A
female
age
30-35,
*lame222
writes:I had to travel for good to find a better life but he convinced me to comeback and live as a real couple with him. Back then our relationship has been starting we shortly met, no details , no long conversations, the looks and decent shy approach were enough to make both of us say yes and we did it by jumping in and promised no going back, which meant that we both suffered from relationships but we want love. I'm his his lover now and before me its been 6 yr he didn't have anyone in his life, so you know now that he is a loyal person and highly sensitive. His emotional history is a record and he has clinical deppression which makes me forget some of his bad unwanted not on purpose behavious, and that's after I came back to live with him and took this couple chance. its been almost a year now that we live together but things are making me insane recently. he is a musician and teaches his students music lessons in his house where i have to lovk myself up for the session and his 6 hours training per day so that he and his student feel more comfortable home. I have less comfort zone and less conversation opportunities with him since he already isn't talkative and repeatdly asked me to reconsider another place making me better suggestions for myself like going back to where i was going or renting in the capital like i was living before (and from where i had to leave bcz of problems). after speeking about it many times he says it is becz he isn't used to living with someone and that he wants to miss me plus it disturbs his musical lifestyle. I am a bit short in money, I am deceived, I don't want to be helped by anyone else for another location, I am mad at him and despite all that I love him but I don't know untill when I can forgive him and let things pass, skipped, being ignored. I threattened mamy times that I will leave he went very emotional and like wants me to stay. he never gets loud or mad he is always with his cigarettes chilling and meditating with music. so you see i love him for who he, i know he adores me but i do not think that he even knows that things he proposes are illogical and dangerous i think he is no aware of what it caused me emotionally. His mom confirms this by telling how innocent he is and by telling me a lot about his past as excuses for me to protect him from himself and his stubburness. am i too confused what shall do any techniques to go on with him make him feel better towards the stuation I care and want us to continue.
View related questions:
money, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (7 August 2017):
Hello OP,It sounds like your BF has deep emotional and possibly mental issues.Has he gone through therapy? Has he looked for help for his emotional issues with a health professional?With what I have read in your post, there are MANY BIG RED FLAGS. The biggest one, is when he told you to live with him, and now he wants you to live in a different place. What kind of boyfriend does that to his girlfriend? Any normal/sane boyfriend would like to stay as closest to his GF as possible.If I were a woman in your situation, I would pack my things and leave him for good. Perhaps he loves you, but as you mentioned, he is illogical and gets you in dangerous situations, which it's hinting some mental health issues.And if there is one thing I know about mental health issues, is that they never get better unless there is medication in there, but they usually get worse. When will you leave him? When he makes you feel more miserable? Or he physically hurts you? Best luck!
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (5 August 2017):
 I'd like to add to already great advice given and say that he seems too self-absorbed to recognize your needs or to compromise in a relationship. He does not have the emotional capacity to take on the responsibility of someone else's happiness. In order for this to be a successful relationship, you would have to do all of the compromise or sacrifice. I personally don't think this is fair to you. I think this relationship is going past its expiry date. If you stay any longer in it, you will suffer and later on in life you will regret it.
Another practical solution would be to find a bigger place where his music lessons will not bother you, but I think your issue is more than just the music lessons. You are trying to figure out if this guy is worth all of your sacrifice and compromise for the long term.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (5 August 2017):
 Right, let me first of all say that I hope I have got the general gist of your post, as I find some of it difficult to understand. Apologies if I have misunderstood some of it; please feel free to correct me.
From what I gather, you had set off travelling but gave this up for a man with whom you were not even having a relationship. He has been on his own for 6 years but you are now living together and you are unhappy because you feel you have to lock yourself away in your own home for 6 hours a day while he teaches his music students. He is now suggesting you move out and get a place of your own as he is not comfortable with you living there. You, however, don't want to move out because you would find this difficult financially.
First of all, let me just say that he is probably being totally honest about finding it uncomfortable with you living there. People who have learned to be self sufficient and live alone often find it very difficult to share their space with others, regardless of their feelings for them. If you feel resentful about having to stay out of the way while he teaches, he probably senses this too and it adds to his discomfort.
I really don't think you have much choice here. You cannot stay long term when he doesn't want you there. Given his personality and his depression, you may actually get on a lot better if you are NOT living together. There's a country song called "How can I miss you if you never go away?" and this is probably what he means about you needing to leave so he can miss you.
Do you see yourself being with this man years down the line? He is not comfortable about you sharing his space. He is incapable off communicating with you on a level which would make you happy. What are you getting out of this relationship? His mother needs to stay out of this as it is a relationship between you and him. SHE is not the one you are having a relationship with.
You are obviously quite young (and I assume he is a bit older). Do not waste your life on someone who only wants you in theirs completely on their terms. In your shoes I would resume the travelling and see where that takes you.
...............................
|
