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My boyfriend won't kiss with tongues or go down on me, and won't explain why (but he's quite happy for me to go down on him!)

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 July 2008) 8 Answers - (Newest, 7 July 2008)
A female United States age 51-59, *onita01040 writes:

How come my boyfriend does not want to french kiss nor do oral sex on me? I have tried t kiss him using my tongue and he won't let me and he won't go down on me but he loves when I do oral sex on him. I have asked him but he doesn't want to answer me and always tries to change the subject and always avoids to have to answer the question.

How can I get him to do it? Thanks.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008):

Maybe you are not kissing him how he would like to be kissed. Everyone is different and the biggest clue that someone doesn't like how you kiss is to not kiss you passionately. Just out right ask him, but in a relaxed way. Maybe put it to him like a question "Right now i've got you all to myself, i really wanna kiss you, how would you like me to do? What do you like best?" etc etc. As for the oral, just have a bar of chocolate next to your bed and offer him a bit and then tell him what you want him to do next, this should be quite a turn on for him. Men really can be ridiculous sometimes... but they just need a helping hand!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008):

hey there,

dont worry my friend had the same problem and it turned out it was because her boyfriend was tongue tied! literally!

The condition is called Ankyloglossia, which can seriously hinder mobility of the tongue.

It is caused by an unusually short, thick lingual frenulum, (the membrane connecting the underside of the tongue to the floor of the mouth). Its the little bit of skin under your tongue that people sometimes get pierced.

Not only can it hinder movement, but it can also stop you from being able to stick your tongue anywhere outside your mouth (depending on how bad the condition is). My friends boyfriend could barely stick it out past his front teeth!

To see if this is the cause, next time you get the chance, go for ice cream and see how he eats it. If he doesnt stick his tongue out, or cant do it very far, then you know why.

Even if you have to resort to acting like a three year old and sticking out your tongue in a playful teasing type of way to see if he retaliates.

Hopefully this helps =]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

do not continue with oral as he`s takin pleasure for himself your needs dont matter,and french kissing is the ultimate kiss as it says so much(its in his kiss)sets my heart racing and excitment starts to build

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

i can understand that he does not want to go down on u, although this is very selfish, but my boyfriend will very rarely do this for me. he actually find its sickening. something to do with the taste. but he'll happily except a blow job, thats just men for u. but as for not kissing you, thats weird, maybe he isnt in love with u? kissing is something more meaningful than sex, kissing is for lovers.

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (6 July 2008):

O Connor agony auntoh my god how selfish!! he is a grown man and he wont kiss you properly? weird....talk to him for one last time and tell him how you feel and how hurt you are, and how immature it is that a grown man changes the subject with something as simple as this. i also suggest that you stop going down on him! not fair for you to do all the giving. if he cant cop on and understand that this is something you need to talk about then i suggest you move on. he is childish and selfish! let my know how you get on hun, email me if you want xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

Vow, this is very unusual; I find it difficult to believe; and you have tried to discuss it with him;

I suggest; you try to talk to him once more; calm and collective; explain to him how you feel and try and get some answers from him;

The alternatives are; do unto to him as he is doing to you; but that is very childish and immature;

Or suggest counseling for both parties; maybe he had a bad experience and does not want to talk about it;

Or move on

Best wishes

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008):

Your boyfriend is extremely selfish and is not 'making love' to you, he is having sex, or more specifically, taking sex from you. Making love and intimacy are OTHER oriented, you're goal is in giving the other person pleasure. When someone approaches sex only to please themselves, they usually have an intimacy disorder, they have learned and internalized a faulty belief system that tells them they are entitled to and take what a woman has to offer without any regard for their pleasure.

I have heard some men have the belief that 'going down' on a woman makes them feel like they are begging......that's extreme but a good illustration of a good thing gone bad. His refusal to come your way indicates an extreme selfishness on his part. I wonder, is he that way in the rest of the relationship?

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A female reader, starfairy United Kingdom +, writes (6 July 2008):

starfairy agony auntSELFISH!!!!

Stop going down on him, and when he asks why, refuse to give an answer!

Or if you want to be more adult than he is about issues, do stop giving him oral, and tell him that it's 50:50. Give AND take. If the french kissing is a serious deal to you, then tell him, it's important that you know why he won't kiss with tongues. He might be embarassed or something, but he does owe you an explanation!

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