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My controlling father loves that I am dependent on him financially and I'm afraid he'll ruin my college time

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 August 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 8 August 2017)
A female United Arab Emirates age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi, I have a problem and I was hoping to get some advice. Ever since my mother had married my father; he had been what you call 'manipulative,vindictive,controlling and unbearable' person. As the years went by he became worse. Now that I've finally graduated and have applied somewhere far away from him, I thought my decision to study far away would make me the happiest I've been. But no, he had other plans to ruin my chance at being happy for once. He decided to move all the way with me,bringing my mother and my sister along too. My mother has told him to live in another area so they're not living in the area where my university is... but he insists on finding a house in my area so I could live with them in the same house. I was initially planning to stay in the dorms or in my own apartment. He lives to see us always asking him for money or help for anything. He loves knowing that I need him financially and thats why he won't let me get a job, saying that he will provide everything for me. If I end up not staying in the dorms, he's going to ruin my life even more. I have lost some friends along the way in high school because he wouldn't let me go out, I would always be invited to parties and outings but when I wasn't allowed; my friends decided to stop asking me. Now that I'm 19 and going to university; I don't even want to think that he won't let me go out for dinner with friends,stay late at a friends' house or go out anytime without his permission. He's overbearing and controlling and I'm worried it might cause psychological damage. I already have anger issues,been to plenty of shrinks but that stopped when I was 13 and he thought it was only for crazy people. I want to be a happy person, I don't want to do something stupid like run away because thats not a solution. I don't even want to get married to anyone just to leave my dad, thats not an excuse to get married. The icing on the cake is that he controls what I wear as well. I can't wear skirts even if they are below the knee, no bikinis,no ripped jeans or anything see through (even if i wear a tank top under) ,he gets a fit if I want to wear heels and if I like to put makeup on. I don't know how long I can take this, it's taking a toll on me and I have low self esteem and zero confidence. He's made me into this weak person and he just feeds off of the fact that I can't do anything without his money. I hate feeling like I'm not good enough or that I'm not pretty enough... I see my cousins and they all have good relationships with their dads except for me, sometimes I wonder if I'm being punished by god.

View related questions: confidence, cousin, money, self esteem, university

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I would go to Australia and study at university there because I'm a citizen but I still need him to pay for my fees... they have this new law about not paying for citizens' going to uni. I could take a loan but that also has cons. I've suffered a lot from this situation, I even get scared to be post an image of me online because my dad hates things like that. There are so many things I want to do but I feel like he holds me back. I have a huge family from both sides, they know of these issues and my aunt had asked to take care of me financially & emotionally but my dad didn't want me to live in Australia because he knew I would be free and happy there.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2017):

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Sorry, I forgot to mention I'm originally from Australia.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

@RubyBirtle, I lived in the UAE my entire life but I just recently moved to the UK so I could attend university.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017):

Attend uni for the first term and arrange to transfer to another university during the first term of the first year!

If you have this problem with your dad discuss it with the university student counsellor as soon as possible to see if there are similar courses elsewhere.

Explain it to them as you have to us.

They will help you to find a suitable course in another uni and they will tell you how to declare yourself independent, financially and physically and mentally so that you can be educated without being under your dads thumb.

If there are any unexpected advantages to your current circumstances they will discuss that also.

You are a person and not a prisoner.

It is unlikely that anyone would be particularly sympathetic to your dad as it is your life, not his.

The university will help you to find a way forwards!

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A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2017):

Just to check... your flag lists your country of origin as United Arab Emirates? Is this correct or did you mean to select the UK or USA instead?

If you are from UAE, are you attending University there or in a different country?

Please advise us aunties because if you are from UAE the answers we give would need to be very different from what we would advise a 19 year old girl living in the west to do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017):

God would not punish you like that.Your dad is mentally ill.Go out and get a job and move out.You may not be able to do school right away but what he is doing is not healthy for you.I would not let him know where you live or work also for he seems the type of person who would cause trouble for you so he can get you back under his control.I would also move to a whole different city.You would not be running away as you see you are an adult.As a adult under the law you can decide where to live on your own.Also as a adult you can decide to cut people who do you harm out of your life forever.Think about that....rember you are a adult.

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