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My co-worker crush is making a point of ignoring me!

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 June 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 June 2012)
A male Austria age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hello everyone,

Here's the deal: I have a big crush on a female coworker, that sometimes I think is reciprocitated, but sometimes I'm not really sure. The thing is, if I catch her alone in the hallway, she would make long eye contact, give me a beautiful smile, wink (almost always) and one time she even waved, you know, in the flirty way, finger by finger.

However, if there is anyone around, she would make an explicit point of ignoring me. One time, I was walking with a male coworker when we came across her. He told her hi, and greeted him back, cordially. I was a few steps behind him, and when she passed me I said hi too (in a cordial way, so as not to embarrass her) but she ignored me completely! And this is not the only occurrence; it happens literally every time someone is around.

Maybe I should mention that she's just slightly higher up than me in the company hierarchy, not really directly superior to me (it's a separate hierarchy) but it might be embarassing for her to be "seen" with me. There's no company dating policy that I know of, and anyway there are a few couples who have "come out" and it's OK.

The thing is, every time I finally get my act together and think about approaching her, something like this happens, puzzles me and makes me lose it. What do you guys think?

View related questions: co-worker, crush, flirt

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A female reader, Sweet-thing United Kingdom +, writes (12 June 2012):

Sweet-thing agony auntCould it be that she is already in a relationship, and hence the brick wall you are hitting when folks are around? If she is slightly higher up the food chain at your office, that might be the other thing she's concerned about. There may not be a formal policy about such things but it is frowned upon in most organizations so she doesn't want to tip anyone off. Plus if she's doing a little harmless flirting, there's no need for it to go further. THe mixed messages is her way of making sure you don't read too much into the smiles and the waves.

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A female reader, Nephertite Singapore +, writes (12 June 2012):

Nephertite agony auntThat's so cute. Aii.. you know if she actually flirts, she likes the attention.

But, clearly she has a lot of inhibitions. If she is actually ignoring you so blatantly, when alone she doesn't then she's obviously self conscious. You say she's higher in rank or something, maybe she has a sort of image to maintain? I dont' really know. But a thousand reasons could be on her mind. but, she clearly does not think it's appropriate or she'd be more open with her hellos to you in public.

But, all that said, she likes the attention you give her. SO she flirts back. But, I cant' tell if she likes you or not. 2 possibilities. She likes you so she's self conscious. OR she doesn't but, she lieks to flirt cuz you give her attention and trust me every attention to a woman is flattering. And flattery goes straight to the head... esp if she's a confident lady.

The best thing you can do. Make it casual and sexy and ask her directly. Ask her out on a date and if she says no.. try to say.. we'll see about that hey.. you might change your mind and do nothing after that. Ignore her even.. and see how she reacts. If she starts saying hey on her own and acknowledging you then she wants your attentions and would go on a date.

If she says YES then Wee good on u! :D GOOD LUCK!

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