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age
30-35,
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writes: Hi there, thanks for looking at my question. I actually posted yesterday (sorry) but my circumstances have changed a lot and I'm looking for help to save my relationship - and to know if it's worth saving. I've been in floods of tears and feel as though we're breaking up.I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now, living together for one. We are very much in love and have been through a lot together, but have had problems recently.I'm just going to be completely honest, and admit that I'm the jealous type. I don't mean to be and try my best to control it, but sometimes I'm just insecure. I'm better than I used to be. My boyfriend started a job this year (he encouraged me to go for it as well, and I got put on the waiting list). He works entirely with women, and I've been trying my best to not let this upset me - to be honest it hasn't bothered me until he told me about how he was teasing one of them. Anyway I've just been offered a job to work there (which I'm not going to take) but I told my boyfriend - and even though it was his idea in the first place he seemed really worried. I didn't tell him I'm not taking the job because I felt he was hiding something, so I asked why he was worried. He said 'what if you get upset if you see what I say to other girls' and 'what if people spread rumours? ' - I said that of course I won't be upset - unless he's actually got something to hide. He told me today that he goes to the pub every day with the women from work and was afraid I would find out. I'm upset that he lied, but I understand it's my fault because he didn't want to upset me - that's why he lied. This happened to weeks earlier about something else - he had been lying about something similar.I know it's my fault, but how do I make it better? I want him to be honest with me, but he lies all the time. He told me he would never ever cheat, but would rather tell me what I want to hear because it's easier.I love him and we're close to breaking up because of this, is this entirely my fault? What do I do?I'm sorry this is so long, thank you!!!
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (12 August 2016):
The problem with this situation is that by blaming yourself, you’re giving him licence to lie as often as he likes. Why should he tell the truth if you’re happy to use your flaws as justification for him? Whether he has something to hide or is just lying for a peaceful life, this is not going to help your insecurity. You need to tell him that he has got to be honest. Give him licence to point it out to you if you are being naggy and jealous and that takes away his excuse to lie on the grounds that it’s just easier. If he knows he can point it out constructively to you, he shouldn’t feel that your jealousy is a reason to keep the truth from you. If he continues to lie after that, then I think you would be incompatible as a couple.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 August 2016):
 HIS LYING IS NOT YOUR FAULT! talk about Stockholm syndrome.
He has you convinced that he has the right and need to lie to keep the peace.
Lying to you in my opinion is cheating. I define cheating as "anything you can't, won't or don't tell your partner"
HE LIES to you now. you can not trust him. why would you?
I would accept the job if you need a job and let the chips fall where they may. I also suggest that you start looking fo a new place to live (quietly) because his next step is going to blame you for everything and throw you out of his home for ruining everything.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 August 2016):
 I can't believe that you accepting its your fault he lies. Sweetheart, he lies because he can, he lies because he is a liar.
If your relationship wont survive unless he tells lies, then its not much of a relationship.
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