired, but she told me she had it put in 2.5 years ago and it was coming up for expiry. She was getting heavier bleeding and quite a few stomach pains. I've been reading up on the Implanon to see if it does "wear out" as it reaches expiry. Somebody made the very good point that this simply does not happen, as they would then have to advise you to start using other methods of contraception as you approached the 3 year mark. Other people also remarked about getting symptoms of heavier bleeding as they entered the final phase of the implant, but this does not apparently indicate that it's any less effective. Some studies done even show no pregnancies after it has been in for up 4 years, as the effect tends to wear off slowly. This all makes sense to me and reassures me.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 March 2013):
 It doesn't look like she's really pregnant because if she was, then both she and her mom would have driven you up the wall. They would never have let you go without making your life completely miserable. Demand for a paternity test if she is indeed pregnant, which I highly doubt. And whatever you do, stay far, far away from her in future. Always insist on wearing a condom. You never really know when you might get into trouble.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (3 March 2013):
 Two mistakes: having unprotected sex without knowing you could trust her, and then effectively breaking up by computer.
For peace of mind you need to communicate with her. You must know where she lives, go over there with a new pregnancy test and talk face to face.
At the very least, unblock her so you can have some form of communication without involving a third party.
I doubt she's being honest about being pregnant but she might be. So you have to communicate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): She is a psycho that's for sure. I really really hope she is not pregnant with your child and choosing to keep it or she will have you by your balls for the rest of your life or at least the next 20 years.But lets plan for the worst and say she is pregnant. Well she says she hates you right? So surely she should not want you in her life at all. Ask her if she will legally allow you to sign away your parental rights to the child so it is as if you were just an anonymous sperm donor from a sperm bank (sperm donors don't have any relationship or obligation to the children that result from the use of their donations) . You don't want the child in your life and she doesn't want you in her life if she hates you so this should be the best solution for all involved. She wants to keep the baby then she can, just without you involved since it is her decision not yours to carry the pregnancy through. (Just be aware you don't get to change your mind a few years down the road and decide you want to know your kid after all) . It was very foolish of you to have unprotected sex with someone you didn't want to be tied forever to. You may now have to suffer the consequences for this mistake by having your life irreversibly changed.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 March 2013):
 Wow, all this after only two months.
It does sound to me as if she is trying to bluff you, and for some reason your mutual friend has either been sucked into the story or decided to go along with her ... for whatever reason. I think you should safely assume he is not in your corner and leave him out of any future discussions.
Take a big deep breath. Okay. I really doubt she is pregnant, and yes, I do know that people can fall pregnant the very first time they have sex, I doubt this young lady has.
I don't think she is pregnant ...... despite her taking a picture of the positive test, she might be but I highly doubt it. My advise to you is to take a big deep breath. Avoid the nutter as much as you can, and don't trust the mutual friend with anything important and don't ask him questions about he either.
If she does confront you with the news of impending parenthood sometime down the track, come back and ask how to deal with that when it is a fact.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 March 2013):
Not one single word of what she is saying should be considered the truth with the exception of "I hate you."
Did you come inside of her? If so then it's more likely that she COULD be pregnant. Either way it could be anyone's baby. Stay away from her and if she contacts you with an ultrasound with her name on it, then you can start to worry. At that point I'd still demand a paternity test. Don't give her money for an abortion without real proof.
I've had this happen before and it sucks but it's a well known tactic of psycho b!tches.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (3 March 2013):
 I'd be very suspicious. Then again I dated a psycho who used to claim she was pregnant when she thought I'd break up with her. After the 3rd time I called her bluff.
To me, it sounds like a manipulation. However, you need to prepare yourself if it does turn out to be true.
I'd wager 70/30 fake/pregnant.
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A
female
reader, jadedpearl +, writes (3 March 2013):
 Let me rephrase my answer so no one lashes out at me. Any type of birth control is not completely 100% effective. What I was just saying is that the Implanon is one of the most strongest birth controls out there compared to the pill or a shot. Her chances of getting pregnant especially if you did NOT cum inside of her are slim to none. I hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, jadedpearl +, writes (3 March 2013):
Listen,
I have the same implant in my arm. If it's the Implanon, it lasts 3 years and the likelihood of getting pregnant with one of those things is almost impossible. Her story sounds really odd to me. I think this girl is lying just to get back at you, but like you've said you cannot be 100% certain if she IS indeed pregnant. Try to find out when she got that Implant to see if she lied about it wearing off, because she knows good and well when that thing expires because you cannot keep it in your arm after the expiration date, it needs to be removed when the time is up.
Some indications that she might be lying include her mom not flipping out or saying at least SOMETHING to you.
If you do end up going to the clinic with her be honest. I don't want to suggest saying one thing and have it backfire on you but if you find out she actually IS pregnant, tell her how you are not ready for that stage in your life, how things will change for the both of you if she decides to keep it. Like I stated before, I don't want to tell you to do anything because then she might do the exact opposite of what you want and actually keep it, just out of spite. Like you said, it might not even be yours if she truly IS pregnant. Just take a deep breath and relax. Stay positive, I feel confident that she's being dishonest. This is her only way to control you and keep you hooked. Everything will turn out ok. Let us know what happens.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2013): I am 99% sure that this brat is lying. She sounds exactly like the type of girl that would do that. Buy your own test and take it to her and stand there while she pees on it! That's what I would do anyway.
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