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My coworker and I used to be friends, and he liked me, but now he's mean! Why?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 March 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 27 March 2012)
A female Canada age 30-35, *oil writes:

Long story short, I met this guy we worked for the same company but different buildings we have mutual friends. The offices merged, and we made small talk became work friends. He would email me and made a big effort to contact me. I wasn't into him and nicely declined his invatation to hang out. I got a job close to his department and started talking to him more. Around Halloween he got my number and started texting and emailing me everyday wanting to hang out or go for lunch/dinner. Since we had mural friends I thought cool he wants to be my friend ( my guys Friends said no he likes you) any ways I mentioned many times that I do not go for coworkers. We still hung out a few times aweek, then after new years he stoped texting me as much. By this time I was realizing how great of a guy he was and started to like him. Then one day he told my friend I wasn't his type and I told him I only see him as a friend.. A few months later he is a total ass to me.. What gives? Did I hurt him somewhere along the line? Or can guys really go from being friends to not even talking to the girl


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A female reader, JaneSmith2012 Aruba +, writes (27 March 2012):

JaneSmith2012 agony auntI'll answer your problem to the extent possible.

In case u find my suggestions unhelpful or hurtful ,please ignore consider them as unintentional and ignore them.

From what i could gather from your message , it appears that you do not want to start a romantic relationship at your workplace . How clear are you about this ?? If you had such a policy then why initiate conversation with a coworker whom you were hardly interested in ?? Why did you not discourage him from texting you and emailing you everyday ??

You have said that you have been hanging out with him while telling him multiple times that you do not go for a co worker.You probably told him that since you wanted some time to make up your mind about this guy .In my opinion you could have frankly told him that you wanted some time , instead of dismissing him as a friend whenever you met him. The chap is probably hurt and confused by your actions because ,though you responded to his messages and hung out with him as much as possible, you told him that you still wanted him only for a friend.Its possible that he saw no future to this relationship and hence tried severing his ties with you.

Now you say you have feelings for him and think he's a great guy even though he doesnt talk to you anymore.

Its possible that the guy is sulking from within and being mean to you because he's hurt himself over you.

If that's the case and if you still like him despite the change in his attitude , you can reach out to him and talk to him directly once ,confessing your liking for him (Provided he hasnt moved on to someone elseyet !!). If he refuses you can move on , lead your life like this didnt happen. After all the defeat is his ,as he is the one who fell for you first and yet refuses your love.

if he is vicious , waspish or sneaky in his behaviour, trying to spread rumours about you at wrkplace or taking pot shots at you or making you life at work living hell , just because you told him you were seeing him only as a friend , then he's probably not so great to be with.In that case chuck him out of your life coz he needs to grow up first..

Or if you still feel getting involved with a coworker is not desirable no matter how great he is , stay firm about this descision and steer clear of him.Its better not

to confess your feelings in that case and let him come to terms with the situation himself.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (27 March 2012):

Jmtmj agony aunt"( my guys Friends said no he likes you)"

and it looks like they were right.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012):

Let's see: a guy goes out of his way to be 'friends' with you, even mentions he's interested, spends - what seems like - an awful lot of trouble to stay in touch with a 'mutual-friend' who eventually turns him down...and you expected him to be 'in-the-good' with you? Really?

I'm not trying to sound like a douche, but when this guy met you, he thought "wow, she's beautiful"....then he got talking to you and thought, "wow, she's cool too"...then he got thinking, "I'd really likes to be in a relationship with her, she seems awesome"....his plan was to be friendly with you in the hopes you'd find him attractive.....AND then you declined (which is fine, btw, if you're not interested, you're not interested - nothing you can do about it).

After having his hopes crushed, he's thinking, "why bother even trying?" And there's your answer.

Does that warrant being an ass? Probably not, but having your hopes crushed doesn't exactly necessitate being friendly with the person who doesn't care about you and had those hopes crushed.

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