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My brother is about to be taken for a ride by an online Romanian stripper!

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2017) 13 Answers - (Newest, 10 August 2017)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My older brother is marrying a 21 year old stripper from Romania to bring her to the US. He met her on a webcam girl site. It is likely a romance/green card scam. He is really in a mid life crisis (48) and this is totally out of character for him. He was burned by his ex girlfriends who cheated on him and has started to believe women only want men for their money and "you can't win with women". He likes "the red pill" reddit and is really into pick up artist stuff now. This started after his last girlfriend of 10 years cheated on him and took a lot of his stuff. What, if anything, should I say to him? I don't want him to get taken for a ride with this stripper and lose what he has left. He believes that they are in love though I hope on some level he knows that she wants his money and a green card. But maybe he needs to do this? He was always responsible and held himself back, so maybe now he wants to be a little wild. I was thinking maybe saying I care about him and maybe he should look at his issues with women through therapy.

View related questions: ex girlfriend, his ex, money, stripper

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2017):

Man... and they say women are stupid and naïve and fall for men's phoney baloney bullshit!!!

Your bro needs a reality check! And some therapy!

People will use you and abuse you if you let them!

He is living in a dream world. He is delusional. And dumb.

Time to wake him the fuck up! And get him some help!

I cannot believe people can stoop so low!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2017):

I am Nigerian born and i can already tell you that this is a scam probably by my people. When he sends the money for them to book a flight, he wont hear from them anymore and they will move to the next target.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 August 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYikes.

I think it's already been said so well by the aunties and uncles that I can't add much.

Your brother is 48, so OLD enough to know "better". However, he will not find a Romanian girl meek or more obedient than an average American one. That is a FEISTY culture!! I was watching a documentary about "seers and witches" of Romania and how the government had tried to pass a law where these women would have to pay taxes on their income (they were giving advice, casting spells etc over the phone and making GOOD money doing so) The government were told that if that bill was passed spells would be flying. So it never went anywhere.

SMART women.

He is in for a surprise for sure.

Though I highly doubt she will actually try and go through the process of immigration. If he was filthy rich, maybe. An average guy? She will take him for what she can without EVER leaving where she is at. She might not even BE in Romania.

You would think a guy of 48 with that while "red pill" attitude would smell a scam a mile away.

If he was actually looking for a bride he would go through a broker not... a cam girl site.

What would I do if my brother were doing this? I would tell him he is an idiot and that we HAVE no Nigerian royalty in the family tree EITHER.

Does he think that "buying" a woman online somehow will fix his issues with women? That it somehow is like "revenge" for what an ex-GF did to him? Because that is fu@ked up! It's like the guy who cut off his penis because the GF told him he wasn't good in bed... or whatever dumb idea.

I don't think you actually need to worry too much about getting a Romanian sister in law anytime soon.

And if she takes him for a couple of $1,000 THAT is on him. (not saying the scam is OK but really anyone who uses their brain will figure out it's a scam before handing over any money).

And if she is serious? Well, WTF would a young stripper do in the States? Do you think she will have an easy time getting a visa? Let's say she made it here. I see a lot of drama and that is the end.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (10 August 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt In a way, let's hope that she wants a green card !, in the sense that she is actually willing to move, proceed with the wedding and give your brother at least some sex and companionship or whatever he is looking for, before she is settled in the new country and indipendent enough to go after better , bigger opportunities ( and younger men ): at least he'd get something out of the deal.

But it is quite possible that she just wants some easy money. This is a frequent,time-honoured scam. The girl "needs " some money sent to her to get her documents... she " needs " to bribe some corrupt civil servant to speed up the lenghty, complex emigration procedures ... she needs some cash to solve some family situation before she can leave, like putting her ailing grandmother in a nursing home or something, ...or any other creative excuse. Then she gets the cash and - voila- she is vanished. If you doubt that one would put up such a long, complicated act just for , say, a couple thousands dollars, keep in mind that in her country the average salary is about 120 euros a MONTH. A qualified CPA makes about 400 euros a month, a university dean maybe 800 .

For her, it may be more practical and convenient to stay where she is, and just latch on a new schmuck or two every year for as long as she can get away with it. Which, through Internet, can be very long, fake pics and everything.

There's not much you can do about it, a crude but wise proverb of my country says " A c..t hair pulls more weight than a pair of horses ". And I don't know if you should say or do anything even if you could. I guess I would see it differently if this were MY brother but, at the end of the day, some people need to learn their life lessons the hard way. " Who does not learn from history, is bound to repeat it " - until , eventually, he gets the message.

If your brother, at 48 , turns mysoginous after one sentimental failure ( btw, someone asked a good question : 10 years ? and why still " dating " a " girlfriend " after all this time and at his age ) and gets enamoured with silly, juvenile " red pill " and " pick up artist " crap... eh well, maybe he still needs to learn some lessons. If then he actually feels that his perfect match, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually, with whom he can build a future oriented, long lasting, relationship between equals, is a 21 stripper found through the net and whom he does not know from Adam, eh well, let him make his own bed and lie on it, and see how he likes it. If he is incredibly, exceptionally lucky, like lottery winner lucky- everything will be fine and they will be happy together. If things should go pear shaped pretty soon, as it is very likely they will- great ! Your brother is too old to keep thinking with his lower head only, but young enough to learn a precious lesson about what NOT to do when you seek a life companion. This will be an actual , real " red pill " for him !

If then he is under the impression that a Roumanian wife will be meek, obedient, submissive... not like those strong willed American girls.... hahaha - he is in for a rude awakening.

We've got tons of Roumanian immigrants here ( they need no visa and have free entry and circulation ). Now, while it's true that their culture is a bit old fashioned and patriarchal insofar, for instance ,some things like cooking and doing laundry etc, are women's jobs and women are expected to do then even when they hold a regular 40 hours a week job... Romanians ( men AND women ) are as tough as nails. Romanian women are strong, proud, fierce , take no shit from anybody. It's a people who had centuries of very turbolent history to hone their skills of bravery, assertivenss, self reliance, way back from the Roman empire domination to the recent most savage ,inhumane dictatorship of modern times- and they always came through everything. So,

" meek " is not a quality they have favoured or cultivated, women included. A friend of mine who was an E.R. doctor said ( well, actually he was talking about Eastern European immigrants in general, but here the Romanian form the majority of them ) that any time he had to report a case of domestic violence from that community- it was always the husband who was all black and blue. .That was a joke, yes- but not too much.

So, I'd say- let him import his little Romanian firecracker, maybe she will cure him once for all of his skewed notions about " what women really want " ( i.e. being dominated and submitted ) that he is getting from Reddit !

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A male reader, judgedick France + , writes (10 August 2017):

judgedick agony auntthank you "YouWish" for explaining what red pill is as I had no idea what it was after reading the post and had to look it up, God this site looks to be run by people that have a sick image of women, and if your brother is taking in by that, the Romanian is in danger of being used by him in the same way as he knows she wants him for green card, he knows full well she wants out of Romania. What he might not know is many of these sites are run by mafia-type gangs. We have had some experience of them here in France,

The way they work, they milk men for their money. They also run some dating sites and the men pay for the ticket for the girl to come to France. In a few days they go to work on the man to get him to fall for them and then tell him about their sick mother that she needs money, soft soaping the man to give money the money is the MAFIA,

It is not a job choice to become a stripper for her, she is a victim and she will use your brother to get out of this life and wants to live the American dream,

So at worst your brother is a victim of a victim,

How can you help him! THE best you can do is not drive a wedge between you and him, This Romanian woman THAT he may have falling for then she is his love and if you run her down and call her a stripper will backfire on you and he will move away from you and you drive the more to her,

He is her knight in shining armour and sees himself as that, and by you running her down will not help. The best you can do is get him to protect himself with a pre-nup. Today you are close to him and the best way to help him when she comes to his home is for you to be friends with her. "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2017):

Come come are you suggesting that president Trump was also taken for a ride when he married a much younger Slovinian pin up girl? Let your brother do what he thinks is right for him. You never know.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (10 August 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI doubt you can do much to influence him at the moment. He is bitter about his ex and this is his way of dealing with those feelings.

In your shoes I would say something like "You are my brother. I am worried by the course you are taking but it is your choice, you are an adult. Just know I am here for you." Then step back and let him do what he must do.

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (10 August 2017):

like I see it agony auntYouWish absolutely nailed it. I'd add only that your brother is a grown adult (even though he's not thinking like one) and so all you can do is give him your opinion on this and then step back. Unfortunately he's allowed to make major life decisions with the wrong head as long as those decisions don't break any laws... even though they may cost him a ton of money and heartache in the process.

Perhaps you can appeal to the red-pill mentality and convince him to get a pre-nup, at least.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (10 August 2017):

Not only could your brother be taken for a ride he could end-up with troubles with The Department of Immigration.

Most of these scams require money upfront; and he may never see anything in return for it. So if he's willing to part with his money and assets so foolishly; perhaps his girlfriend who cheated and took from him was compensation for putting-up with him. Not saying it was right; but one could argue he doesn't seem to use good judgement.

He's old enough to make his own decisions; and thinking with the wrong head has gotten him where he is now. His low opinion of women is backfiring on him. It's not women that are his problem, it's his bad judgement and poor choices.

He may think he's being spiteful to his ex with his latest venture; but may instead be cutting off his nose to spite his face.

These foreign-wife scams he's getting himself into could be a bait and switch; or he might find himself in the middle of a human-trafficking or prostitution ring. There are no credentials to check or business-ethics these types of outfits have to follow.

Warn your brother one last time. Step-back and mind your own business. Less you're involved, and the less you know; the better off you are. Let him get stung again. He'll learn, and go broke in the process.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (10 August 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntWell if he really into red pill stuff he probably plans on taking her for a ride. He may see the whole thing as a business transaction. He has plenty of first hand evidence of what women can do to him. Your suggestions will likely fall on deaf ears. And last but not least he is old enough to make this kind of decision by himself.

One question, why did he fail to commit for 10 years?

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (10 August 2017):

YouWish agony auntYeah, it sounds like he's into MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) if he's onto Red Pill sites on Reddit, and his backstory contains the baggage that usually follows men who turn to this philosophy, where having a relationship with women or marrying them is all centered toward women, and that women destroy men financially and emotionally, and it goes on and on.

The way to get through to him is to tell him that he's being "blue pilled" so hard, he's about to hand over the rest of his assets to a Romanian stripper, who will take his money and squash what's left of his balls in a vice grip.

I have studied MGTOW, and there are actually elements to what they say and why they exist that are true. There are issues in the legal system involving women and finances and custody of children and parental alienation, and not all of them are woman-haters. But there is an element there who have taken the red pill philosophy and decided to either go "Full monk", as it's indicated, and swear off women for good, to never have a relationship or fling with them again, or as your brother seems to be fitting, the "pump and dump" of a Pick Up Artist, where they believe that all a woman is good for is to find a young 20-something who will date you for what you can do for them, have as much sex as you want, and then toss them out like an empty beer can.

Your brother thinks that he's going to do that with this stripper because one other aspects of the "Red Pill" MGTOW Pick-up artist thing is that Western women are AWFUL, they're lying loud pigs who cheat on them and emasculate them (which, of course, if his 10-year relationship cheated on him, he's already hooked with that line), that an Eastern European woman or an Asian woman is more submissive, is more traditional (i.e. she takes care of him, she's not loud, she cooks, cleans, looks great, is a caretaker, makes him feel like a man, never leaves him, etc.), and a lot of women like this stripper who only wants your brother for what he can give her will use this against him.

You're absolutely right. He's in danger. He's thinking with both his penis AND his emotional baggage, and he's going to screw himself up more than ever now.

The other reason he's doing this is because in his former relationships, he felt POWERLESS. These women in the past cheated on him, dumped him, devastated him. Getting some young Romanian stripper to marry him puts him under the false believe that she is DEPENDENT on him, that she can't leave because he's the reason why she's getting the green card, that she wouldn't know anyone and will need him for everything. At first, that'll be true, UNTIL she either gets relatives or finds friends, and then she'll drop him really fast.

The old 80's song by Human League "Don't You Want Me Baby" is more than just synthesizers and a hook. It's about a guy who finds a girl working as a waitress, starts dating her, tells her he's the reason for her success in life, and 5 years later, she wants to leave him, and he threatens to knock her life back down to nothing. She responds that everything he said is true about how they met, but that she knew she'd be in a better place with or without him. Five years later, she ditches him because she doesn't need him.

That's going to be your brother's life. Again. He's running for a mirage and will choke to death drinking the sand.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (10 August 2017):

janniepeg agony auntMaybe that's what mid life crisis does. He probably knows that she's there for money and a green card too but he doesn't care. Because of the imbalance (age and money wise) in the relationship, he thinks he holds the power and there's a pseudo sense of security since she's the one depending on him. The only thing you can do is to advise him to sign a prenup. As he had said, "you can't win with women," that Romanian girl is a woman as well and why would she be an exception? He could be marrying this girl to spite his ex girlfriend.

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A male reader, Riot2017 Mexico + , writes (10 August 2017):

The stripper is after his green card and alimony, he needs to stop this nonsense before he ends up in the street and homeless!

Marriage contracts are serious business, and men always the short end of the stick, so it's a terrible idea for him to to that thing at this stage.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN INTERVENTION , and get him to go to therapy. He will not hear anyone in your family.

Yes, there are many gold diggers out there, but that doesn't mean that all women are like that. There are good woman out there.

You can be 100% sure that the moment his cash runs out, his marriage will also end with his cash.

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